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Studio: Adam & Eve » Review by Don Houston » Review Date: 2/17/06

XCritic's Advice: Skip It


Adam & Eve

Genre: Feature

Director: Nick Orleans

Cast: Haley Paige, Chris Cannon, Sandra Shine, Aspen Stevens, Kelly Wells, Lexi Lamour, Ethan Cage, Leo, Dominica Leoni, Talon, Cleopatra, Tony Tedeschi, Brooke Haven, Scott Nails, Brett Rockman, Veronica Jett, Hillary Scott, Mika Brown, John West, Saz One; Candi Apple, Nick Taylor (last two in the bonus scene only)

Length: 117 minutes

Date of Production: 11/15/2005 (box); 11/21/2005 (opening credits); 5/11/2005 to 5/13/2005 (closing 2257 credits)

Extra's: For most people, the best extra will be the bonus scene starring Candi Apple and Nick Taylor from Florida Girls lasting 17.5 minutes. It wasn't anything special but it was probably better than most of the scenes in the actual movie (sadly enough). Personally, I enjoyed the 14.5 minute long Behind the Scenes feature more since it labeled most of the cast, showed them in their sex scenes, and added some minor value but even it seemed limited in most ways. There was also a photogallery and some trailers for those who care.

Condoms: None

Audio/Video Quality: Bluelight was presented in a non-anamorphic widescreen color with an aspect ratio of about 1.85:1 as directed by Nick Orleans for Adam & Eve Pictures. The lighting was sub-par so the levels of grain, video noise, and other visual flaws were worse than usual. It was rarely terrible (during the final orgy was the major exception to this statement) but the biggest flaw in my mind was the editing and short bits & pieces way the sex was often shown. Just as a scene would start showing some chemistry and passion, the editing would kill it or the scene would end. While this might appeal to those of you with a quick trigger, most men last longer when jerking off to porn so I can't say I was impressed with the strokability factor here. The composition of the shots wasn't always favorable to the ladies either so your mileage, even as a slavering fanboy of the cast, will probably vary more than most guys would like. I saw no compression artifacts but there was some mosquito noise for those who care. The audio was presented in 2.0 Dolby Digital stereo English with no separation and limited dynamic range. The music was a bit interesting at times and the vocals were usually hollow but there really wasn't anything significant to report here about the audio.

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Body of Review: Over the years, the concept of recording memories has been the subject of a great many science fiction tales. Mainstream media have beaten it to death and porn has even been doing it for decades too so any new story using this as a mulligan will find itself compared to a large body of similar works if you happen to like the genre involved. The latest such story is by director Nick Orleans in his movie Bluelight. Starring Haley Paige as an author in search of her memories and Tony Tedeschi as a memory detective trying to assist her, the story was as much a rehash as you'd expect to see with a few interesting twists added in by the director (who also write the screenplay). If you're a fan of feature porn, you should know that this wasn't the strongest offering by Adam & Eve of late but it had a couple of weird scenes worth checking out from time to time. Here's a breakdown of the scenes by cast and action, noting that if any condoms were used, they were super hard to see given the mixed technical values.

Scene One: Haley Paige, the cutie on the front DVD cover, was up first as she reclined in a lounge chair as part of a medical experiment by Chris Cannon. She was dressed in a loose white striped shirt and striped black skirt with black panties. She slowly sucked him off as he measured her brainwave activity, recording the event for posterity according to the plot. She then grabbed a red dildo to masturbate with and he ate her wet pussy after that. The two screwed vaginally and anally in the chair, though slower than I'm used to seeing her go at it, and after some ATM, he dropped a load onto her face and chest. It was an okay scene but nothing particularly hot but she was as cute as ever in the scene.

Scene Two: Sandra Shine, Aspen Stevens, Kelly Wells, Lexi Lamour, Ethan Cage, Leo, Dominica Leoni, Talon, and Cleopatra, were up next in a jumble of scenes edited together at a laboratory run by Ethan. Sandra and Aspen were masturbating on stretchers as assisted by a couple of attractive blondes (Dominica and Lexi) but the actual focal point of the first half of the action was easily Kelly. The assistants hooked her up to the machine and she was then transported to another place and time where she took the meat ride hard, milking out a load in record time, before she was then engaged in another tryst (this time lesbian), this time with Lexi. This led to her sucking off Leo and riding him much more passionately in a chair, doing anal before he rubbed out a load. Cleopatra then joined her after she left him behind for some more lesbian loving. If this all sounds kind of confusing, it was edited that way to support the plot but I'll admit I'd have preferred a more linear approach to the sex.

Scene Three: Dominica Leoni, still in her white lab slut outfit, was then up with detective Tony Tedeschi, readily slobbing his knob like the professional she has always seemed to be. He also snacked on her crack and then they screwed vaginally on the medical stretcher in a few positions. This led to some slow anal by the two that had him doing all the work and her passively enjoying the ride as he sweat all over the place. He pulled out after two anal positions and jerked off to her stomach.

Scene Four: Haley Paige, in another scenario, offered herself up to Ethan Cage who went down on her. She brushed him aside after almost no time at all and moved onto an equally short bit where she went down on Lexi Lamour. It really shouldn't qualify for a scene but I'm trying to be nice.

Scene Five: Brooke Haven, the busty blonde so many fans have come to appreciate, was up next in the lab setting where she started sucking off Scott Nails and Brett Rockman; both playing scientists in search of the best medical data they could from her sexual experience. The oral was decent and she showed some degree of vigor compared to her relatively passive vaginal sex with them. She was vocal throughout the scene though so even with them dumping loads of semen on her, the scene wasn't a total loss but the limitations far outweighed the positive aspects of the action.

Scene Six: Veronica Jett, Hillary Scott, Lexi Lamour, Mika Brown, John West, Saz One, and perhaps a few secondary players, were up next in a large orgy scene in a darkened room behind a cage. Hillary was the lead of the scene although Veronica gets some credit for assisting so well and Mika's oral was probably the best of the movie in most ways (especially for those who like sloppy blowjobs). The editing, lighting, and other technical aspects probably fit the plot aspects of the show better than they did the stroke factor though some of you will enjoy the technical DP that took place. It was primarily a oral, vaginal, lesbian scene so as long as you don't expect a whole lot from the orgy (orgies are admittedly tough to capture successfully on a recordable medium) it could be considered worth a look. It ended with multiple pop shots as expected but nothing special.

Scene Seven: Haley Paige, in the final scene in the office, finished it up with Tony Tedeschi. He spent some time orally pleasuring her before porking her from behind in her tight pussy. She let him do most of the work so the scene wasn't particularly interesting to me with two positions being all that was showed. He popped off on her abdomen and it seemed to be an anticlimactic ending to a weak effort all around.

Summary: Bluelight was one of those porn flicks I really couldn't get into on the sex alone or the story due to a number of factors that were mostly fixable. The cast was not given a chance to shine and the technical values always seemed to be substandard for showing what they could do. I think Haley Paige is a hotty and I have to freely admit that seeing her held back here (as the rest of the cast was too) kind of killed it for me even more than if I thought she was a generic flavor of the month type (she isn't) so I had to rate the show as a Skip It to anyone not considered a completist for some of the scenes here. When a porno seems to forget that the jerking off factor is important to consider over and above the plot, the results are almost always weaker than we'd like to see. Nick's a better director than this one showed him to be so I'm wondering if perhaps something happened to rush his attempt to bring in the movie as he would've liked to do.

For far better choices in porn, check out: 2005's Top Porn List, 2004's Top Porn List, and 2003's Top Porn List as well as the latest Blue Room Column

You can email me with questions at Houstondon @ hotmail.com if you have any constructive criticism of the review too. :) Also you can follow me on twitter @HoustonDon

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