Genre: Instructional Feature Director: Alex Braun Cast:: Shy Live, Gen Padova, Roxy Jezel, Alexis Amore, Jamie Huxley, Keeani Lei, Ms. Panther, Solana, Angel Felon, Lain Oi Length: 97 mins Production Date:2005
Audio/Visual: In a Nutshell - A Flaring, Fucked-Up Mess
This disc has major, MAJOR problems. First and foremost, it is mastered miserably, with scenes playing out of sequence and chapters frequently freezing. The video capture is crappy as all the reds bleed and flare in full fucked-up mode. The 1.33:1 image is muddy and fuzzy, attempting a cinematically sloppy fake letterboxing, and the camcorder noise constantly blots out the balling. Overall, this is one of the sorriest, saddest transfers ever offered on a supposedly professional porn product. This facet alone earns the title a stern SKIP IT. But there are more issues to come.
Extras: In a Nutshell - Look Here if You Want to See the ENTIRE Film
For some reason, the pathetic spraying done by Solana and Ms. Panther is missing from the main movie, but preserved in the bonus material under the 'Squirting' chapter of the Menu. If you want to see their sorry excuse for bush basting, you'll have to click here. Also, if you want to see some real hardcore hotness, the added scene is the only place to find penetration on this disc. Featuring the brunette beauty Rosalie, we get all kinds of oral, both cowgirls, doggy, vaginal gaping, V to M and all manner of mish. The $hot to the face finishes up what is the best element of the entire DVD. Frankly, after seeing this suck and fuck, everything else offered is unadulterated garbage.
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More interested in conversation than carnality, and littered with letdowns in every department, Squirting 101 Vol. 10 is a stupid series about ready to be put out to pasture. The premise is similar to what Seymore Butts does in his watering women releases. Alex Braun claims he can get every gal to gush with just a mere ramrodding of her nether regions. With his cohorts in canoodling - especially the supposed "expert" Dr. Philgood - 'on hand', we are promised a full contact course in lady lovin'. What we get instead are countless moments of small talk as the actresses hired as genital guinea pigs wait to be faux-fisted. Sometimes, the talk is interesting. More often, though, it's pointless palaver meant to waste time until the spotlighted squirting is ready to commence. Sadly, several of the gals here are less than liquid, and the extreme close-ups of underwhelming snatch dribbles are not enough to get even the most horny female foam fetishist good and engorged. The rest is boredom on top of redundancy - far from the recipe for steamy XXX action.
The Sex Scenes:
Again, this is not really a full-on hardcore title. There is no penetration - except in the bonus scene - as the primary purpose is to try and get gals to ejaculate. If you enjoy oral sex sequences, you might get a minor kick out of the mouth to member machinations offered post pop. But for the most part, this is passionless poon with mandatory $hots to give the majority demographic what they want - i.e. dudes dropping loads.
Scene 1:Shy Love, Gen Padova, Tony T
Shy Squirt Rating: Dribbler (.5)
Jen Squirt Rating 2 Very Intense Gushers (4)
Oral Action Rating: Aggressive, but Dull (2.5)
Final Score: 2 out of 5 Comments: Being very generous to this pair, Shy can hardly bring the babe bullion. She leaves it up to Gen to deliver the douche drink. Tony T - the final initial obviously standing for "Toad" - gets a good helping of head, but it's all in service of something very talky and tedious.
Scene 2:Roxy Jezel, Alexis Amore, Marc Davis
Alexis Squirt Rating: Dribble (.5)
Roxy Squirt Rating: A Middling Medium Spray (2)
Oral Action Rating: Aggressive and Arousing (3)
Final Score: 1.5 out of 5 Comments: It takes Dr. Philgood forever to get either gal going, and when they finally do, it's a big build-up for very little woman water. Marc Davis, the original perverted pigman himself, tries to liven things up with his bare-assed bulk, but all we get is typical oral action.
Scene 3:Jamie Huxley, Keeani Lei, Marc Davis
Jamie Squirt Rating: NONE (0)
Keeani Squirt Rating: 1 Very Intense Clit Only Gusher (4)
Oral Action Rating: Aggressive, but Dull (1.5)
Final Score: 1.5 out of 5 Comments: Somewhere along the line, Alex's system seems to be breaking down. Jamie cannot flow, no matter how hard Dr. Philgood rams her region. Then after a couple seconds of snatch stimulation, Keeani is a veritable volcano. She sends a stream shooting across the room. Then it's time, once again, for Davis' dick. The trio tries, but even with complimentary snowballing this scene is static.
Scene 4:Solana, Ms. Panther, Tony T
Solana Squirt Rating: None (0)
Ms. Panther Squirt Rating: None (0)
Oral Action Rating: Dull (1)
Final Score: .5 out of 5 Comments: Because of the aforementioned mastering issues, our two lead ladies do not gush in this scene. In fact, when viewed in their bonus feature facet, neither gal is that impressive in the pussy potion department. Ms. Panther is a little better than her drip/dry gal pal, but neither juice up the joint. And thanks to Tony T's amphibian-esque features, the oral is a chore.
Scene 5:Lain Oi, Angel Felon, Marc Davis
Lain Squirt Rating: Dribbler (.5)
Angel Squirt Rating: Dribbler, and Small Solo Squirt (.5)
Oral Action Rating: Aggressive, but Dull (2.5)
Final Score: 0 out of 5 Comments: Without a doubt, the worst sequence in the entire set. Lain and Angel seem less than enthused about having a guy's hand up their hooch, and Davis is back for another bulky blowjob. Angel is quite irritating with her pleas for disinfectant, and the entire squirt session is forced and joyless - kind of like this whole DVD.
Disco Dirge Peter Meter Rating:1 out of 5 (Skip It) Cohabitation Certification: Withheld
Miserable to look at, about as erotic as a sitz bath, and failing in the fingering department more times than it succeeds, Squirting 101 Vol. 10 is a DVD that doesn't need to exist. There are so many better, more brazen titles out there, offerings with women who know how to hose down a dude, that this horrible how-to is rendered moot. Couples will hate the hollow, by-the-book nature of the action, realizing that there is very little passion or chemistry between the ladies and the men manipulating their mons. Such sentiments make a rating crystal clear. This disc deserves nothing less than a Skip It. From the void video variables to the pathetic porn, this is one of the worst presentations the Dirge has had to endure. Don't waste your time.