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That 70's Ho

Studio: Other » Review by Don Houston » Review Date: 4/5/06

XCritic's Advice: Watch It Online

That 70's Ho

Vicious Media

Genre: Vignette

Director: Shy Love & Nadia Styles

Cast: Jenna Presley, Jack Venice, Brooke Haven, Johnny Knox, Roxy Jezel, John West, Nadia Styles, Shy Love

Length: 93 minutes

Date of Production: 1/31/2006

Extras: The best extra by far was the inclusion of a bonus scene lasting 35 minutes from Full Throttle Productions. Neither of the two was credited but the full POV scene was pretty fun to watch and I hope to see more like it in the future. There was also an 8.5 minute long Behind the Scenes feature that had a lot of humor (and added value to the DVD) as well as a photogallery.

Condoms: None

Audio/Video Quality: That 70's Ho was presented in the same 1.85:1 ratio anamorphic widescreen color it was shot in by cameraman Eric Hunter for directors Shy Love & Nadia Styles (their directorial debut I believe) for distribution by Vicious Media. It was shot in 1080i HD, so I can imagine how clear a Blu-Ray version of the movie will look in the future, but the lighting was somewhat uneven as the movie almost dared the comparison to the poorly shot loops of the 1970's. There were shadows, camera angles that hid a lot of the action, and more grain than necessary though the fleshtones were accurate and the composition of the shots, while not optimal, were often well done. As an early effort, it wasn't badly done but a whole lot more work needs to be put into future efforts. I didn't notice any compression artifacts on my dedicated player but on my computer, there seemed to be pixilation present on a regular basis that most titles, porn or mainstream, haven't shown. The audio was presented in a 2.0 PCM (pulse code modulated) English stereo. The levels varied a lot more than I cared for, sometimes boomingly loud and other times too soft, while the droning music was typically kept quite low as background music. It also seemed like there were times when the vocals went slightly out of synch with the picture for those who care.

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Body of Review: New company start ups have a tendency to show some great material with their initial movies and then quickly drop off the face of the Earth after the original novelty factor wears thin. Others start off slow and get better with time, particularly the technical quality, which was the case with the Vicious Media presentation of That 70's Ho. The title was obviously a tribute to the mainstream comedy series though other sly winks to movies like Austin Powers were present too. The lack of anything substantial outside of the vignettes was a drag (if you're going to parody the title, provide some parody of the characters or situations too) but the weakest link this time was the sex itself in most cases. Here's a quick breakdown of the scenes by cast and action if you're still interested, noting that no condoms were used at all:

Scene One: Jenna Presley, the gal featured on the center of the front DVD cover, was up first on a couch with Jack Venice, after a few goofy comedy bits by the cast (who were all supposed to act like they were stoned). She gave a short blowjob, which was shot from mostly a longer viewpoint, with some gagging noises and slobber but barely enough to mention. This led to him tapping her pussy from behind while she made various comments in a dirty talk kind of way. My biggest issue with the action (aside from the decidedly fake looking "squirt" that took place) was that he was doing all the work, even when she was on top of her. Most of us get that in real life so the point of porn is to show enthusiastic bouncing by the gals (unless they're in a submissive themed scene). She eventually did some hip grinding but it was too little, too late and limited in value. They boned in a couple of positions and he jerked out a load to her mouth that she partially swallowed but this was not a good way to start a movie.

Scene Two: Brooke Haven, the hotty on the lower right hand corner of the cover, was up next in a scene with virgin Johnny Knox. I always worry about a scene that starts off with a warning about how short it is though I have almost always found a lot to enjoy watching Brooke in a scene. His dick was about average sized and she sucked it as though it were about a charity deal, with him showing a little flair for oral too. Her over the top vocals didn't help the scene at all though and they vaginally screwed for a short time before he popped to her face. She was relatively passive here and this was another filler scene for me.

Scene Three: Roxy Jezel, the well known gonzo queen seen on the lower left hand corner of the front cover, played a take off character from an Austin Powers movie for John West while wearing a giant afro wig. John wore a ridiculous wig too but in all the pairings of the movie, these two are probably the most consistent sexually so I had reason to believe this would be the turning point of the action. She gave a fantastically enthusiastic blowjob to him on the couch, using her hands, eyes, and slobber to work him over heatedly. He gave her about two licks of her lollipop in return and started banging away like a champion. I cared less that she did anal after the short vaginal screw than the fact that she actively participated in the ride, showing up the others by a margin nearly immeasurable. It ended with a pop shot to her abdomen that she tasted repeatedly.

Scene Four: Nadia Styles, the lean cutie shown on the upper left hand corner of the front DVD cover, was up next with Johnny Knox. While not as sexually aggressive as Roxy, she did manage to provide a solid blowjob to enjoy as she worked his shaft over nicely. She also actively rode him in her tight pussy, taking a break to rub his dick against her breasts while he fingered her pussy and ass. After sucking his fingers clean, she took his dick in her ass though with him on top of her, there wasn't much she could initially do to show an active ride. This didn't change much in the other positions but she did provide a better display of talent than the first two ladies in the movie did. It ended when he popped on her tongue and face, providing another reason to like the movie.

Scene Five: Shy Love, the hotty located on the upper right hand corner of the front DVD cover, and Nadia Styles, were up last in a lesbian scene that began in the kitchen when they were cooking up a batch of "Alice B. Tolkas" brownies. It sucked that Shy had no male contact in the movie but she's skilled with either sex and the licking, rubbing and other playful antics displayed here were pretty good, if not her best work to date. They used toys to compliment the tongues and it was worth a look or two.

Summary: That 70's Ho started off far weaker than I was led to believe by others online and even the two good scenes were stand out performances though they rescued the DVD (with the help of the bonus scene that is) by elevating the rating to a Rent It. When the opening copyright warnings rolled, I thought it showed some potential by including a phrase, "No animals were harmed in the making of this film but they sure had fun." (referring to the cute puppy named Grover seen in the BTS feature), but the stoner humor must require you to be suitably intoxicated to appreciate (and there was little of it too). The ladies all had the potential to make the movie succeed but such was not the case and that disappointed me given my appreciation of Shy Love and company. Oh well, maybe the next one will be better for me in terms of stroke value if nothing else.

You can email me with questions at Houstondon @ hotmail.com if you have any constructive criticism of the review too. :) Also you can follow me on twitter @HoustonDon

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