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Weapons of Ass Destruction 5

Studio: Jules Jordan Video » Review by Don Houston » Review Date: 10/12/06

XCritic's Advice: Highly Recommended

Weapons of Ass Destruction 5

Jules Jordan Video

Genre: Gonzo

Director: Jules Jordan

Cast: Amy Ried, Jules Jordan, Cindy Crawford, Erik Everhard, Steve Holmes, Isabel Ice, Jasmine Tame, Jerry, August Night, Kris Slater, Jamie Elle

Length: 195.5 minutes

Date of Production: 8/16/2006

Extra's: The best extra was easily the 29 minute long Behind the Scenes feature that showed some of the cast having extra fun before, during, and after their scenes (Jules' BTS footage is always heavy on additional sex though so don't expect a lot of watching the ladies put on make up and stuff). Fans will enjoy seeing the ladies when they weren't acting so much (they were more natural when they felt the main feature wasn't shooting) and some of Jules' instructions to them explained some of the limitations of the action but it was also fun to watch as a fan myself. The cool thing about it was how the aspect ratio was matched to the movie (it was clear that the first disc's scenes were shot in anamorphic widescreen with the BTS showing those scenes caught as such, with the second disc's full frame nature shown too-it wasn't a mastering problem). There were also trailers to Breast Worship, Ass Worship, Jenna Haze: Dark Side, Black Owned, Feeding Frenzy 8, Weapons of Ass Destruction 4, and Tunnel Vision, a photogallery, a partial cast list, a Jules Jordan biography, a cumshot recap, and some links to websites.

Condoms: None

Audio/Video Quality: Weapons of Ass Destruction 5 was presented in the visually appealing 1.85:1 anamorphic widescreen (all the scenes on the first disc) AND 1.33:1 ratio full frame (second disc only) as originally shot by director Jules Jordan for distribution by his own company, Jules Jordan Video. The lighting was presented in a very pleasing manner that lit up the action in the scenes very well, limiting the grain and video noise a lot while still providing lots of detail thanks to the anamorphic processing employed. There were a few scenes where things weren't quite as good but that was almost certainly due to Jules providing a more realistic setting for thematic results. So, in the scenes where the lighting was flat and stronger; the picture was as good as anything from Jules that I've watched to date. The scenes where the lighting couldn't be provided that way were still well lit for the circumstances but admittedly not optimal for seeing the action as clearly as some fans, myself included, would like. The grain and video noise were both better than usual, marking another positive visual improvement by Jules that was complimented by the compositional work Jules offered up that repeatedly enhanced the look of the cast. There were no noticed compression artifacts and while the picture wasn't the best gonzo I've seen; it was somewhat better than I expected. I again wonder what future releases using one of the true high definition formats (Blu-Ray or HD-DVD) will do for the quality of the picture given his recent improvements over past works. The audio was presented in a stereo 2.0 Dolby Digital offering that really didn't use any separation in terms of the vocals (there was a lot of potential to do so here too). The dynamic range was also kind of generic, an area that seemed slightly better than previous efforts and an area that Jules could easily improve to make best use of the great many home theatres in the hands of porn fans everywhere.

Body of Review: Jules Jordan is either the best director in gonzo porn or a talentless bum according to the polarized masses of fans and industry insiders I've communicated with. I heavily lean toward the former as a relatively late convert to the man's sense of style though I'll be the first to admit that his movies are typically among the most predictable in terms of the technical aspects they offer up. One of the strengths he brings to his movies is the ability to get some of the very best work out of his cast and while I have only seen a few of his now out of print releases at Evil Angel earlier than a couple of years ago, I'm told that they'll be offered by Jules Jordan Video soon enough; giving me reason to see for myself how much the man has grown as a director. His latest anal epic is Weapons of Ass Destruction 5, a lengthy set of wonderfully heated scenes by some of the best ass in porn when the scenes were shot. Jules does it again here by showcasing the ladies at their very best in the six scenes so fans have reason to rejoice at the levels of quality and quantity offered up. That said, here's a brief description of what took place on the two disc set, noting that no condoms were used during the risky sexual practices the cast engaged in:

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Scene One: Amy Ried, the hotty featured on the lower middle of the front DVD cover in her sred PVC stripper nurse outfit, was up first as she provided some of the tease I've come to expect from director Jules Jordan. She walked through the house showing off her goodies, finding Jules waiting for her upstairs. He savored the taste of her titties and the contrast between their skin tone (he was frog belly white and she was nicely tanned) added something for me that I can't quite explain. She wanted in on providing some heated oral so she started engulfing his throbbing cock and actively working it into her mouth, using her hand and eye contact to elevate the stroke value for fans at home. He gave her some licking too, spending lots of time on her asshole as she continued orally working his shaft over, resulting in the duo moving downstairs to vaginally screw. He then pulled out some of his glass toysto stretch her ass to capacity, warming it up for some ATM and to be replaced by his cock. She actively pushed back as she shouting out for him to continue doing her, rubbing her clit as he planked her hard. They then did a number of other positions with the cowgirl related ones showing her really impaling herself on him to the max (and looking great thanks to her titties bouncing up and down). It's funny that her best work has been coming out in the months since she left porn but this scene showed her at her finest; with chemistry and passion to compliment the energy. It ended when he busted his nut all over her face, providing a solid opening scene to enjoy repeatedly.

Scene Two: Cindy Crawford, the light haired pornstress seen on the upper left hand side of the front cover (beside the word "Ass"), was up next and she reminded me that her time working as a contract gal was wasted when she teased the camera with her curvy body (great slutware by the way) before having a scene with both studly Erik Everhard and gentleman Steve Holmes,. During the tease portion of the show, she left nothing to the imagination in her fishnets and satin blue corset, proving to be more than a match for her mainstream counterpart as she readied herself for inspection by the men. They used their fingers and some toys on her to prepare her for the scene, producing a large gap before taking turns hitting it hard. Unlike some gals in porn, Cindy took them on with a flair as she enjoyed the anal action (cleaning the toys out of her holes as if into her own juices). Erik was the first to really tap into her pussy hard with his sense of abandon that he has become very famous for over the last several years. She was getting off on his attention and blew Steve at the time, swapping roles to take anal from the man as she gave Erik a hummer. The men continued to ravage her willing body (she was demanding they do so) in numerous positions before they did a DP but the specific acts weren't nearly as important as her active riding skills and attitude for cock. To think JKP kept this hotty under wraps with watered down sex when she was clearly in need of the real deal to show her passionate side just makes me want to puke but her recent work, while more extreme than I generally care for, has proven the lady to be one to search out; this being the best she's done to date in so many ways. The scene ended in an anal creampie (something Erik can't show at Evil Angel) with the clock running out for them appropriately at the movie's 69 minute mark.

Scene Three: Isabel Ice, the short haired gal seen on the upper right hand side of the cover wearing purple and black striped stretch pants, was up next as she walked up the stairs to the front door, showing off her "big juicy butt" as Jules put it. Fans of this UK hotty will like her white shirt and tight shorts but the outfit she changed into was even better as the camera showed not only great butt munch footage but some fine cameltoe too. The tease continued as she changed into her cover outfit and went outside, the pure, natural light of the perfect day enhancing her figure as she did some booty drop action to showcase her perfect ass (while a truck was heard in the background). I was surprised to see she left some pubic hair but the ass tease was off the scale in terms of stroke value, nearly causing me to pause reviewing for some personal enjoyment. She then went back inside to hook up with last scene's dynamic duo; Erik Everhard and Steve Holmes, the perfect combination of gonzo cock for her to play with (Erik's driven style and Steve's gentle nature often assume the roles of "good cop, bad cop" in sexual parlayance that can keep a gal off balance but really into the sex). She sucked off Steve while Erik ripped her clothing for access to her genitalia, showing Erik how incredibly tight her pussy was in return. Her messy hummer was enhanced by the use of her hand but Erik pounding away at her was a sight to behold and she loved it. Steve then took the initiative to fuck her ass and let her suck him clean with ATM while Erik tried her ass (she even rimmed Steve at this point). Proving to have no limits, she did a DP and DAP (double anal), letting them men deposit their semen inside for her to shit out into her hand for swallowing. Okay, for me this was gross since it looked tainted with turd (the gals that do it when the semen is white are still gross but at least within reason) but some of you are looking for circus act sex and this scene, for all the heated action, certainly would qualify.

Scene Four: Jasmine Tame, the beautiful hotty seen on the upper right hand corner of the cover (between Isabel and the title), was last up on the first disc, starting her tease at about the 100 minute mark. Her tease was initially in her black and white spotted PVC outfit but it didn't last long as she slowly disrobed and masturbated for Jules to enjoy. Her dirty talk enhanced the action for me with just a hint of masturbation before Erik Everhard (Jules must've gotten a package deal at a discount rate or at least called in some favors for him to be so available) and Jerry started using toys on her pussy and ass. By the looks of it, she was the tightest gal of the bunch so far, struggling to take the toys inside of her after they used a huge amount of lube on her. She did some ATM with the toys but it was clear that she preferred the real thing as she sucked them off in the living room; looking up to them as she dropped to her knees. She claimed to want cock in her mouth and the way she aggressively sucked them off, it was plain to see that she wasn't just paying them lip service (pun intended) but as good as her oral was, she climbed aboard their cocks (initially one at a time) and rode with a sense of abandon that seemed to stun even Erik (riding cock like he rides pussy). The anal was definitely slower but she warmed up to it too, continuing her quest to taste her own juices as she had with the PTM by doing some solid ATM. If she ever did a DP like this one, I can't recall it but she pushed her limits as much as the men did; asking for more and calling out in pleasure over the pain she must've felt too. Twenty years from now when she writes a book about how she was made to do it, hated it, or otherwise tries to re-write history, I'm going to be there to bear witness that the gal was totally into the scene, coaxing them on and on as they hammered away at her holes. All she needed was for Jules to jump in and get a hummer to make her airtight for perfection (though then her sweet vocal demands for more cock wouldn't have been heard). The choking was minimal but it ended as expected with the anal creampies; shitting the spew out in big globs of yellowish spunk (thankfully not tasting or swallowing it before the camera faded away).

Scene Five: August Night, looking like a younger, leaner Gia Jordan on the lower right hand side of the front DVD cover, was up first on the second disc with the interesting idea of changing the format to a 1.33:1 ratio full frame offering. She was in her bikini out in the perfect sunlight so the initial detail was still pretty high (though not as high as possible), but sadly, Jules took her inside after a few moments of tease to take the show in the house for Kris Slater to partake of her wares. I loved the bending over action and her juicy ass was built for the kind of spanking she asked for but the way she treated him told me that she was performing during her virtual lapdance more than getting off as the previous ladies seemed to be doing. The dynamic changed a bit when she slobbed his knob; appearing to pay too much attention to the camera but still becoming increasingly excited by the response she was getting from him as he started to lose control. They slowed down with some booty rubbing (essentially him jerking off using her ass cheeks but not sticking his cock inside of her) but she was tearing up the small screen when it came time to ride his cock inside of her pussy, showing as active a ride as she's ever had the opportunity to show on camera. She might have still been giving a performance but what a performance she gave! There was some PTM and she then they did a few more vaginal positions before the anal began. It started off slowly; more slowly then the other gals as though her experience levels were drastically lower, but once she was on top in cowgirl, she rode very well indeed. She might have been the top talent of the set but it was a better scene than I initially thought it would be. It ended when she aggressively sucked him off onto her face; looking like she forgot about the camera in the process.

Scene Six: Jamie Elle, the lean hotty sporting newly lightened hair on the upper left hand corner of the front cover (her head near Cindy's ass and the beginning of the word "destruction"), was up last as she came to the door to meet Steve Holmes while he waited for Jules. Her bikini enhanced her figure and her trademarked girlish demeanor routine was maintained throughout the show, allowing enough tease during the voyeuristic camera work, that I laughed hard when she stumbled upon him jerking off and made a face, only to back away as most of us would do. She went back to sunbathing her lithe little form and he came out to meet her (or was that "meat her") with his cock at full erection sticking out of his pants. He felt her up and sucked her tight little ass, warming her up enough that the hummer she gave him in return seemed only natural. It was too short a blowjob and the pair went inside to get really busy but each did some more oral on the other in between vaginal positions. She wasn't overly active in how she received him physically but she did turn up the vocals a few notches and the action soon turned to anal (with some ATM for those who care). It ended with an anal creampie that she licked up off the floor when she shat it out (looking nice and white thank you very much) but I had mixed feelings about the scene because it really didn't show her as active as I like performers to be in their scenes. Still, her cuteness alone (and her willingness to take the second pop shot in her mouth to swallow) helped mitigate the weaknesses of the scene for me.

Summary: Weapons of Ass Destruction 5 was a winner by Jules Jordan that should sell quite well at Jules Jordan Video. My only real complaint was that the back cover listed the running time as 4 hours when the movie itself was far closer to 3 hours, a marketing device that must include the extras to flesh out the time (few reputable companies do this these days and it's the first time I recall Jules trying it). Otherwise, the technical values of Weapons of Ass Destruction 5 were superior, the amounts of fuck for the buck solid, and the lovely ladies a delight to watch time and again as the replay and stroke value made this one worth a rating of Highly Recommended. The move to anamorphic widescreen presentations will serve fans well in terms of providing more detail and as long as Jules casts only the best performers, he'll clearly provide titles that fans will enjoy. So I guess this marks yet another example of why the man puts so many of his peers to shame (and offers some of the riskier forms of sexual conduct that many of you are demanding like anal creampies).

You can email me with questions at Houstondon @ hotmail.com if you have any constructive criticism of the review too. :) Also you can follow me on twitter @HoustonDon

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