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My Secret Life

Studio: Metro » Review by Don Houston » Review Date: 10/17/06

XCritic's Advice: Recommended

My Secret Life

Metro Interactive/Cal Vista

Genre: Feature

Director: DCypher

Cast: Dillan Lauren, Anthony Hardwood, Kirsten Price, Barrett Blade, Jelena Jensen, Tall Goddess, Justine Joli, April Blossom, Jack Venice, Bella Starr, Brittney Skye, Crissy Moran, Vivian West, Victoria Sweet, Tricia Oaks, Sophia, Ron Jeremy
Non-sex roles: Jack Crown, Shanna McCullough, George Kaplan, others not credited

Length: 102.5 minutes

Date of Production: 9/11/2006 (box); 12/7/2005 & 12/8/2005 (credits)

Extra's: The first disc of the set had no extras but the second disc made up for it. The second disc, however, had a lot to look forward to with a 53 minute long Behind the Scenes feature by Dic Tracy. The majority of the feature was comprised of interviews with the ladies, some extra nudity, and a glimpse into the movie via the ladies perceptions. There was also a short photogallery, 26.5 minutes of female masturbation sequences (hubba hubba folks!), 7.5 minutes of silly Bloopers, 7.5 minutes of additional orgy footage (without the thumping mess of a score too), some spam, a number of trailers, and a commercial for Go-Flix. There was a true double sided DVD cover and a protective cardboard case as well.

Condoms: None

Audio/Video Quality: My Secret Life was presented in a non-anamorphic widescreen 1.85:1 (letterboxed) color as shot by director DCypher for release under the Cal Vista label by Metro Interactive. Shot in "Hi-Def", the movie actually looked very crisp and clear in terms of the picture. The fleshtones were accurate and the level of detail provided was quite high for a Metro release but it wasn't substantially different than most mid range porn offered these days. The composition of the shots tended to favor the ladies, showing marked improvement from his last movie. The audio was presented in a 2.0 Dolby Digital English offering, not the surround sound bandied about online, and for the most part, it provided a standard porn experience. The vocals were easy to hear and the music was pretty good this time, showing some care as it related to the thematic elements of the movie, with the exception of the orgy scene's techno drivel.

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Body of Review: DCypher is now the latest contract director for Club Jenna and I can honestly see him bringing something much needed to the high end company as well as providing him the perfect opportunity to show what he has to offer without all the second guessing and limited budgets he's had to deal with in recent years. His latest release for Metro Interactive is a comedy called My Secret Life, a story of an insurance agent by day, porn director by night played by the talented mainstream actor jack Crown. Playing Alex, he shows more than a little acumen for comedy as the director/script writer DCypher seems to send up many porn industry stereotypes and clichés, perhaps even a semi-autobiographical look into his own life as a result. The cover said this of the movie: "Acclaimed director DCypher ("Prisoner" "Wonderland") unites a cast of lovely women including Covergirl Justine Joli to fuel the dreams of our intrepid hero a mild-mannered insurance agent who harbors a secret life...a life in which fantasy reigns. He imagines himself in another life as an erotic movie director wielding power and receiving sexual favors from the young starlets who populate the movie sets of the XXX world. Join us as we slip away from the drudgery of normal life... and enter a world of erotic desires becoming reality... only in MY SECRET LIFE." That said, here's a brief look at the scenes by cast and action, noting that no condoms were used at all:

Scene One: Dillan Lauren, a hotty brunette that was looking great, and muscular Anthony Hardwood, were up first in a machine shop setting as she glistened with sweat while slobbing his knob. She kept an eye on the camera as though taunting the audience; soon bouncing on his cock as though she were itching a scratch deep within her body. As an active rider of cock, she is always welcome in titles I review with the ending facial landing largely on her tongue. It wasn't a detailed, lengthy scene but they seemed to share some extra energy together that worked for me.

Scene Two: Kirsten Price, currently a contract performer for Wicked Pictures, and musician Barrett Blade, were up next on a cheapo porn set involving a nature theme at night. This took place after some short tease by Jelena Jensen, Victoria Sweet, Tall Goddess, and others in the insurance office with Kirsten inhaling his rod as though trying to suck his balls through his cock. The oral was top notch but she proved to be a passive lay, letting him do all the work as he hit it from several angles. I can't deny that they had some chemistry together but it struck me as odd that she'd act so reserved in a scene with the guy she's currently with in real life. It ended with a decent facial for those who care.

Scene Three: Justine Joli, the redheaded vixen and poster child for Alt Porn, was up in a phone sex scenario next as she masturbated in a large bed with her fingers. Her lean, lithe body provided lots of inspiration but the scene was far too short to truly appreciate fully.

Scene Four: April Blossom, playing a cute coed with a plaid skirt and white crop top, was up next with suited Jack Venice uncomfortably playing her teacher. She wanted to graduate and would do anything to get a better grade, leading into one of the established porn convention scenarios of the last 30+ years. (High School Memories anyone?). In terms of her oral skills, I'd have given her a B- but she wasn't content with that grade so she ended up giving him a tasty treat in the form of her cookie on the desk, soon impaling herself actively on his cock in a few positions. In reverse cowgirl, she was definitely going for the A as her natural titties flailed about but even in doggy she managed to push back on his cock pretty nicely and the ending pop shot sealed the deal that the scene was a stroke worthy piece of work.

Scene Five: Bella Starr, Brittney Skye, Crissy Moran, Justine Joli, Vivian West, and Tricia Oaks, were up next in a techno music driven lesbian orgy that had the ladies in a large room with a bubble machine pumping out lots of suds for the ladies to play in. I like orgies, especially lesbian orgies, and I thought this was a fun way to handle it as the ladies stripped off their minimal clothing to paw and play with one another in a visual treat. I'll admit that the music wasn't all that special for me (I'd have added a non-music version) but it was a lot of fun and when I found out that the second disc had an extended bit of footage from the scene (as well as interviews with the ladies), I was stoked! There were no toys and they didn't lick much but it had oodles of fun factor going for it. Yum!

Scene Six: Sophia, a curvy hotty with the prettiest of eyes, was up last with the legend himself, Ron Jeremy, in the office setting. He was firing her and she wanted to keep her job, another porn standard, so she started taking off her clothing to change his mind. She had me at the ass but he was playing tough so she spread her legs for him to eat and then started ramming his cock inside of it. She cleaned it off orally, and the two screwed in a few positions with her being moderately active (she didn't kick back and watch the clock but the choice of positions kept her from truly engaging him all the way). The scene then ended in a pop shot to the abdomen.

Summary: My Secret Life might not be the huge success of director DCypher's better known hits but it was fun to watch as adult entertainment as much as a porno/stroke flick. The comedy of the situations was as good as many mainstream sitcoms and bringing in a mainstream actor to handle the majority of acting bits was a great idea that I wish other companies would explore more often. The ladies were all hot and while I wish Shauna had a bigger role (what a delicious ass she showed in her ending cameo), I found the collection of substantial extras, technical values, and heated pairings to be worth a rating of Recommended. In short, My Secret Life was a cute flick in the vein of some of the much larger budget Wicked Pictures releases of late, handled with a nod to the writing far more than most porn seems able to do these days (you'll find huge budget features with far worse acting all over the place).

You can email me with questions at Houstondon @ hotmail.com if you have any constructive criticism of the review too. :) Also you can follow me on twitter @HoustonDon

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