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Fine Bi Me Too!

Studio: Male Media One » Review by Disco Dirge » Review Date: 2/22/06

XCritic's Advice: Watch On Demand

Genre: Straight/Bi Feature
Director: Mike Donner
Cast:: Arianna Jolee, Honey Best, Victoria Sweet, Staci Thorn, Kylie G. Worthy, Rod Barry, Jason Crew, brant Moore, Mark Woods, Kyle McDermott, Raul
Length: 135 mins
Production Date: 2005

In a Nutshell - A Drab Derivative of Glorified Gonzo
Though it's not as bad as some of those amateur point and shoot classics we regularly see hitting the shelves, the visual aspects of Fine Bi Me Too are below-average, to say the least. Close ups are badly framed, colors vary from set up to set up, fleshtones are either flat or open-heart surgery-esque, and the overall feeling is one of pure camcorder creativity. This is the reason the video violates so many of the sensual standards of hardcore porn. Too much realism - or a flagrant disregard for said - can really destroy your desire. A little more production value and you'd have a decent dick-a-thon. As it stands, this is borderline bad - at least from a transfer/image aspect.

In a Nutshell - A Bonus Scene, and Some Interesting Q&A
Along with the standard sex title stuff - gallery, trailers, etc. - we are also treated to a Behind the Scenes featurette that gives each performer a chance to speak for themselves. We learn about private life preferences, the reasons behind "going gay" and the excuses used by individuals for actually getting into the porn business in the first place. In addition, there is a bonus scene from Headmasters Vol.1. It features Carmen Luvana, Jazmin and Tommy X and there is plenty of girl-on-girl action, with the infamous pocket rocket making a major appearance. When the strap-on stuff arrives however, it's the dude who gets it in the dumper. That must be the reason why it's tied to this bi-curious title.

First Impressions:
DVD Talk has just started to branch into the heretofore untouched world of gay porn. Understand, the site had nothing against same sex titles (look at all the lesbian shite stashed away in the review database) but straight audiences don't usually like their hetero humping marred by man-on-man action. So up until recently, there has been very little himbo hardcore in the offing. But with the sudden shift into ALL facets of the fuck and suck biz, a few bi-curious titles have come our way, and The Dirge took up the challenge of checking out this decidedly different approach to straight smut. Having guys bonk females AND males is something sort of taboo amongst the typical XXX crowd. While Sappho situations are championed, DP - or the dreaded 'two dicks in one hole' happenstance - is about as far as your full-blooded flesh fan wants to go. As you will see soon enough, Fine Bi Me Too definitely pushes those envelopes until they are wide open and filled with cock.

The Sex Scenes:

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In essence, this is gay sex with girls on the side. The guys get many more close-ups, much more screen time, and frankly, far more of the fucking happens between them than between opposing genders. If you want to see scrawny waifs plugging each other's orifices while their female partners feign erotic interest, this is the title for you. It should be said though, as kind of a carnal caveat, that most of the performers here push the boundaries of physical acceptability. The guys are more or less what the gay crowd would call "twinks", with the occasional bulging belly or out of shape torso turning the action awkward. There are some obvious hetero performers here, individuals not used to having dick up their derriere, but for the most part, everyone seems pretty comfortable with both "P"s - pussy and penis.

Scene 1: Victoria Sweet, Rod Barry
Acts Performed: Blowjob, Deep Throat, Cunnilingus, Thumb Fucking, Mish, Doggy, Reverse Cowgirl, $hot on Chest
Score: 2 out of 5
Rod is our "star" here. He introduces the scenes and appears in the first and last helping of hardcore. The initial sequence is straight, with Mr. Barry balling a more than willing Ms. Sweet. The couple actually creates a small amount of chemistry with their copulating, and you can tell that our actress is happy that she doesn't have to share. Indeed, the best part of this scene is watching Victoria work her fuck face. She can scrunch it up, or open it wide for a quaint 'come hither' quality that amplifies the arousal. As the only two-shot among the threesomes and foursomes, this scene has a lot going for it. Too bad the positions are so paltry. More guy-on-gal grinding would have meant a higher overall score.

Scene 2: Kylie G. Worthy, Raul, Kyle McDermott
Acts Performed: M to F Kissing, M to M Kissing, Alternating Blowjobs (F to M) Male Oral with Ball Action, Cunnilngus, Dueling Female Head with Fingering, Mish with Male Doggy, $hot on Male Back, $hot on Self
Score: 1 out of 5
Okay gang, here is our first taste of guy-on-guy bi-ness, and it's admittedly a little hard to take at first. Raul and Kyle look like butt buddies from way back, and the minute they start lunching on each other's logs, Kylie is more or less out of the picture. It takes a while to get her back into the groove, and by then we are witness to one of the oddest things the Dirge has ever seen - call it the "meat-heavy girl sandwich". In essence, Ms. Worthy is on the floor getting plowed in the poon while her plugger Raul takes an ass full of Mr. McDermott's meat. And to make matters even more...interesting...Kyle pops all over his male lover's back. Remember, this is the opinion of someone who's watched hundreds of hours of straight smut. To see guys getting it on like this is confusing at first. And besides, if you don't have a "curious" conceit in your carnal character, would you find this interesting? Who knows? Besides, the men are so unappealing that it is probably impossible to interest anyone but the ladies - and individuals already leaning toward tool.

Scene 3: Honey Best, Staci Thorn, Mark Woods, Jason Crew
Acts Performed: F to F Kissing, M to M Kissing, Male Oral, Cunnilingus, Mutual Head, Mish, Male Doggy, Male Mish with F to M Blowjob, $hot on Men
Score: 1.5 out of 5
Scene 3 creates quite a conundrum for this critic. Basically, it's two separate same sex scenes eventually melded into one. The girls go at it for a while as the guys are getting it on. Pretty soon, it's free-for-all time. Still, the concentration is on the men (we see much more male-to-male blowjobbing than girl-to-girl snatch snacking) and when the fucking starts, there is more dick in dude than in dame. Still, the foursome seems to really enjoy the homo/hetero element and they play up the possible passion well. The only downside here? The actors are very unattractive in their enflamed-flesh nakedness.

Scene 4: Arianna Jolee, Rod Barry, Brant Moore
Acts Performed: Blowjob, Male Oral, Face Sitting, Salad Tossing, 69, Male Butt Plug Action, Cowgirl with Male Face Fucking, Double Ended Dildo Dude Action, Male Mish, Female Squirting, $hots on Tits
Score: out of 5
Having only watched three previous scenes of bi-balling, the Dirge has already developed a pretty sound theory: the girl makes the scene. Arianna Jolee is a true sizzler in this sequence, giving it to the guys as good as they want to take it from her - and each other. The sex is fiery and fresh, with exploration and enjoyment coming across on everyone's part. There is also a major element of surprise here (after all, when was the last time you saw two dudes taking a double ended dildo up their asses?), something that gives off a decided vibe of vice. Overall, this is probably the best scene in the set, and the best example of how a bi-curious hardcore offering could work. As long as the action seems amiable, and married to a determined desire to fuck like wanton wildebeest, you can inspire a tingle in even the most confirmed hetero hardcore fan...maybe.

Disco Dirge Peter Meter Rating: 2 out of 5 (Rent It)
Cohabitation Certification: Ummm...
Once the novelty has worn off and the highly unattractive truth is readily apparent, Fine Bi Me Too goes from being a curiosity to a non-erotic ipecac. If the men were more "masculine", built for sexual speed like the straight actors are (mostly), then maybe we'd have more overall fire from the fucking. Perhaps if more actresses like Arianna Jolee had been partnered with these rump riders, we'd get a more direct line to standard straight sex satisfaction. There are elements here that work, and a great deal that doesn't and with Rod Barry barking out his non-erotic introductions like a drill sergeant of dicking, this is a tricky title to score. In general, a rating of Rent It seems fair, since experiencing something like this first is probably your only way of knowing if it will gird your groin, or shrivel your shaft. As for the couples question...again, who can tell? These are not the kind of guys that ladies usually fantasize about, so seeing them suck and fuck may be antithetical to the whole "marital aide" concept. They say curiosity killed the cat. Something like Fine Bi Me Too could be equally deadly to your libido. Only you and your proclivities know for sure.

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