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Dana DeArmond Does The Internet

Studio: Vivid » Review by The Mooninite » Review Date: 1/24/07

XCritic's Advice: Highly Recommended

The Movie:

Before we get to the actual sex we see Dana in a more relaxed environment, goofing off in front of the camera and basically making small talk for the sake of the audience. This gives us a chance to get a take on her personality as she tells us about the car that she just bought and other things like that. We see her go pick up her mail and deal with the day-to-day crap that each of us has to go through while a nifty electronic soundtrack plays behind it all and then we see her go to the zoo with a friend. It's all a little silly, but it sets up what's to come nicely. Keeping in mind that much of Dana's appeal comes as much from her openness and her quirky blog entries on her Myspace page than anything else and this all makes sense and it's all there for a reason.

From there she talks about how the internet allows you to 'slut around with strangers' and we segue into an interview session where she talks about how she's shy and socially inept. After we get to know her and learn about her various facets and her theories on meeting people online, we get to the meat of the feature, which plays out as follows:

Scene One - Dana And Icarus Corpse When this scene starts, Dana is laying with her legs spread wide open on the couch while her new friend goes down on her. She wiggles and grunts and squeals as she gets more and more into it, and then she rubs her clit while he fingers her. There's some trash talking, and then his pants come off so that she can suck his wang for a bit. She spits on his prick and uses her hand and mouth on him, and then he titty fucks her for a bit. From there they move into a sixty-nine on the couch then she lies on her belly with her feet up in the air so that he can jack off all over her feet. This was an interesting scene in that there's no actual penetration here, just oral and fingering. It's not something that you see all that often outside of specialty/fetish videos, but it works here, particularly when you take into account how Dana sets up the scene with her monologue.

Between the first and the second sex scene there is a bit where Dana and Mini have phone sex, or at least he does while he's talking to her. It's not really a full fledged sex scene per se, but it sort of counts.

Scene Two - Reagan Maddux And Julius Ceazher: This scene starts off with Reagan sucking Julius Ceazher's cock. She goes down on him for quite some time until he's had all he can take at which point he pulls out and comes on her perky medium sized tits. If you're into oral, this one is a keeper. Donna looks sexy as hell and is definitely into what she's doing here.

Scene Three - Dana, Reagan Maddux And Julius Ceazher: From there we cut to a different moment where we see Reagan and Dana approach Julius on the couch. They take his cock out and take turns sucking it together. Dana sucks him solo while she fingers Reagan, then Reagan takes Julius' cock doggy style while she eats Dana's pussy. The girls suck him off again then Dana takes him doggy style while she fingers Reagan again. Reagan and Dana sixty-nine while Julius pumps away at Dana's snatch, then the girls lie on top of one another so that he can go from one pussy to the next (or Dana's mouth) with as little effort as possible. After that the girls get down on all fours in front of him and grope each other while he jerks off onto their asses - lucky bastard. This was a solid three-way. The girls were having fun with their male co-star and with one another, which makes a big difference. Everyone seems into everyone else and it just works.

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Scene Four - Dana, Lorelei Lee And Daniel: The two girls come up to Daniel (who we last saw in Girls Lie) and Lorelei (who sports some killer arm tattoos) starts to suck his cock while Dana pinches his nipples. Lorelei bends over the couch and Daniel eats her out and fingers her puss-puss while Dana puts her fingers in her mouth. Lorelei and Daniel sixty-nine while Dana masturbates then Daniel sticks a butt plug up Lorelei's ass. He pulls the plug out and fucks her in the ass with his cock, and Dana spits on her ass as it's being fucked. Lorelei gapes and Dana gobs into it, then Daniel fucks her asshole some more while Dana climbs underneath her and rubs her clit. Daniel pulls out so Lorelei can suck his dick again, then he blows his load into her mouth and the two girls swap it back and forth a bit. This is another solid three-way scene with the girls enjoying one another as well as their male co-star. Lorelei, who was new to this reviewer, takes it like a champ and looks great while she does it. Let's see more of this gal.

Scene Five - Dana And Daniel: He forces his way into her apartment and after some back and forth, throws her down on the couch and starts eating her out. He pulls his prick out and starts to fuck her pussy missionary style. He pulls out of her and she sucks his cock, then he throws it back into her again. He gets her on all fours and fucks her doggy style, she blows him, and then she rides him reverse cowgirl style on the couch. After that, she jerks him off and he comes on her tits. This scene is a little shorter than the others but it's decent. There's a sort of 'forced entry' thing going on here that Dana plays up and it gives the scene some kink that it wouldn't have had otherwise.

Scene Six - Dana And Princess Donna: This scene starts with Donna, a gorgeous brunette, slapping Dana on the ass. She lifts up her skirt and fingers her pussy and forces her not to move. She fingers her faster and spits on her, and then she makes her put her ass up in the air. She makes Dana lick her fingers, and then spanks her pussy. She roles Dana over and spreads her legs as wide as they'll go, then fingers her and slaps her face and spits into her mouth. They suck each other's feet for a bit and Donna rubs her heel into Dana's chin/neck before going back to work on her pussy. After that Dana fingers and licks Donna's pussy, working her to a climax. After that Donna fingers Dana really aggressively and spits on her pussy repeatedly while nibbling her clit. Dana sucks on Donna tits then gets on all fours so Donna can spread her ass open and spit into it before putting a couple of fingers way down in there. She works most of her fist into Dana's ass and spits and slobbers all over her while Dana works her pussy and then Dana sits on her face while she masturbates. Donna goes back to work on Dana's ass then gets down on all fours so Dana can ram her from behind while pulling her hair. Not being a big fan of spit, this scene shouldn't have worked but these two girls were so into one another that it didn't' matter. HOT STUFF!

In between sex scenes we learn more about Dana. She talks about how she's straight edge and how she's into Brit-pop and hardcore (all of these qualities make her even hotter) and how she tries to take her critics in stride. Interestingly enough, she talks about how people recognize her from the Internet but in real life don't say hello, even though they'll write her emails. Odd. I'd say hi and I'm a happily married man with no ulterior motive whatsoever - these people are douche bags. At any rate, this lengthy feature movie serves as both great porno and an interesting little glimpse into the life of on of the industry's most interesting up and coming starlets. Dana's cute and sexy, smart and funny, and she's got great taste in music. She's the girl next door with a bit more bite and a whole lot more libido and wouldn't it'd probably be just as much fun to eat ice cream with her in a snack bar as it would be to eat ice crème off of her truly impressive ass. Well, maybe not quite as much fun, but at least reasonably close.



This shot on video production looks pretty clean presented here in a reasonably stable 1.33.1 fullframe presentation. There is some mild edge enhancement in a couple of spots and a noticeable bit of mpeg compression evident in some of the darker colors and the blacks but other than that, there's not a lot to complain about at all. Skin tones look nice and natural (credit to whoever did the lighting), the compositions are dead on and look great in the 4x3 presentation, and aside from the fact that this digital video production looks like a digital video production (and as such suffers from the minor defects usually associated with the format), everything is fine on this end.


The Dolby Digital 2.0 Surround track is quite sufficient. The dialogue comes through cleanly and clearly, as do all of the moans and groans. The guitar driven soundtrack is mixed in properly at a decent level to make sure that we can hear both the music as well as the performers as the same time. Bass response is nice and lively and overall, for a porno movie, this is a way, way better than average effort and it actually sounds really good.


Disc One is devoid of any extra features save for a scene selection and some nice, simple animated menus set to music. The second DVD is where the real supplements are hidden and things start off with an extensive look behind the scene courtesy of a lengthy ten-part documentary. Mini starts things off, talking about how he met Dana and why he liked working with her. From there we talk to Maddux and Julius about their work together and see some decent behind the scenes footage from that scene. There's some footage here of Dana driving around in her car that was probably shot for the feature but not used, as well as some bits and pieces from their visit to the zoo. There's some sily goofing around with Dana and Reagan and Julius and some bits and pieces from the scene with Dana and Daniel and Lorelei (where for some reason the sound is really low). The best part is the truly freaky bit where a chubby Englishman opens a fridge (where the camera is) and sings a song about Dana - odd, but compelling. It's not a bad documentary, though some narrative context would have been cool as it does skip around a fair bit. Regardless, it's Dana doing her thing which means it is equal parts charming, sexy and fun.

Also included on this disc are trailers for the feature and the three other Vivid Alt titles released thus far in the labels short career - Rebelle Rousers, Girls Lie and Skater Girl Fever - all of which come highly recommended. Collect them all and trade them with your friends.

But wait! That's not all! Act now and you'll get the complete soundtrack to the feature on one handy compact disc. Tracks include:

The Nintendudes: The Shield
Driver Of The Year: On This Stage
Hudson Criminal: Well Tempered
The Nintendudes: Rushhh 1
Grand Steam: Safe In The Middle
The Nintendudes: Fresh Like That
Snowman Plan: Rusted Sub
The Nintendudes: Inertia Drift
Snowman Plan: The Jealous Fog
Deadbeat: Untitled
The Nintendudes: Lunch Time
The Nintendudes: The Wizards Grave

Unfortunately the discs were all lose in the fancy packaging (it looks cool but it's shit when it comes to holding the discs in place -sorry!) when the review copy of this disc arrived and while replacement discs for the feature and the extras arrived, they didn't for the CD so it's impossible to evaluate it. It can be said, however, that the music from the movie is pretty nifty and having it on a CD would be keen.

Final Thoughts:

Dana DeArmond Does The Internet continues Vivid Alt's trend of releasing porn that is both interesting and sexy. It features some sexy starlets engaged in some deliciously deviant behavior but it's also really well shot and done with a great sense of humor. The soundtrack is fun and Dana carries the movie with ease and no shortage of completely endearing appeal. Highly recommended.

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