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Butt Blassted #3

Studio: VCA » Review by Don Houston » Review Date: 2/13/06

XCritic's Advice: Skip It

Butt Blassted! 3

VCA Pictures/Excessive Entertainment

Genre: Anal, Vignette

Director: Thomas Zupko

Cast: Ana Nova, Anthony Rosano, Kelly Kline, Richard Kline/Raymond, Brooke Haven, Van Damage, Nadia Hilton, Jennifer Steele, Jason Horne

Length: 147 minutes

Date of Production: 10/30/2005 (box); 10/24/2005 to 10/26/2005 (credits)

Extra's: The best extra was easily the 14.5 minute long Behind the Scenes feature where Thomas was shown to be a demanding director but half the talent were shown to be rebellious and unwilling to follow orders. This was similar to the 7 minute long Blooper Reel where lots of additional screw ups took place during the hardcore sex scenes. Then there was the slide show, three trailers, and some spam for those who care.

Condoms: None

Audio/Video Quality: Butt Blassted! 3 was presented in the usual 1.33:1 ratio full frame color it was shot in by director Thomas Zupko for distribution by VCA Pictures. The camera work was weaker than average due to the manner the compositional matters were handled, making most of the women look far from their best and not capturing the action very well. The lighting was okay though and kept the video noise and grain to a minimum. In all then, the visual aspects of the show weren't as good as I've come to expect from Zupko (and that isn't generally great to begin with). The audio was presented in the usual 2.0 Dolby Digital stereo English yet there was no separation between the channels and the dynamic range sucked too. The music was minimal and only got in the way when played so this was on the low budget end of things in terms of audio too.

-- sponsored by --

Body of Review: Thomas Zupko has long been referred to as a kind of twisted guy with limited vision and even less skill at making porn happen yet I've seen some decent porn come out of him in the past so rather than join in with the masses who think he sucks, I try to look at his movies with an open mind. Sadly, this means that some of the time, I get stuck with a clunker, as was the case with today's review of Butt Blassted! 3. The show was a series of five vignettes where women would have sex with a single male partner, taking dick in their mouth, pussy and then ass before the pop shot. While that sounds good on paper, the end result here was far too often a case of a formula gone astray. Even acknowledging that a few of the ladies were top notch anal queens, they weren't in good form and that hampered the enjoyment of their scenes as much as the others. Here's a look at the scenes by cast and action, noting that no condoms were used:

Scene One: Ana Nova, a German brunette with a lot of curves and a face that has seen less blemishes in the not so distant past, was up first in a scene with Anthony Rosano where she wore a fishnet top as she did dishes in the kitchen sink. She teased by applying the soap suds to her chest and this drew him into the scene where he started sucking that perfectly curves ass of hers. He dunked her head in the sink and the energetic cocksucking I've seen from her in the past came out once more like a faithful old friend. Her ability to milk a nut is almost legendary and this was a sloppy bit of work on her part, just the way I like it. She rode him in her pussy and ass equally though I liked the look of her ass cheeks bouncing better on the couch where they screwed. She was passionate and energetic (I just wish she'd clean up that face; what happened to her?). The pop shot went to her face and mouth as she swallowed none of it for the camera.

Scene Two: Kelly Kline, a major cutie in porn for a few years now, was up next as she teased using her gyrating hips and dirty language to coax an early load out of the audience. The tease was pretty good but the chemistry with her husband, Richard Kline/Raymond, was even better. She began the sex by blowing him hard, using spit, eye contact, and her hand to get his small cock ready for the kind of action advertised on the box cover. This led to her riding his cock in her little pussy like she needed a bigger one, pumping up and down like crazy as both of them became covered in sweat. She then did some PTM (pussy to mouth) before riding him anally (with ATM) on the couch. Her dirty talk was interesting and she never seemed to let up as she bounced on him repeatedly. The load launched was tiny, even for Richard, and she sucked him off a bit more to see if she could get any more out of him but it wasn't happening (where they proceeded to anally try again).

Scene Three: Brooke Haven, the curvy cutie on the front DVD cover, was up next in a scene with old spotted dick himself, Van Damage, on the couch. She wore a green dress that barely covered her body as she claimed that her ass was "your salvation" to the music. I really like her body but the tease sequence was probably the weakest of the bunch here until he oiled her ass up and played with it. She gave some decent head after the fingering of her ass (that she readily tasted) and then they went to anally screwing on the couch. She was a decent anal rider and probably the best equipped to do so compared to the others in the show (except maybe Ana) but this was far from her best work. It ended when he dribbled out a small load to her chest and tried to get a couple of drops on her mouth too.

Scene Four: Nadia Hilton, now sporting some large implants and in what was advertised as her first anal scene, was lucky enough to work with a guy who wouldn't be too big for her; Richard Kline/Raymond. Her tease talk was lame and the fact that I inadvertently watched the BTS feature first (seeing how she refused to do ATM and otherwise came off as a problem child in the BTS), weakened the act for me overall. There was a lot more spitting this time as she spat upon a glass sheet in front of the camera lens but the rest of the scene seemed very mechanical in nature. She sucked him off well enough and the titty fuck was okay but the rest of the scene was strictly by the numbers and she appeared to be there solely for the paycheck. She did some limited anal but I really didn't care given her lack of enthusiasm.

Scene Five: Jennifer Steele, the oldest gal of the show, came across as a demanding bitch in her black latex outfit. The tease was okay and I wouldn't have turned her down but partner Jason Horne almost seemed at a loss to know what to do with her as the two followed the generic porn formula applied to the actions of the scene. She was a good oralist and when she was on top of him, she provided some good riding on his cock in her vagina but the anal seemed to be a bit weaker for her; forcing her to yell out as though it made the scene seem better by comparison. The dirty talk got old after awhile since she seemed to be following a script (or simply couldn't think of anything new to say) but even with the ATM, she seemed unable to keep him hard during the scene. When the scene ended, he popped a moderately small load all over the place that she appeared to swallow a bit of but it was not her better work either.

Summary: Butt Blassted! 3 had a few moments but never hit its stride enough to earn anything higher than a Skip It. Whatever the reasoning was, the many issues that came up during the scenes just killed the heat far too often and the cast seemed to be in a bad mood for some reason. The technical matters made the show look somewhat lower budget than I'm guessing this one had and that was yet another nail in the coffin for the movie. Oh well, Thomas makes some good movies and he makes some weak movies; this being one of the latter. If you're a big fan of the cast, by all means feel free to check it out but don't say I didn't warn you.

For better choices in porn, check out: 2005's Top Porn List, 2004's Top Porn List, and 2003's Top Porn List as well as the latest Blue Room Column

You can email me with questions at Houstondon @ hotmail.com if you have any constructive criticism of the review too. :) Also you can follow me on twitter @HoustonDon

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