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Dirt Pipe Milkshakes

Studio: Platinum X Pictures » Review by Don Houston » Review Date: 4/10/06

XCritic's Advice: Recommended

Dirt Pipe Milkshakes (Naomi)

Platinum X Pictures

Genre: Anal Cream Pies

Director: Jake Malone

Cast: Annie Cruz, Brian Surewood, Andrew Andretti, Bailey, Manuel Ferrara, Michael Stefano, Mika Tan, Steve Holmes, Jon Dough, Sierra Sinn, Naomi; Jake Malone (bonus scene only)

Length: 175 minutes

Dates of Production: 12/16/2005 (box); 11/21/2005, 12/1/2005, 12/2/2005, 12/6/2005, 12/16/2005 (credits)

Extras: For me, the best extra was seeing good old Jake Malone getting a really long hummer from Naomi. She hasn't always been the best oral queen in the jizz biz (not even making the ranking of oral princess or consort for that matter) but she has been getting better faster than almost any of her peers in recent months. The next decent extra was the 11 minute long Behind the Scenes feature. There was some of the extra kinky stuff like enemas and the ladies preparing for their scenes but some of the fun stuff too. I just wish each of the gals had equal time on camera but that couldn't be helped according to those in the know. There was also a photogallery and a double sided DVD cover with the second side being advertising for other titles. Note: there was no cumshot recap as advertised.

Condoms: None

Audio/Video Quality: Dirt Pipe Milkshakes was presented in the same 1.33:1 ratio full frame color it was shot in by director Jake Malone for Platinum X Pictures. The fleshtones were very solid, the lighting generally very well done, and the camera angles were flattering to the women most of the time. Composition of the scenes is more important than some producers seem to realize so I was happy that Jake took his time with most of these scenes with this in mind; a fact he has received little recognition for elsewhere on the net or in publication. There will be some of you that disapprove of the small, light watermark in the lower right hand corner of the picture but this isn't that uncommon these days and I barely noticed it as the action was towards the center of the screen. The 2.0 Dolby Digital encoded stereo English audio was basic and allowed me to hear the cast but there was no big separation between the channels and the dynamic range was kind of weaker than average.

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Body of Review: Jake Malone is reportedly in big demand as a director these days, primarily for the way in which he tends to shoot ladies in the most extreme situations possible. This tends to cater to the ultra jaded raincoater types rather than the majority of fans (even the majority of gonzo fans) though this is the direction the industry is moving in so perhaps he's just slightly ahead of the times. His latest release is Dirt Pipe Milkshakes, a movie where a number of gals used to gonzo sex, including hotty Naomi, were pushed even further than usual. The major theme this time was that each gal would perform an anal creampie and then eat or at least taste it afterwards. There was truth in advertising so each gal did what was expected of her too. Here's a quick breakdown of the scenes by cast and action, noting that no condoms were used:

Scene One: Annie Cruz, a tiny Asian gal wearing a dark pinstriped business suit and matching underwear, was up first as she teased the camera to the thumping beat of some lame drums. I liked the tease, even when she practically fisted herself anally, but I wanted to see her working over scene partners Brian Surewood and Andrew Andretti even more so I knew they'd be close at hand once she settled in on the couch with the toys next to her (and I was right this time). After minimal toy play, she took Andrew in the ass and Brian in her mouth, with the men switching places regularly. The emphasis was clearly on the anal action of the show, especially with her bent over, though she did the usual ATM a lot too. She's not my favorite performer but she has been giving great performances a lot more regularly lately so I can't deny that she's growing on my libido. With a little more toy play and a lot more anal, she even did a DP before the anal creampies (and eating of them after she farted them out). Up until that little circus act stunt, the scene was very well done (and since it's the advertised act, I'm not deducting any points for jumping the shark).

Scene Two: Bailey, a cutie with weirdly colored hair but a nicely curved body, was up next as she played pool (badly but on a great table) with Manuel Ferrara and Michael Stefano. Michael said that if she didn't get a ball in the hole, the guys would be putting their cocks up her ass so guess what happened. They used some anal balls before screwing her pussy and ass, with some fair blowjobs on tap as well. They eventually did some DP work on her and she showed one of the longest gape times of the cast but she wasn't allowed to actively ride them given the positions she was placed in and the way the men took charge. Manuel was the most playful of the trio, poking her just a little bit before pulling back out and repeating the process. It ended when she took the anal creampie and shat them out on a mirror to clean off afterwards. She did swallow and looked a bit like Rita Faltoyano, with pretty eyes so I'll be looking for more of her movies.

Scene Three: Mika Tan, the most sexually experienced woman of the cast, was up next as she teased the camera outside with a black & red fishnet outfit on, dancing around the porch like she was advertising her services. Her partners were Steve Holmes and Jon Dough but it was Jake who applied the oil on her ass (for her to finger) and the milk enema to squirt all over the floor. She licked it up like a kitty, losing interest to go into the other room and use the large blue anal balls to stretch her ass out (blue balls in a porno seems wrong somehow though). She left them in when the guys walked over to plunder her mouth and pussy, doing some ATM on the balls when the guys were ready to nail her curvy ass. They did a little bit of DP on her but stuck primarily with anal before the advertised anal creampies took place. She ate some of it but not much in a decent, if standard, scene.

Scene Four: Sierra Sinn, a gal in her twenties that was dressed in a pink & black outfit (and looked somewhat older than the 16 Jake claimed could've been her age). Fans of all natural bodies will enjoy her though she's not on my top talent list either. The tease montage (why she rated such a feature over some of the others is not within my knowledge) was okay as she jilled herself in slow motion, leading to the scene with studly Manuel Ferrara and Steve Holmes. She blew Manuel while Steve ate her out, soon to find the men plugging away at both her mouth and ass with some minor vaginal work too. She wasn't overly active outside of the oral and the guys boned away at her as hard as they could pound her. The DP was fun as she used verbal skills to coax them on (calling herself a whore among other things). She used her oral skills on Steve's ass to prove even more that she's a "nasty little slut" as she put it. The scene ended as expected with the anal creampies and her eating some of the spew up (again off of a mirror); showing that while her looks might not be the princess quality many of us like, she had some solid skills.

Scene Five: Naomi, the bubble butted hotty on the front DVD cover, was up next in one of her rare anal appearances to date. After seeing her showcased in John Leslie's Naomi: There's Only One, I doubted that this scene would do much for me since that movie really covered her so well but she proved to be ready to rock my world again in this scene with Michael Stefano. Her make up kind of sucked but her overall appeal was the same, especially as she wiggled her ass and let Jake squirt oil onto it. Michael started off by rubbing her ass crack, using a toy on her ass, and then porking her pussy as her ass stretched out. Her breathlessness during the scene showed that she was being worked to her limits, though she gave an active vaginal ride, leading to the anal with ATM so many of you will want to see. The ending was familiar with the anal creampie and eating of spew off the floor. In fairness, I would've liked the scene more if it didn't have the circus act sex but it kept true to the promise of the theme, making it a good scene to enjoy for the raincoaters (and fans of Naomi like myself can accept that the rest of the action was hot too).

Summary: Dirt Pipe Milkshakes was worth a rating of Recommended for my tastes, even though I initially picked it up solely for the scene with Naomi in it. The ladies all knew their roles and the men worked them over exactly as expected. There was a lot of fuck for the buck and the technical matters were handled fairly well by Jake with some good extras to boot. You may like it even more than I did if you're into circus act sex but there was a nice diversity of cast that will allow a lot of you to get off repeatedly if you prefer one type over another (no black gals though). In short, Jake Malone proved his talents as a director once more in Dirt Pipe Milkshakes but the movie will not appeal to those who are feint of heart so be careful.

You can email me with questions at Houstondon @ hotmail.com if you have any constructive criticism of the review too. :) Also you can follow me on twitter @HoustonDon

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