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Juggernauts 5

Studio: Mayhem » Review by Don Houston » Review Date: 4/6/06

XCritic's Advice: Skip It

Juggernauts 5

Mayhem/Sin City

Genre: Gonzo, Breasts

Director: Jim Powers

Cast: Dakota Cameron, Carmella Bing, Lee Stone, Regan Anthony, Rick Masters, Danielle Derek, Herschel Savage, Kala Prettyman, Donny Long, Carolyn Monroe, Johnny "Bad Bob" Thrust, Jenner

Length: 117 minutes

Date of Production: 1/12/2006

Extras: There really weren't many extras but the best was clearly the 5 minute long Behind the Scenes feature by Johnny "Bad Bob" Thrust. There was a lot of goofing around and nudity to balance out the serious stuff (it was even Lee Stone's birthday and the day after Dakota Cameron's according to her. This was followed up with six short interviews with the gals, a cumshot recap from the scenes, a photogallery, some trailers, a double sided DVD cover, and some spam but that was it.

Condoms: None

Audio/Video Quality: Juggernauts 5 was presented in 1.33:1 ratio full frame color as shot by director Jim Powers for Mayhem. It wasn't the best looking movie he's shot of late but it was reasonably well handled on technical levels with some of the lighting causing grain, video noise, and other minor issues. Part of this was thanks to the theme of the show; a darker theme involving an orgy house where capes, cowls, and mystery were used to convey a sense of heightened expectations. Unfortunately, these elements also made some of the scenes look weaker than they could've otherwise been if handled more straightforwardly. I saw no compression artifacts and the flesh tones were accurate but as much as I appreciated Jim's attempts to push the limits of the genre, he'll need to do more in the future to actually accomplish it. The audio was presented in a 2.0 Dolby Digital stereo English but it was also a case where I thought Jim wasn't quite on the mark. The vocals were often hollow the music seemed to be generic to the point of getting in the way but this is common on many pornos so I won't beat him up over it again.

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Body of Review: Jim Powers has made an awful lot of porn over the years and some of the time; he does a fine job. Other times, he makes what amount to train wrecks where the gals look mean, they don't have any fun, and the presentation of the action is less than satisfying (to be diplomatic). Such was the case with Juggernauts 5, a movie where the cover advertised "over 140 minutes of monster titty anal mayhem". Well, there wasn't 140 minutes to the movie and BTS combined, the "monster titty" action was weak, and most of the gals didn't do anal (and those that did seemed to be watching the clock for when it was over with). I actually picked this one out to see how well Dakota Cameron did since I spent a lot of time with her on the last day of the 2006 AEE Show but this was another disappointing scene in that regard too. Here's a look at the scenes by the cast and action, noting that condoms weren't a factor here:

Scene One: Dakota Cameron, the cutie on the left hand side of the front DVD cover and Carmella Bing, the brunette on the right hand side, were up first on a bed with the massive Lee Stone. The gals were supposedly always fighting over whose breasts were better so he decided they should decide it once and for all for his own peace of mind. Lee massaged them, had the gals rub their chests together, and even titty fucked the twin sets of double trouble (though Dakota was the better at using dirty talk). Carmella gave him a suck or two but neither really took advantage of any oral opportunities, and Lee was happy enough with using their chests to jerk off before tapping both of their pussies (Carmella first of course). He appeared to be larger than the gals could handle there too, since neither gal could give him an active ride (and PTM with a wipe is simply lame). Carmella was better in the second round; even doing some minor anal after Dakota dropped the ball a second time. It ended with Carmella taking the facial and Dakota avoiding it except on her chest.

Scene Two: Regan Anthony, a self proclaimed bitch (and not physically appealing gal to me) was up next as Rick Masters played a fireman who entered a burning building. Instead of letting him rescue her, she insisted they have sex on the bed (yeah, that's a keen idea, super genius) with him playing her implants as though he'd never seen a breast before in his life. After the extensive titty play, he went down on her (savoring the taste of her snatch and ass) before she reciprocated and blew him adequately, and they boned in several standard positions. It would be slightly unfair to suggest she was a completely worthless lay since she rode him fairly well in the cowgirl position (though not the others), but it was among the most mechanical scenes I've watched in a very long time (and I watch a lot of porn). He rubbed out a load to her face as he held her face still, missing her mouth almost completely with much of his jizz.

Scene Three: Danielle Derek, a perky bleached blonde in a scene where she pretended to come home from the implant clinic for old man Herschel Savage, was way too skinny for the overdone (and lumpy) job that was done. When he said "they fit your body baby", I nearly choked at how wrong he was (and I'm not trying to be mean to her for getting ripped off by some talentless idiot surgeon). Sexually, he played with them a lot, her oral was okay, the titty fuck the best thing about the scene, and the anal (skipping vaginal) was not a strong point. He eventually jerked off using her titties but the scene was a downer in so many ways for me that I didn't feel like writing a book as to how no sober guy would like it.

Scene Four: Kala Prettyman, a very attractive gal with nice curves and some baby fat that looked good on her, was up next in a black bikini as loser Donny Long noticed that he smelled smoke. In keeping with the "I'll let the house burn down around me theme", they proceeded to play with one another as the smoke billowed all around them on the couch. I liked her face and chest a lot (the rest of her was pretty smoking too-pun intended) but it was her ability to playfully tease that appealed to me the most. The titty fuck was swell, the limited oral okay for a beginner, and she did put a little effort into the vaginal sex though not as much as I would've hoped for. I'll be looking for her in some scenes once she learns a few tricks but she definitely has some serious potential in my book.

Scene Five: Carolyn Monroe, another gal with an attractive face and impossibly large implants, finished off the movie in a scene with Johnny "Bad Bob" Thrust and (I guess) Jenner as they played clients at a brothel looking for a gal with large breasts. The guys took turns with her mouth, titties, and pussy; each getting a little action from the fun spots on her map. She did a DP with them but just as she wasn't a great ride in the pussy, her ass didn't show her getting any friskier. Personally, if she would've just acted like she wanted to be there for a couple of minutes, I'd have been ecstatic but that wasn't the case. She eventually took the loads to her chest and that was that.

Summary: Juggernauts 5 was clearly a Skip It for me since the action was tired, the gals appeared to be out of sorts, and the advertised action was something obviously made up in the mind of someone who never watched the DVD. I wanted to like it but that wasn't happening; even the limited highlights it showed were too few and too far between in terms of quality and passion. I'm sure that all of the ladies could've been coaxed into performing better if given the right incentive but maybe something held them back that was edited from the BTS feature. Otherwise, save your money unless you're a slavering fanboy of the cast and unwilling to face the reality that they dropped the ball.

You can email me with questions at Houstondon @ hotmail.com if you have any constructive criticism of the review too. :) Also you can follow me on twitter @HoustonDon

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