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Your Ass Is Mine

Studio: Other » Review by Don Houston » Review Date: 2/6/06

XCritic's Advice: Watch It Online

Your Ass Is Mine

Bad Seed/Adam & Eve

Genre: Vignette

Director: Nick Orleans

Cast: Melissa Lauren, Talon, Scott Nails, Valerie Herrera, Chris Cannon, Jackie Ash, Sunny Lane, Brett Rockman, Tory Lane, Lonna Lane, Michelle Banks, Tommy Gunn; Genesis Skye (in the bonus sex scene only)

Length: 120 minutes

Date of Production: 8/19/2005 (box); 3/2/2005 to 3/4/2005 (credits)

Extra's: Most of you will find the bonus sex scene from Double Shocker the best extra as it had Genesis Skye working with both Chris Cannon and Brett Rockman. The scene lasted about 21 minutes and had all kinds of kinky fun with no condoms (and even including some DP action). I preferred the 13.5 minute long Behind the Scenes feature myself since it was made for the DVD, included most of the cast and crew, and showed plenty of nudity (and sex). There was also a photogallery and some trailers with a cardboard protective sleeve for the DVD case.

Condoms: None

Audio/Video Quality: Your Ass Is Mine was presented in non-anamorphic widescreen color with an approximate aspect ratio of 1.78:1 as originally shot by director Nick Orleans for Bad Seed. There was some grain, minor lighting and compositional issues, and times when the colors were too saturated. The fishnets worn in some scenes looked radioactive on my television screen but the lighting was fairly decent and the camera work moderately competent for the most part. Too much camera movement caused a few issues as well but the general sense of a scene, both good and bad, seemed adequately covered this time. The 2.0 Dolby Digital stereo English was somewhat hollow but vocals weren't a major focus of the scenes and the limited music didn't get in the way either.

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Body of Review: As the demand for hardcore porn grows and the demand for couples porn fades ever more into the niches of specialty porn, even traditionally "couples friendly" companies seek to provide for the demographic changes and earn your money. Personally, I don't need circus act sex and can put up with condoms as a fact of life but many consumers look at things differently and the companies feel compelled to respond to the market. Such is the case with Bad Seed, a subsidiary of Adam & Eve that tries to offer hardcore porn to the world of a different sort than their usual material. I've seen some of their stuff in the past and found it lacking by comparison but folks who don't know what a great selection of porn that is available might find it more to their liking as they become jaded with A&E's usual offerings. Today's review is on Your Ass Is Mine, a series of five unrelated vignettes where the ladies get their asses worshipped but don't typically have anal sex. Here's a breakdown of the scenes by cast and action, noting that no condoms were used by the guys:

Scene One: Hot Assets: Melissa Lauren, wearing fishnet stockings, see through panties, and a matching top along with her plaid skirt and pink stripper shoes, was up first in a scene with Talon and Scott Nails in a living room. The guys pawed her and she pawed back before blowing them with the kind of energy and enthusiasm she's known for. While this was made for Adam & Eve's subsidiary, that didn't mean the sex was made for sensitive couples either as mere moments later she was getting both her nether region holes plundered in a DP. She wasn't as active as usual but took them as well as can be expected, complete with ATM and PTM between positional changes. The scene lasted nearly a half hour and with the men popping loads all over her curvy ass for her to rub (and then suck her hands clean). While not her best work, it was a good way to start the show sexually.

Scene Two: Ass Petizer: Valerie Herrera, an attractive brunette with a kicking ass, was up next all dressed in sexy black lingerie to tease Chris Cannon with. He orally worked her butt over, focusing the tip of his tongue on her pretty pucker, though I was turned off by the large bruise she displayed on her left ass cheek. Still, Chris gave her some more attention before she took over and showed him her own skill level being fairly high as she sucked him off slowly on the foot rest. As the scene progressed, I noticed her bruises as being all over her body and not just on her lovely curved ass, making me wonder if she's into rough sex (and didn't get any hear) or if something else was going on. She was moderately active in riding his cock vaginally but she never did anal and only did a little bit of PTM. She had some potential but the scene was only worth watching once for me.

Scene Three: Tight Ass School Girl: Jackie Ash, a skinny gal with dark hair and an okay ass, was up next in the living room by the fireplace with Talon after trying to tease the camera. Her inability to instill any heat here was indicative of the rest of the scene where she seemed on autopilot for Talon to work over, following the same tired formula of him giving her some oral, her returning it, and then the two bumping uglies. Like several of the other gals in the movie, she seemed all too aware of the camera and that distracted me this time more than a little bit. For all her talk of wanting a dick between her cheeks though, it was strictly a vaginal ride and the only time she showed any enthusiasm was when she was on top. Otherwise, she was the kind of lazy fuck that bores an audience and the ending pop shot to her face was simply more of the same.

Scene Four: Long Thong Silver: Sunny Lane, looking much better in the movie than she did on the front DVD cover, was up next by the fireplace as she teased Brett Rockman with her attractive ass and breasts. She asked to be spanked and he did so as he kneaded her cheeks and otherwise warmed her up for the sex. She went to giving oral first though, trying to bite off more than she could chew but handling his meaty shaft in her tiny mouth, eventually sticking with sucking the tip due to a lack of ability. She looked good though and she has an open invitation to suck the head of my dick any time she likes though by the time she does, I'm hoping she picks up a few more tricks and can handle all three of my inches. Seriously though, she wasn't a bad ride as she pumped that pussy up and down on his shaft but he ended up doing most of the work so your mileage will vary as to how heated it was. The scene ended in a facial and I looked forward to seeing her in the future.

Scene Five: Between the Cheeks: Tory Lane, Lonna Lane, and Michelle Banks, were up last in a scene by the fireplace with studly Tommy Gunn. Tommy's one of the most sought after guys in the jizz biz so the gals were lucky to share his attention as he traveled from ass to ass (the three gals were bent over side by side in front of the fireplace) to play. The gals didn't sit back and do nothing however with the exceptionally beautiful and skilled Tory slobbing his knob right away and the other two working each other over with his help. I liked how all three of them shared his dick orally but Lonna went over to the chair and spent the rest of the scene masturbating so I wondered why she was even there. Tory was clearly the highlight though and took to his anal pillaging nicely but she's done so much better elsewhere (even with guys of far less talent) so while it had some heated moments, it wasn't as good as I thought it would be going into it. It ended with some cumswapping once he blew his load onto Tory's sweet ass cheeks as Tory and Michelle sucked face rather well together.

Summary: Your Ass Is Mine had some potential that went as untapped as most of the fine ass on display here. This limited the appeal of the show that gives the impression that it will be about anal sex without ever explicitly stating such to the point where I rated it as a Rent It. The cast was mostly fine with some of the best names in porn on tap along with a lot more fuck for the buck than A&E usually provide but also some decent extras. The problem is that too often; the cast seemed hampered by the formula rather than allowed to plunge right in and enjoy all there was to be had. Still, fans of the cast may see this one as worth more than a rental and in many ways it provided a nice advancement for the company so I'm hopeful that with time, Bad Seed will improve to the point where it can more successfully compete with the better known gonzo companies (if that's their goal).

For substantially better choices in porn, check out: 2005's Top Porn List, 2004's Top Porn List, and 2003's Top Porn List as well as the latest Blue Room Column

You can email me with questions at Houstondon @ hotmail.com if you have any constructive criticism of the review too. :) Also you can follow me on twitter @HoustonDon

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