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American Sex Idol

Studio: Platinum Blue » Review by Don Houston » Review Date: 8/4/06

XCritic's Advice: Watch On Demand

American Sex Idol

Platinum Blue/Passion Productions

Genre: Feature, Comedy

Director: Cash Markman

Cast: Julie Robbins, Dick Smothers Jr., Lady Victoria Spencer, Mario Rossi, Layla Jade, Hershel Savage, Jessica Jaymes, Laurie Wallace, Venus
Non-sex roles by: Cash Markman, Steve Austin, Tina Tyler, George Kaplan, Jeremy Steele, Miles Long

Length: 87.5 minutes

Dates of Production: 4/13/2003, 5/3/2003, 5/10/2003

Extras: There were no extras this time; not surprising since the movie is over three years old. Still, there was a listing for Captain Bob and Jim Travis as BTS cameramen so I guess I was disappointed that no extras could be found for this DVD.

Condoms: Yes

Audio/Video Quality: American Sex Idol was presented in 1.33:1 aspect ratio full frame color as directed by Cash Markman for distribution by Platinum Blue. The lighting was generally decent, minimizing the grain and video noise as well as providing accurate fleshtones. The composition of the camera work was not always favorable to the ladies but I thought a decided majority of the time the ladies were the primary consideration. The audio was presented in a 2.0 Dolby Digital with little true separation between the channels outside the bizarre fact that the vocals all came from the left hand channel and the less than average dynamic range, much like the expected sonic quality of the estimated budget would allow. The vocals were clear and the music minimal but there really wasn't much to say about this aspect of the movie either in favor or against it. In all, I could see why they sat on this one for so long.

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Body of Review: Cash Markman has the kind of twisted sense of humor that works well with porn comedies although he has long been relegated to ultra low budget porn that really doesn't give him the chance to show his skills at their very best. When picking through the screener pile last week, I happened upon a title that looked interesting by the director called American Sex Idol, a porn parody of the popular network show concerning musically inclined folks (well, some of them are). This version dealt with a group of selected contestants running for a title of porn idol so the dynamic was still the same, though it was a loose parody much like Nikita's Sex Idol, Porn Star Idol, and the Can You Be A Porn Star? series have been. The lead character was Dick Smothers Jr. playing himself with a lot of hair dye to look younger (hint: it doesn't work) who would have sex and act like a jerk while his producer, played by director Cash Markman would field the problems away from him. The movie had some good comedy, better comedy than sex if you want the truth, and I found it cute but unrealized in terms of fulfilling the potential of the cast and crew. Here's a quick look at the scenes, noting that one condom was used and the movie was shot over three years ago:

Scene One: Julie Robbins, a moderately attractive gal with light hair and a lean body (hate those implants though), was up first with Dick Smothers Jr. on the desk in his office. She seemed to be clocking his performance as though paid by the minute, reminding me of a great many strippers I've been acquainted with (that know the approximate time of every song their DJ's have on file). The oral was basic and mechanical and he did most of the work screwing her with some of the fakest moaning by her that I've seen in a long time. Her blowjob wasn't bad and about midway through the scene she kicked it up a notch to provide some modest energy as she rode him reverse cowgirl though the phrase "too little, too late" came to mind. It ended when he rubbed out a load to her ass cheeks with her making a passing nod to his hot cum.

Scene Two: Lady Victoria Spencer, another bleach blonde implant queen, was up next at the bar with bartender Mario Rossi hitting on her. The dialogue was painfully weak but the sex was professionally handled in the usual cold manner. She slobbed his knob slowly and he returned the oral favor handily. They initially screwed with her sitting on a barstool with him wearing a condom, his pacing reminding me of Chris Charming. Once she sat on his cock in reverse cowgirl, she provided a far more active ride to enjoy though it was just one position away from the facial. The scene was limited but it wasn't too bad in terms of providing some minor heat at times, however uneven it may have been.

Scene Three: Layla Jade, another blonde from England, was up next with old man Hershel Savage by a pool outdoors. I know Layla has a great number of slavering fanboys who think she can do no wrong and I'm not going to try and persuade you otherwise though the oral was clearly the best part of the scene. She knew how to work a cock in her mouth like a seasoned professional and provided enough oral attention to convince me that spending the dough on her for the scene wasn't a waste of funds. That said, as active as she may have been in vaginally and anally riding the cock; it was a cold and mechanical ride. Fake moaning and the expression on her face did little to tell me she had any fun outside of picking up her paycheck (and maybe the blowjob she gave). None of the cast were all that fired up during their scenes but I hold her more accountable given that I've seen what she can do when she tries, making this all the more shame as a result. It ended with a small mouth pop that showed how very much he had been working that week.

Scene Four: Jessica Jaymes and Laurie Wallace, the two most physically attractive ladies of the cast to me, were up next in a lesbian scene after their male partners had problems. It was set in a jail cell and Jessica took the sexual lead, licking and fingering her new pal with a lot of attitude as she tried to show her who the boss was. The music was woefully out of place and I have to admit that I enjoyed the couple playing even when they brought out the oversized toy but some meat might have proven a better idea. Still, after the last scene, at least this couple had some chemistry and heat as they did each other; a marked improvement to say the least.

Scene Five: Venus, a dark haired gal with huge areolas and a pretty face, was up next as she sat beside Dick Smothers Jr. on the generic black couch. Her throaty vocals and the foreplay made it a better scene than it should have been given they didn't seem to be wanting one another except as the means to pick up a check. I do like her though and this scene was better than half the others of the show with her oral being the highlight of the action between the couple. Her ability to tease was solid and she did try to actively ride back a bit but it never really achieved the potential it could have, largely because I didn't pick up any spark between them. It closed with a facial and that was it for the movie.

Summary: American Sex Idol was another one of director Cash Markman's movies that I have to suggest as a Rent It, and even then only to fans of the cast. The levels of fuck for the buck were pale compared to most contemporarily shot porn and the lack of extras told me that no one cared enough to provide any kind of value. The fact that the DVD case had a sticker indicating it was distributed by Platinum Blue also said that it was shot for someone else and no one wanted it, disproving the theory that even the bad stuff gets released promptly. In fairness to Cash though, his writing and wit were the best part of the movie and considering this was a stroke flick, that's a bad thing if you catch my drift. In short, American Sex Idol lacked any of the qualities most consumers look for in a modern porno and if I have to be the "Simon" pointing it out, so be it. On the high end of the scale of generosity, I'll give it a Rent It but it's a shame that Markman's talents went to waste yet again.

You can email me with questions at Houstondon @ hotmail.com if you have any constructive criticism of the review too. :) Also you can follow me on twitter @HoustonDon

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