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Federal Breast Inspectors

Studio: Hustler Video » Review by Don Houston » Review Date: 4/6/06

XCritic's Advice: Watch On Demand

Federal Breast Inspectors

Hustler Video

Genre: Comedy

Director: Caesar Bonobo

Cast: Chloe Dior, Van Damage, Katie Morgan, Evan Stone, Cherokee, Tommy Gunn, Eva Angelina, Herschel Savage, Devon Michaels, Lee Stone

Length: 87 minutes

Date of Production: 11/20/2005

Extras: The best extra this time was the 17 minute long Behind the Scenes feature by Carey Radcliffe. There was some photoshoot material, humor, and extra nudity so it added value although a lot of it was unlit and grainy. In all though, it was fun to watch and see the cast making the best of some of the situations the script put them in (even if they felt uncomfortable). There were also some trailers, a slide show, spam and advertisements for Hustler but not much worth mentioning.

Condoms: Yes

Audio/Video Quality: Federal Breast Inspectors was presented in an anamorphic widescreen color with an aspect ratio of 1.85:1 as directed by Caesar Bonobo for Hustler Video. It still looked familiar to me in some ways but I couldn't place whose style it seemed to emulate (many directors work under aliases in porn so it was probably an established name). The lighting was generally decent and that limited the amount of grain, video noise, and other visual flaws to a bare minimum and the fill lighting seemed to be well handled this time so the shadows were typically kept at bay. The composition of the shots wasn't always optimal for making the ladies look their best but handled well enough that I didn't mind watching it most of the time. There were no compression artifacts or mosquito noise thanks to reasonably good DVD mastering. The audio was presented in a 2.0 Dolby Digital stereo English though there was no separation between the channels from the vocals. The music was generic to a fault, but typical for a sleazy old porno like my dad used to watch (or could have watched if he were into porn).

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Body of Review: Hustler Video is known for providing adult content all over the world, though the company's DVD quality has had some issues in recent years. Today's review of Federal Breast Inspectors is a case in point; the amount of movie was under 90 minutes and the extras, while decent, were nothing special compared to others on the market. The show was a series of vignettes hosted in TV fashion by Herschel Savage, telling tales of the FBI (not the government agency) as they hunted down women that used their breasts to gain advantage over men and dominate them. Personally, I'm open to a little of that kind of thing although I'd rather have all natural breasts in most cases, and the humor of the skits was cute as could be. Here's a breakdown of the scenes by cast and action, noting that the sex was usually pretty vanilla even if a couple of the gals looked rather great as they handled the material (the BTS was good too):

Scene One: Chloe Dior, the busty blonde on the upper right hand corner of the front DVD cover, was up first after she seduced officer Van Damage on the couch. He was inspecting her breasts for using them to persuade traffic cops into letting her go and he soon lost his equilibrium. When he woke up, she was actively sucking on his penis in a heated manner, which led to him getting some of her pussy in several positions. The bad news is that he did most of the work and how large and out of place her implants looked. The good news is that she had a nice ass, even if she didn't pump it enough or take one up the backside for the camera. It ended when he jerked off on her chest, perhaps neutralizing her abilities for the time being.

Scene Two: Katie Morgan, the cutie seen on the middle of the right hand side of the cover (between Eva and Cherokee), played a lawyer who used her skills to befuddle the mighty Evan Stone on a couch. He went down on her first, leaving no crack uncoated with saliva, before she had a chance to aggressively ride his meat pipe (in her mouth and pussy). I liked how she moved on his rod, pumping away like she knew what was wanted by her fans, though the oral was not her best by a long shot. The scene ended with some nice titty fucking to coax out a large load onto those relatively new implants of hers, making it a better scene than the first one.

Scene Three: Cherokee, playing a 21 year old country music singer, was up next as she enjoyed a scene with Tommy Gunn. She was seen on the lower right hand side of the front DVD cover and while she didn't look 21, she was looking rather foxy as she took his cock in her mouth on the staircase (a nice change from the couch). Her eye contact, use of hand to gland combat skills, and messy knob slobbing were great; especially with her powerful legs and tight ass facing the camera (she bent over to blow him). There was a little fly buzzing around during the scene but this was another sexually aggressive rider, pumping away in a manner that cause me to pop in about 2 seconds. I wish I could include a clip of the sawing action she used, putting all the others to shame. He eventually got to snack on her crack but his skill wasn't up to hers (this time). It ended the way I like it to; she jerked him off on her chest, leaving a large puddle on her ample samples. Yum!

Scene Four: Eva Angelina, another major hotty I like watching, was up next (she's the brunette on the polaroid closest to the middle of the front cover) as she tried to explain how she used her breasts to sell nasty cookies to agent Herschel Savage in the kitchen. Her oral on his spotted dick was exceptionally skilled, as expected, and as good as any of the others, including Cherokee, in the movie. It was sloppy, nasty, and heated to say the least, and good enough that he reciprocated fairly well afterwards. Her vaginal ride wasn't nearly long enough for me but it was aggressive and showed some chemistry to go with the passion. He finished off by jerking a tiny load to her chest, making me wonder if he's been working too much.

Scene Five: Devon Michaels, the gal featured on the front DVD cover's left hand side, was up last in a scene with the muscular Lee Stone on the floor in front of the fireplace. She subdued him outside, he was tied to a chair, and then she blew him by squatting over his powerless body. It was a lame BJ and he soon took charge by moving her over to (yes guessed it) the couch to eat her out. She seemed to like what he was doing and he upped the ante by screwing her pussy well enough. She wasn't an active fuck so he had to do most of the work, with some limited bouncing towards the latter part of the scene when he wore a condom. He rubbed out the chest shot and fought her (yeah, like that'd be a challenge for a mountain of muscle versus a mountain, or two, of silicone), ending the silly story.

Summary: Federal Breast Inspectors was worth a rating of Rent It for the scenes by Cherokee and Eva Angelina alone but the uneven nature of the others left me hanging so the rating stayed where it was. The BTS was decent but the other extras were generic, the movie expensive compared to what other companies offer, and while the technical values were better than I've seen from Caesar in the past, they still had some rough edges to contend with. Still, there was some good stuff here showing he had some solid potential once he gets the hang of it. If you like the cast, give this one a look before dropping your hard earned dough for it, but note that I like a few of the cast more than a little so your mileage may vary.

You can email me with questions at Houstondon @ hotmail.com if you have any constructive criticism of the review too. :) Also you can follow me on twitter @HoustonDon

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