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Anal Bandits

Studio: Metro » Review by Don Houston » Review Date: 2/13/06

XCritic's Advice: Skip It

Anal Bandits

Loaded Digital/Metro Interactive

Genre: Compilation, Anal

Director: varied by scene

Cast: Ashley, Mario Rossi, Nikita Denise, Alex Sanders, Aurora Snow, Jay Ashley, Taylor Rain, Mark Wood, Catalina, Trevor, Roxy Jezel, Sophia, Lee Stone, Gauge, Alaura Eden, Sophie Evans

Length: 150 minutes

Date of Production: 9/30/2004

Extra's: The only extras were some trailers, a selection of pop shots and some spam (there was a second side to the DVD cover too but I doubt most of you care about that extra).

Condoms: None

Audio/Video Quality: Anal Bandits was presented in the usual 1.33:1 ratio full frame color as shot by various directors for release by Metro Interactive and its subsidiaries. The quality of the scenes varied a lot and while some were properly lit with minimal grain and video noise, this was not always the case. Some scenes even had tracking errors as though the source material (a tape) had lots of drop outs and the compositional errors of the camera work outweighed the often solid cast as they went through the listed set of sex acts for the original scenes. Keeping in mind that the scenes had no credits, I took some liberties as to tracking them down and identifying them but you can fuss at Metro if you're not happy with their practices since I'm not in charge off the company. The audio was presented in a 2.0 Dolby Digital but if there was any separation on the scenes, I sure didn't hear it either in the music or the vocals. Speaking of which, the vocals were generally overridden by the music in most of the scenes so if you hate losing the vocals for lame music as much as I do, you'll know why I was grouchy about some of the scenes.

Body of Review: Metro Interactive has one of the largest back catalogs in the porn industry these days, although the quality of the scenes varies a whole lot too. This said, since they've been around for so long, you can typically find scenes of all types with all kinds of performers no longer making porn so the value of their archives is pretty high in my book. Today's review is on one of their compilations of anal scenes, Anal Bandits, with some being a lot better than others. Here's a brief look at the scenes by original movie, cast and action, noting that Metro didn't provide any of them so some educated guesses were made at times (the cast is almost assuredly identified to a 98% confidence level though) and that each gal did at least some anal:

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Scene One: Unreleased Title: Ashley, a tall, lean blonde with a cute face (as shown on the front DVD cover), was up first with Mario Rossi in a scene by an outdoor pool. The vocals were eliminated in favor of a generic porn score but if you enjoy sex, you can probably accept that this happens a lot and live with it. She reminded me of Haven all grown up (I've seen her before-thanks to the tattoo recognition-but can't recall from what movie) although this gal's sexual skill was superior. The oral and vaginal were merely okay with him plugging away at both holes before popping off. The worst thing about the scene for me wasn't the lame audio so much as the lack of energy on her part. Is it any wonder the scene has been unreleased until now as part of a generic compilation?

Scene Two: Backseat Driver 17: Nikita Denise, a very attractive brunette with great eyes and a lot of fans made from her busier years in porn, was up next in a scene from BD #17 with Alex Sanders. It started out with some tease in her tiny red bikini fetish outfit and moved indoors to a couch where he orally satisfied her ass but moved on suitably to her playfully attacking his meat pipe. I haven't seen her in a scene in a long time and wish that she'd make a come back if she could instill the same kind of energy she had here. It was an active ride that she took full control of, from the oral to the vaginal to the anal pounding she took. It ended with the facial as expected but she didn't swallow.

Scene Three: Anal Excursions: Aurora Snow, another gal that has been less active in porn in recent years but still has a big following, was up next with her boyfriend Jay Ashley, on a white metal framed day bed (with a gray checkered bed spread if that helps identify the scene for anyone). They have long shared the kind of chemistry most couples wish they had in scenes although in terms of skill, she's the better of the two by a wide margin. He practically fisted her as he went down on her and she returned the pleasure with a wild blowjob/handjob combination that was both messy and appealing at the same time. The actual screwing by the two was anti-climatic as she let him do most of the work and simply moaned a lot. Like the other scenes, there was anal but it was nothing special for one of the one time anal queens in porn. He blew his load in her ass and she shat it out to taste at the end.

Scene Four: Sodomize This 2: Taylor Rain, wearing a black PVC biker outfit, was up next with Mark Wood in a generic living room setting. The scene looked slightly edited from the last time I watched it but it's been awhile and the mind plays tricks on a guy sometimes. She inhaled his shaft to the fullest extent of her abilities in a sloppy blowjob before he began doing her doggy style in both holes. She then climbed atop of him to ride him rather energetically in that tight ass of hers (already stretched out from the last position). She was so tiny compared to him but they kept going like the energizer bunny in that ass of hers until he popped out a load. It was a decent scene of hers and I only wish she hadn't lost interest in doing scenes with this kind of enthusiasm before focusing more on directing.

Scene Five: Sorority Sex: Catalina, a little hotty with kinky hair and a near-perfect body, was up next in a scene with Alex Sanders and Trevor. She had on a short skirt and white top that was reminiscent of a school girl outfit but it didn't last long as the guys pulled it off for some staircase action with her. Sexually, she did okay at the oral but Alex was better going down on her once they made it to the pool table in the game room. The sex included the advertised anal with a DP for good measure but she really didn't seem into the action here and the appeal suffered as a result. The facials were also weak as they appeared to be last minute contrivances but I'm sure it felt pretty good for the guys when they boned her.

Scene Six: Stone Cold: Roxy Jezel, Sophia, and the massive Lee Stone were up in the next scene that I originally described as: "Roxy, the lean Asian gal on the front DVD cover, Sophia, standing beside Lee on the left hand side of the cover, and the massive Lee himself, were up in the final scene of the show on his indoor couch. The lighting was a bit off this time with the colors too saturated most of the time. They all played with one another before getting down to business and the oral wasn't great but it wasn't terrible either. After the oral and some vaginal with PTM, Sophia took his cock in her ass but she sure didn't appear to be able to keep up her previous pace (barely holding on as he plugged her) and the scene suffered as a result. Roxy did ATM and took his load into her mouth before she cum swapped with Sophia to end the scene. While not bad, the gals weren't used to their full potential here and the scene suffered as a result."

Scene Seven: Stop, My Ass Is On Fire 10: Gauge, the former Metro contract gal, was up in the next couch scene with Mark Wood. This was another one that cut the vocals in favor of the music score, weakening it in the process. Still, while I've never been her biggest fan, she seemed okay here, even if a bit high on something as she worked him over to the best of her abilities. The anal action was almost an afterthought to the oral and vaginal sex that she did so well, with little to recommend it compared to some of the others in this compilation. That said, fans of Gauge's will probably enjoy it for all the limitations displayed, even though her feud with the company has kicked into high gear of late.

Scene Eight: Stop, My Ass Is On Fire 10: Alaura Eden, a brunette with a lot of sexual skill and a sweet looking ass, was also up next with Mark Wood but this time on a bed. The scene was already well underway with her riding him in cowgirl fashion on top of his meaty rod though I haven't seen the original so I can't say for sure that it was edited (it sure looked that way though). She seemed far more passive in the anal portions of the scene than I've seen in the past so your mileage may vary about the quality of the action but I can see why she has been in so many scenes in the past; she's a major player in terms of skill and looks. The pop shot was the usual facial and I'll be wondering if it was edited now that I watched it.

Scene Nine: Stop, My Ass Is On Fire 9: Sophie Evans, another gal with some sweet curves and beautiful eyes, was up in a scene not listed in the chapter stops with Mark Wood. It took place on a beige couch by some French doors as she slobbed his knob with gusto. The scene itself was shorter than most of the others in the movie but I've long found her to be a great performer so I took what I could get as she worked him over. She was particularly energetic in the vaginal portions of the scene but allowed him to take over during the anal so while I prefer more energy, it could've been worse. It ended with the usual facial popped to her face and the scene faded to the usual warning about the show shouldn't be viewed by minors.

Summary: Anal Bandits is the type of compilation that is tough to rate since you'll likely find it on sale dirt cheap if you look hard enough for it. The reason you'll find it so cheap is largely due to the weaknesses it possesses as a porno and that leads me to think of it as a Skip It if you're looking for really worth your time, money, and semen. Still, if you do find it cheaply, you might want to check it out as a rental or then sell it/give it away as a present to someone you "have to" get a gift for at some point. The scenes seemed edited, the vocals truncated, and the extras very weak here.

For far better choices in porn, check out: 2005's Top Porn List, 2004's Top Porn List, and 2003's Top Porn List as well as the latest Blue Room Column

You can email me with questions at Houstondon @ hotmail.com if you have any constructive criticism of the review too. :) Also you can follow me on twitter @HoustonDon

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