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Naked and Famous

Studio: Pulse Pictures » Review by Don Houston » Review Date: 6/6/06

XCritic's Advice: Skip It

Naked And Famou$

Pulse Pictures

Genre: Vignette

Director: Jack The Zipper, Kimberly Kane

Cast: Faith, Kimberly Kane, Mr. Marcus, Roxy Jezel, Smoking Mary Jane, Charlotte Stokely, James Deen, Dana Vespoli, Otto Bauer, Alec Knight, Dani Woodward, Lexi Love, Kimberly Kane, The Gloryhole Boys

Length: 81.5 minutes

Date of Production: 11/20/2005

Extras: The best extra will be the 14 minute long deleted lesbian scene starring Kimberly Kane. It was stark and on a bed, with lots of reasons why it was deleted from the looks of it but still worth checking out. I liked the 17.5 minute Behind the Scenes feature too, although there was a lot of material not worth checking out unless you're a fan (it was almost as if a camera were left on randomly and the results left unedited. There was a photogallery, a couple of trailers for the movie itself, a double sided DVD cover, and trailers to other Pulse Picture releases like Naturally Stacked 2, Cheek Freaks 2, Dress Up Dolls, Obedience School, Twisted Youth, and Blacklight Beauty.

Condoms: None

Audio/Video Quality: Naked And Famou$ was presented in the usual 1.33:1 ratio full frame color (with some B&W too) as shot by Jack The Zipper with assistance by Kimberly Kane for distribution by Pulse Pictures. Unlike their other releases of late, most of which are double disc extravaganzas full of good technical work and plenty of value, this one was indicative of what is commonly referred to as Alt-Porn. I've seen some of it that works and other titles that were really lame, though the percentages lean heavily in the "lame" category. Well, chalk up another one that looked lame with Naked and Famou$, primarily for the overuse of special visual effects, poor camera work, and sloppy editing. Rather than dissect each aspect of the movie that didn't work, suffice it to say that amateurish use of special effects do not make a movie "cutting edge" in porn any more than they do in a mainstream flick (I dare anyone who finds this movie erotic or inventive to attend a film class and sit through class project films made by first or second year students; you'll see how they learn to limit the use of effects pretty quickly to convey whatever message they seek to convey). The grain and video noise were plentiful and the composition of the shots detracted from the looks of the cast though there weren't a lot of compression artifacts seen here. The audio was presented in stereo English with Dolby Digital processing. The vocals were typically playing second fiddle to the music track, music provided by a number of small bands of various levels of talent. If you like the kind of music presented (and this is not outside the realm of possibilities), you'll probably enjoy the movie much more than I did although I still don't think that there was much strokable about the flick.

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Body of Review: Pulse Pictures has become a company well worth keeping an eye on for the kind of value they provide as well as the quality of their productions. While not every title has been totally great, even their weaker efforts have proven well worth checking out due in large part to the skills of their directors. Well, in a change of pace, the company now presents Jack The Zipper as their latest auteur, marking a distinctive change in their course. I could regal you about the lack of skill or wacko style of the guy's past works (he's only made a few flicks, apparently, someone agreed with my assessment of his "talents") but I list him as one of those types that must appeal to a generation that hates sex or quality production values in their porn (much like a small group of people hate any movies made by Americans as somehow less interesting). His latest effort was also the debut of performer Kimberly Kane, a sexually gifted young lady, as coconspirator of the movie titled Naked And Famou$. The vignettes were mostly lesbian in nature, full of the style Jack has provided in the past and while Kimberly may be given some of the blame for the movie, you can compare this one to previous efforts by Jack and see almost no difference at all. For those still interested, here's a quick look at the scenes by cast and action, noting that if you can get off to most of them, you have a hyped up libido worthy of very few people in the world:

Scene One: Faith…Gotta Have It: Faith, a very attractive gal with dark hair and a lean body, Kimberly Kane, the well known hotty on the front DVD cover, and the studly Mr. Marcus start the movie with a scene in a bedroom overlooking the city. Kimberly's wearing a large leather belt and fishnet stockings while the other two are in their birthday suits. Faith looks like a pale, perfect babe you'd suspect ending up in a contract and Marcus was more than willing to nail her every which way but loose by the picture window. The relative contrast between their skin tones added a visual appeal, though the arty farty black & white work in the bathroom would've been better left as a selection for the deleted footage reel (it was claustrophobic and the three couldn't do much in there). The scene bounced back to the bedroom and Kimberly did precious little other than serve as a helper here, wasting her skills in large part. The energy of the trio was mixed (when they were cooking, they were great but then they died down like they gave up for some reason), ending when she jerked him off to her face.

Scene Two: Roxy Rules The World: Roxy Jezel, playing a dominatrix, dominated Betty Page wannabe "Smoking" Mary Jane in what came across as a tiny bathroom painted red. There was a fair amount of dirty talk and the gals conveyed a sense of power swapping but it was too short and lacked in terms of sexual activity (a few licks of the lollipop isn't what I want to see when these two are involved in a scene together).

Scene Three: Everyone Loves Stokely: Charlotte Stokely, a newer gal to porn with milky white (some would say frog belly white) skin and a haunting look to her face, was up next in a scene where she teased the camera in a few settings wearing a bolt of fabric (the kind from wedding dresses) and stripper shoes). It was another example of someone trying to be artistic and soon gave way to a dingy looking bedroom that could've served as a flop house haunt in the worst section of town with James Deen as her partner. I've seen Hurricane victims living in better conditions and it would take a lot of words to describe how gross the room looked (peeling paint, trash everywhere, a mattress that came out of an abandoned house, etc.) but she was not the picture of loveliness either. Her make up made her look like a zombie and if you want an example of what a crack whore looks like, take a glimpse of this one (she can look rather appealing when handled properly). The pulsing music gave way to dead silence and she sucked and fucked him like she was not in the mood. When the music kicked back in, I was praying for the silence to come back (obnoxious wouldn't begin to cover it) but she was most passive as a fuck partner, relying on oral skills more than anything else to give a sense of heat. In general, I hated the scene for what it was and know both of them are more capable of better things.

Scene Four: Babyland: Angel Baby, wearing what looked to be a leather top and stripper shoes, was up next on the rooftop with a weirdly wigged Kimberly Kane in plain view of other buildings. Shot in black & white, the camera work did nothing to add any appeal to the couple, with oral and fingering action the primary sexual antics to look forward to. The music was decidedly different, though not as terrible as most of the previous music by a long shot, and the use of slow motion photography even worse than a Celeste movie. The strap on dildo work was mechanical too and the movie continued to dive headfirst into oblivion with this one.

Scene Five: Ride A Rock Horse: Dana Vespoli, an attractive brunette with an all natural body, and Kimberly Kane, looking far less appealing than she has in the recent past, were up next in a Western themed scene with Otto Bauer and Alec Knight. The initial action was strictly lesbian (licking and finger sticking) and soon gave way to the ladies sucking cock with abandon; playing to their relative strengths for a change. The horse stall they started in was poorly lit and the whorish look so catered to in the movie was in full evidence, moving to the outdoors in a coral where a live horse seemed more interested in the movie than most humans would be. Dana became the focal point of the action here, taking cock in all three holes though mostly as a rag doll for the men, passively doing them until she was given more oral work to prosper to. The double facial was okay but the sepia look of the latter part of the scene reminded me of when I was learning to use a videocamera (a very long time ago) and wanted to use every gimmick button it offered.

Scene Six: Piston Sisters: Dani Woodward, Smoking Mary Jane, and Roxy Jezel, were up next in a lesbian tryst on a couch. Mary had her Betty Page look going on much better this time and had a couple of dildos strapped to her legs for the other two gals to ride. The scene showed the gals grinding and masturbating before getting it on together, with some actual heat between them at times. Dani actively rode the fake cock better than I think I've ever seen her in the past and Roxy proved to be pretty good herself. One thing I appreciated about the action was how the gals was how their make up was allowed to get all smeared (especially the lipstick) as they went down on one another with some face sitting action. Roxy took charge again and it was far from a great scene but at least the poor editing and camera work weren't prone to the overly artistic special effects so many of the other scenes were beaten up with.

Scene Seven: Fortune And Glory: Lexi Love, Kimberly Kane, and a trio of uncredited men called "The Gloryhole Boys", were up next in a scene where the lighting was all tinted red and a strobe was kicked in to a bit of music worthy of any punk club in NYC. The walls of the small room were covered in naked pictures of ladies and Kimberly led the action this time from beginning to end. Kimberly is one of the better cocksuckers in porn these days and aside from the lame effects (sped up motion, slow motion, lighting and quick cuts among them) it was an okay scene if you turn the music down (I liked the song Firefly but it seemed out of place here; I think it's sung by Cherry 2000 but there were no scene specific credits provided). They jerked off the men after some serious sucking in this anti-erotic scene, coating Lexi's body thoroughly.

Summary: Naked And Famou$ was a title I felt very comfortable rating as a Skip It. If porn is supposed to be strokable, this would serve as the antithesis to that concept, making the sex look unappealing and gross (unlike the brutal sex that at least comes across as energetic and enthusiastic as a grudge fuck). I know that supporters of the genre or title itself will make the knee jerk reaction about the reviewer "not getting it" but as I've said in the past, if I don't "get" an erection from the sex, I'm not going to like it. The most playful material was in the extras section and while I can enjoy a wide range of sexual conduct in my porn, if the people don't seem to be having fun in the actual act of sex, I don't imagine most people watching it are going to enjoy it either. I can appreciate that Jack and Kimberly tried to do something "different" but "different" doesn't always mean cutting edge, interesting, or any of the other adjectives you'll find bandied about these days. It's not my job to come up with obscure reasons for you to like the movie (as a reviewer at DVD Talk, my job is to educate the readers and be an active consumer advocate) so I can tell you that reviewing this one is far easier for me than industry sources must've found it.

You can email me with questions at Houstondon @ hotmail.com if you have any constructive criticism of the review too. :) Also you can follow me on twitter @HoustonDon

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