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Filthy Fuckers 202: Cum Vampires

Studio: Other » Review by Don Houston » Review Date: 6/13/06

XCritic's Advice: Watch It Online

Cum Vampires

Swank Digital

Genre: Vignette, Foreign

Director/Producer: Denys Defrancesco

Cast: Susie Diamond, Monique, Pamela, Barbara, Niki Dark, Petra, Francesca, Kristy, all men were left completely off the credits (not even on the cover, ending credits or anything else, though I recognized Bob Terminator)

Length: 92.5 minutes

Date of Production: 5/1/2006

Extras: The best extra for me was the 33 minute long Behind the Scenes feature (called "Castings") that started off with a few lengthy interviews of several of the ladies (at least one of which had a completely different name than what was listed). After that, the show was in montage form with droning music in place of vocals. Considering that any vocals would have been in a foreign tongue (or two), it wasn't that much of a problem for me but what about subtitles? In any case, the interviews were follows by each gal stripping off her clothes and teasing the camera for a few minutes with the latter part showing material from the scenes. This was followed by a 10.5 minute long series of photoshoots with alternative names and some silly BTS footage at the end too. There was a photogallery, some trailers, and spam at the end of the extra section too.

Condoms: None

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Audio/Video Quality: Cum Vampires was presented in an anamorphic widescreen presentation as shot by Denys Defrancesco for release in the USA by Swank Digital. The fleshtones were accurate and the lighting fairly solid but there was a bunch of grain and some light video noise. There were also occasional compression artifacts and the composition of the camera angles left much to be desired. The editing was often faulty too, though about right for low budget foreign porn, and sometimes got in the way of the pacing of the scenes. The audio was presented in a stereo English with overdubbed voices (not the sex sounds but the opening comments to each scene, much like Private used to do) describing the set ups of the scenes. The single musical refrain sounded like it was taped off a music box (pleasant but repetitive).

Body of Review: In the world of porn, many companies try to break into the multi-billion dollar business on the cheap by importing foreign shot porn, adding some English language vocals, and then presenting it as all new, or under some label that draws attention disproportionate to the quality of the sex acts it depicts. Such was the case with Swank Digital's Cum Vampires where the cover said: "Let our moist mouths engulf your swollen shaft. Prepare to lose your load between our wet pussies, rounded rears, or luscious lips. We'll slurp up that joy juice wherever it lands. Watch it dribble down our chins and you'll be hooked for an eternity. Then drive your stake in us until daybreak!" In reality, the ladies were generally very attractive and sexually skilled but typically lacked the kind of spark that gives the show replay value. Here's a look at the scenes, noting that none of the men were listed anywhere and that even the ladies had multiple names but at least no condoms were used:

Scene One: Susie Diamond, a 20 year old brunette, Monique, a lean gal with light brown hair, and an uncredited guy, were up first in bed after an opening overdub in English explained the weak set up. They sucked him off and showed some experience with a dick in their respective mouths, paying some limited amount of attention to the camera (especially during the almost POV angle). It was purely mechanical but they were good at putting that energy into a scene, unlike many others I've watched. They did taste testing; both PTM and ATM, and I'll be the first to admit that Susie in particular was extremely beautiful. It was shorter than expected and ended with some cumswapping and extensive kissing.

Scene Two: Pamela, a 21 year old Russian blonde, Barbara (on the BTS was called Julia, a 22 year old Russian from St Petersburg), a tall redhead, and some generic guy were up next as the gals were supposedly sneaking into a local sperm bank to make a withdrawal using cheapo nurse outfits bought at the nearby thrift store and preying on unsuspecting donors. The nurse theme was hilariously established in the overdub (and the stripper nurse outfits probably cost substantially more than a real nurses outfit would have) and the ladies did some lesbian action while working him into the act. There was oral, vaginal, and lots of anal with taste testing in the medical-looking facility. Sexually, the action was another where the ladies looked to be skilled sex workers placed in front of the camera. Mechanical sex well done gave it some replay value though not as much as if they had looked to be having fun. It ended with a pop shot to the mouth

Scene Three: Niki Dark, a 21 year old cutie as seen on the top left hand column of the front DVD cover, worked over 2 men in a hotel room on the bed in this next scene. The picture on the cover did not do her justice and while the editing wasn't optimal, she was not bad in her scene, sucking and fucking them in a variety of ways. She did anal and they let loose some large loads but this was one scene where the technical work (camera and editing) truly weakened the action for me).

Scene Four: Petra and Francesca/Olga, the two gals featured on the front DVD cover, played strippers from Montreal that worked over a client in bed who was said to be a vampire (the only reference to the title in the movie). The sex was not similar to the other scenes as they sucked his dick and only did oral until the facial occurred, but they did do some heated oral on him.

Scene Five: Barbara, the redhead from earlier, was up as an extra friendly neighbor in a weirdly decorated kitchen with Kristy and a man after Barbara masturbated with a convenient vibrator. The same dynamic came into play here with the ladies sucking him off in tag team fashion but they also rode his cock vaginally, gave a titty fuck, and did some strap on dildo sex. It was a generic scene in terms of chemistry, heat, and passion, but not that far off from the sex the other scenes provided.

Scene Six: Lara, an all natural brunette with a beaten pussy but sultry face, took on 2 men in bed (wild leopard print accents too) in the final scene. She was enthusiastic as the men took turns nailing her mouth, pussy, and ass, but she wasn't an active rider for the most part. If she had been part of an all oral scene, I'd have appreciated her skills a lot more than I did here. The only guy of the show I recognized by name, Bob Terminator, was present here.

Summary: Cum Vampires had about as much to do with vampires as Pirates did since it was a set of completely separate sex scenes unrelated to one another. They weren't all bad, in fact, almost all of them had enough stroke value to merit a rating of Rent It, but this was because the ladies more than any other factor of the DVD. Had the direction been better, the concept handled with more finesse, and the length of the movie itself been better, it may have achieved a higher rating but the great extras were balanced by the limits of foreign porn and that made my first experience with Swank Digital to be a mixed blessing.

You can email me with questions at Houstondon @ hotmail.com if you have any constructive criticism of the review too. :) Also you can follow me on twitter @HoustonDon

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