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Adventures of Squirt Girl, The

Studio: Sinsation Pictures » Review by Don Houston » Review Date: 11/28/06

XCritic's Advice: Skip It

The Adventures of Squirt Girl 1: The Vengeance of Captain Cum

Sinsation Pictures

Genre: Feature

Director: Dee

Cast: Cytherea, Lexi Love, Billy Glide, Kat, Jenner, Alex Sanders, Sierra Sinn, Evan Stone, Gia Givanna, Keeani Lei

Length: 111.5 minutes

Date of Production: 5/27/2006 & 5/28/2006

Extra's: The best extras would be two solo scenes added in from the Sinsation Solo series (#1 and #3); one for Keeani Lei (though called Kayani) lasting 6.5 minutes and the other with Kat lasting a robust 8.5 minutes. While neither gal is in my top performers list of the moment, both seemed to have a good time and their fans will be pleased to know they weren't just throw away last minute gals for the movie. The down side was that both looked like really fuzzy, third generation VHS copies. The next best extra would be the extremely lengthy Behind the Scenes feature lasting 29.5 minutes by Cary Radcliff. It had interviews (like Kat discussing her work in The Great American Squirt Off), extra nudity and sex, and some photogallery work. I really liked how it was handled and fans of the cast will probably appreciate this one better than many from larger companies on the market. There were also some trailers to movies like 20 Year Old Virgin, a true double sided DVD cover, a photogallery, and a cardboard slipcase for the DVD case.

Condoms: Yes

-- sponsored by --

Audio/Video Quality: The Adventures of Squirt Girl was presented in a fair 1.85:1 ratio anamorphic widescreen color as shot by director Dee for Sinsation Pictures. I haven't seen any of their previous work together but the cast list alone looked good enough for me to pick this one up. The lighting was almost decent, slightly reducing some of the grain and video noise. The flesh tones looked accurate and the composition of the shots was often favorable to the ladies. The editing was a bit of a drag at times, seeming choppy and too compartmentalized but this was the least of the issues I had with the movie. There was some pattern noise and edge enhancement too, though few compression artifacts to disturb the picture. The audio was presented in 2.0 Dolby Digital English with some loops used and generally hollow vocals with the generic score adding the porn feel to the production. If you like 1970's porn music mixed with elevator music, you'll be happy.

Body of Review: Dee now directs for Sinsation Pictures and while her first titles have left me somewhat limp, I attribute much of this to whoever paired up the cast and tried to lowball their way into making a movie. The latest title from the company is The Adventures of Squirt Girl 1: The Vengeance of Captain Cum, a comic book themed porno that looked just ridiculous enough to provide some laughs along with strokable material. Comic book porn is nothing new in porn, going back to the 1970's and earlier, though a definite sense of humor is needed to pull it off (think: Jonathan Morgan). In this case, Alex Sanders and Jenner play bored cartoonists who invent a new concept when they fall prey to the boredom of drawing Super Duck which nearly drove them insane. As Alex pitches the concept to his partner, the camera cuts away to one of two ultra cheapo sets where the cast had sex. The down side to any movie relying on a gimmick though is that you need to be a believer to appreciate it and this was built on two such concepts (squirting and comedy). Is porn really ready for dirt cheap comedy mixed with squirting? In the case of this one, I think the idea was okay but a bit advanced for the fledgling director to pull off. Here's a look at the scenes if you're still interested, noting that some condom use was noted:

Scene One: Cytherea, the gal on the lower right hand corner of the front cover is known for her watery orgasms more than her acting (especially after this one), hotty Lexi Love, and muscular Billy Glide, were up first in bed after Lexi said the magic words to summon "Squirt Girl" three times. Cytherea went down on Lexi while Billy ate her out. The gals then teamed up to suck off Billy and took turns riding him vaginally. So far, so good as they say; but then the waterworks started and after a minor league squirt, he popped off on their awaiting faces. The scene showed no chemistry between the trio, plodded on mechanically, and the energy levels wouldn't power my solar garden light.

Scene Two: Kat, a tiny Asian gal in braces, was up next in the foyer on a small black leather couch, with Cytherea (still in her black leather pants) introduces her to Jenner and Alex Sanders, in the belief that they can help teach her to squirt. The story aspect sort of fell through here but the scene was more of a standardized clip of action than the previous one and whatever faults it may have had, the trio seemed to have some fun. They warmed her up and she blew them, leading to the anal action needed to activate her squirting gland (yeah, right). She did ATM as Jenner tapped her pussy, moving to a condom clad DP (Alex wore it), more anal and some squirting before the facials.

Scene Three: Sierra Sinn, wearing a black bra, neon pink fishnets, and a micromini skirt, was up next as an assistant to the heroine with evil super villain "Captain Cum" (hilariously overplayed by the mighty Evan Stone with his goofy costume from the cover on him) as her captor. The same room was used with a different couch and the usual sex took place. He ate her, they boned fairly actively in vaginal and anal positions, and she eventually let loose the juice all over him. She's too lean for me but at least she looked sober and to be having fun, the first gal of the cast I could make that claim about. She took the facial well after lots of taste testing, the comic book melodrama maintained as it cut away to the two artists.

Scene Four: Gia Givanna, a curvy brunette with an ample sample of an ass, was up next as she had a lesbian scene with Asian Keeani Lei in a bed that could have easily been the couch as a fold out bed in the same little nook of a setting as most of the scenes. They ate each other, fingered one another, and used a large vibrator as well as a flesh colored strap on dildo and other toys. There was some minor choking and all around fake porn sex between them, with just enough fluids coming out to make believers happy.

Scene Five: Cytherea, in her usual outfit, took on costumed Evan Stone, on what could possibly be the cheesiest set I've ever seen in porn. They took off their clothes to challenge one another, resulting in music I would expect to hear in a low rent elevator (at least the previous music fit the 1970's porn motif) playing in the background as he went down on her. That led to an active ride and her sucking his dick dry passively, fingering herself to a watery orgasm as he gave her a Got Milk mustache.

Summary: The Adventures of Squirt Girl by director Dee for Sinsation Pictures really didn't do a lot for me on either the comedy aspect or the porn factor. The acting was expected to be really bad, and I wasn't disappointed in that sense, but the sex was also weak too. It's my contention that you can get away with providing a lame story and bad acting if the sex is great or you can have weaker, couples sex if the plot works but The Adventures of Squirt Girl 1: The Vengeance of Captain Cum had neither going for it and as much as I've long adored Dee, I'm sure she's capable of far better than this one. If you're a huge fan of the cast, disregard my rating of Skip It but you can find a lot of better titles they grace, most with more fuck for the buck value.

You can email me with questions at Houstondon @ hotmail.com if you have any constructive criticism of the review too. :) Also you can follow me on twitter @HoustonDon

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