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Elastic Assholes #5

Studio: Jules Jordan Video » Review by Don Houston » Review Date: 2/13/07

XCritic's Advice: Watch It Online

Elastic Assholes 5: Special Edition

Jules Jordan Video/Mike John Productions

Genre: Gonzo

Director: Mike John

Cast: Keeani Lei, Steve Holmes, Mia Bangg, Erik Everhard, Chelsie Rae, Annette Schwartz, Claudia, Robert Rosenberg, Natalie/Natalia Light, Tera Joy

Length: 229.5 minutes

Date of Production: 12/12/2006

Extra's: The best extra was easily the 32 minute Behind the Scenes feature that combined bits from the scenes as well as background material including a lot of nudity and tease. The funny habits the performers engage in on set was displayed too but it had some stroke value as well as entertainment value (occasionally better than the admittedly mixed action on the movie itself). There was a cumshot recap, a lengthy photogallery, and a double sided DVD cover too but not much was worth extra points outside of the BTS.

Condoms: None

Audio/Video Quality: Elastic Assholes 5: Special Edition was presented in a combination of the usual 1.33:1 ratio full frame and a letterboxed 1.85:1 widescreen color as shot by director Mike John for distribution by Jules Jordan Video. The fleshtones were accurate, the lighting well done, and the grain was minimal this time, probably as much due to Mike's abilities as those of his production assistant here, Tim Von Swine. The lack of added detail an anamorphic mastering would have given it could have enhanced the scenes more than a little bit, but the compositional work always seemed to enhance the look of the ladies a lot so I won't fuss at the poor decision to stick with the outdated method of shooting the scene. The audio was presented in 2.0 Dolby Digital English with no separation and relatively minimal dynamic range but the vocals were dominant throughout and clearly discernable too.

Body of Review: Mike John is widely regarded as one of the best POV shooters in porn as well as a solid gonzo director most of the time. He tries new things and often succeeds based on his attempts, especially now that he's distributed by Jules Jordan Video. Unfortunately, not all of his titles are equally great with his latest, Elastic Assholes 5: Special Edition being a case in point. Unlike the well received, Elastic Assholes 4, the ladies were far too passive this time and while the mixture of gals looked good in terms of casting proficiency, I've seen most of them do a lot better job in the past. The idea here was to showcase a lot of anal sex with cum swallowing at the end of the scenes, a worthy goal given the way fans seem to love this type of thing. The down side of the scenes was that even though the technical matters were competently shot, there was precious little spark in most of them. If you're still interested, here's a brief look at the scenes by cast and action, noting that condoms were not a factor:

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Scene One: Keeani Lei, the Asian gal in the blue bikini undies seen on the middle left hand side of the front cover, was up first as she teased by the pond outside. The camera work was intimate, looking at her from various angles including from close to the ground (looking up). She spread her ass cheeks, fingered herself, and otherwise showed she was willing to do whatever it took to make her partner happy before she went inside to the couch to find gentleman Steve Holmes ready to warm her up. He kissed her and rubbed her cookie, her fake moans overdone as usual. She did seem to enjoy the cunnilingus and fingering better, reciprocating with a decent hummer as she continually rubbed herself. Steve fucked her pussy and ass in a modified spooning position, with her acting extremely passive as a result, at least until about 27 minutes into the movie where she began to ride him back in her ass. While I'm not one of her biggest fans, she has done a lot better elsewhere and even the limited dirty talk didn't help much. This dynamic continued until he rubbed out a load of population pudding into her mouth and around her face at about the 40 minute mark; Keeani providing some post coital sucking to finish it up. Blah!

Scene Two: Mia Bangg, the curvy brunette bent over on the lower right hand corner of the front cover, was up next in her black and white bikini on the couch as she masturbated for the camera. She seemed to be getting excited but keeping it under control (meaning she wasn't too excited if you catch my drift), gyrating and showing why she has received so much acclaim in recent months. Her smile finally broke when Mike complimented her, adding to her sexual appeal substantially, with her thong riding into her ass and pussy crack very nicely. She walked around the house a bit to continue the tease, ending up on a bed in a moderately lit room where the oral antics began in earnest. Erik Everhard was there to get a great blowjob while Steve Holmes ate and massaged her clitoris to a juicy state, Erik moving to boning her as the alpha male while she blew Steve in return. The rest of the scene provided a similar dynamic as the trio seemed to go at one another with a lot of chemistry, Mia showing a preference for Erik but Steve trying that much harder as a result. Mia's ass was not safe from the men either as they hammered it endlessly once started up; with the gal looking like it really worked for her too as they banged away at it. The movie was nearly an hour old when they began giving her a DP, a surprisingly lengthy time considering how much of an extreme queen she can be, with Mia taste testing on a regular basis (PTM and ATM). In ended when she jerked the men off into her mouth and swallowed their loads, a much better scene (and more like the work Mike tends to provide) to appreciate.

Scene Three: Chelsie Rae, the cute blonde on the lower left hand corner of the front cover, was up next as she lounged outside by the pool in her shiny pink bikini. She was doing a fine job masturbating and that attracted the attention of Steve Holmes; the guy stretching her asshole with an anal plug to show how elastic it could be. They went inside to do some oral on each other, effectively warming each other up as her body readied itself for his cock. He began boning her pussy in a spoon/missionary position, the gal passively lying back as he did all of the work. The anal took place after that and seemed about the same style; him doing all the work as she made groaning noises and did little else. Frankly, I was starting to get pissed off that so much of the movie had passive gals in it by this point (especially gals that I've seen numerous times aggressively bouncing on cocks like they were getting off). There was a lot more anal like this, including some taste testing, ending in a mouth pop as he held her head and she swallowed. Yawn!

Scene Four: Annette Schwartz, the German anal queen seen on the upper right hand corner of the front cover, was up next by the pool as she masturbated with a glass dildo and sucked it clean. Her perfect pucker has been getting a lot of wear and tear lately but she has such a passionate dynamic to her performances that I can always rely on her for strokable material. The tease was pretty decent and she walked inside to find studly Erik Everhard and Steve Holmes waiting for her in the bedroom, her blowing one while the other used the toy on her ass. The toy was replaced by a cock and the scene started to show some potential as her aggressive side came out to play. There was a lot more action like that with her before she was allowed to truly impale her pussy in a manner that I've grown accustomed to seeing from her, with the anal action just as good once she warmed up. The DP footage (and there was a lot of it here) was weaker than average since she couldn't really do a lot as they controlled her body but fans will love the massive anal gape that she sported afterwards (probably a lot more than I did). The inflatable butt plug tricks were minimal and she swallowed both loads but as good as she was, it wasn't that big a deal for her; with so many better scenes on the market these days of the lady in action.

Scene Five: Claudia, a gal wearing red lingerie that was such an attractive lady in Mike's opinion that she didn't rate the front cover at all, was up next on a couch. She was silent as she showed off her crvy body, doing an okay job of it but suffering from some sort of communication barrier by the sound of it. The scene was the first one of the second disc and I have to admit that I thought she was at least as attractive as the gals from the first disc, if not better looking. Robert Rosenberg, Erik Everhard and Steve Holmes were the lucky trio getting to sample her goods which began with a hummer, moving into anal play soon afterwards. She was a better oralist than most as she showed some measure of practiced skill, especially at sucking all three of them off in a mini-blowbang. Her hands would jerk two of them off as she slobbed the knob of the other, rubbing the cocks together in a fashion that might make some of you happier than others. Personally, I prefer cocks to show a safety zone and not tough, unlike a handful of guys out there like Art (in the forums) that simply can't get enough of it. They banged her pussy and ass, eventually making her air tight as all three cocks found an orifice to appreciate, but as good as she looked; the motion in her ocean was limited from the very beginning. It ended when she took all three loads in her mouth to swallow but I can't say that she lived up to her potential.

Scene Six: Natalie/Natalia Light, a gorgeous blonde (as seen on the upper middle of the front cover) that strongly reminded me of Virginia Madsen when she was fresh and young back in the 80's; with beautiful blue eyes and a fine body that displayed a girlish charm reminiscent of lovely Jana Cova over at Digital Playground. Her solo work was pretty hot but I was coming to the conclusion that Mike was going out of his way to showcase the gals as passively as possible, a dynamic I simply don't care for so your mileage may vary. Her partners for the scene were Erik Everhard, Robert Rosenberg, and Steve Holmes, following the formula from the previous scenes with a mini-blowbang before the men took turns screwing her. She showed at least a modicum of active riding skills but as fine as her curvy body was, she also seemed held back in large part, even when the men made her "air tight" as the saying goes (a cock in each hole). Even Erik seemed to be holding back, as in most scenes of the movie his not being allowed to go into his trance-like state to uncontrollably pound away like a madman. Towards the end of the scene she did get better but as perfect as her ass was, it was a little too little, a little too late. She did deftly milk them dry into her mouth at the end but I'd like to see her live up to her potential with another situation.

Scene Seven: Tera Joy, an all natural brunette that also didn't get a spot on the front cover, was up last as she followed Mike's commands to tease. This lowered the spontaneity a lot and she really didn't have a lot of appeal to me (especially given how worn her cookie looked) but I've seen her in real life and she looked far better so maybe she had an off day. In any case, she mechanically went through the tease until she was joined by studmeisters Robert Rosenberg and Erik Everhard; each of them providing her some dick to appreciate on the couch. Her strength was in oral as she attacked them to get every last drop as if channeling Erik's inner demon, but she wasn't bad at riding either even if not the best I've seen of late. The vaginal, anal, DP and taste testing were all within the usual parameters, though the way she grimaced during some of the action made me wince (though those of you that hate women might find it a special treat in a way that only misogynists can appreciate). The rest of the scene continued through the same idea, providing some minor stroke value but nothing like I've seen come from Mike in the past. She choked down their loads and ended the movie, a weaker effort in my opinion by a wide margin from the Jules Jordan camp.

Summary: Elastic Assholes 5: Special Edition by director Mike John for distribution by Jules Jordan Video was one of the surprisingly weaker efforts by the director in recent years in my opinion. Most of the time, the cast were just going through the motions and even though there was a lot of fuck for the buck, it was decidedly too passive with the men having to do all the work. Whatever the instructions or reasoning were for this sudden change of pace, I was less than enthusiastic about rating this one at all so consider my suggestion of Rent It to be on the generous side. In short, so many little things weakened Elastic Assholes 5: Special Edition that it could have been shot by dozens of other directors in the industry, the lack of energy, chemistry, and passion being the worst aspects of the show.

You can email me with questions at Houstondon @ hotmail.com if you have any constructive criticism of the review too. :) Also you can follow me on twitter @HoustonDon

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