Genre: Straight Feature Director: Caesar Bonobo Cast::Mya Luanna, April Blossom, Jasmine Byrne, Dee, Jill Kelly (Non Sex Role), Evan Stone, Tommy Gunn, Derrick Pierce, Steven St. Croix Length: 101 mins Production Date: 2006
Audio/Visual: In a Nutshell - Nothing Really Spectacular or Special
It's Hustler, it's a standard industry feature, all of which means it's nothing to write home about, either stylistically or visually. Director Bonobo does apply a widescreen feel to his framing, and the DVD delivers a decent 1.78:1 anamorphic image. But the colors are occasionally muted and the contrasts are not as crisp as one would like. Still, the exterior scenes are nice and bright, and Bonobo's basic filmmaking approach gives both the average action and silly satire room to breath.
Extras: In a Nutshell - Behind the Scenes...and That's About It
Don't get the wrong idea from that synopsis tag. Hustler does it's best to flesh out this pornographic package with all manner of advertising bells and whistles. If you like phone sex ads (including one that plays at the beginning of the DVD that CANNOT be skipped over), commercials for Hustler's stores, more hype for other company titles (otherwise known as trailers) and the standard photo galleries, you'll be in added content Heaven. But for anyone wanting a little more meat for their XXX moolah, the Making-Of featurette is the only solid extra – and even that's a little lame. It's fun to see the actors attempting to master swordplay and dialogue, and special guest Jill Kelly is engaging, but the rest of the backstage showcase is more of the same off the cuff cutting up.
Parody has been part of porn since producers realized that fans really dig the hardcore humor of turning a mainstream movie into something nude and nasty. Now and then, these lusty lampoons are quite successful – The Da Vinci Load being a decent example. In other instances – say, the Sex City series and the Porn Wars films – the spoof is lost amid aimless, disconnected examples of suck and fuck. In essence, a burlesque of a well known box office hit has two benchmarks to meet in the realm of the randy: First, it has to pay particular homage to the movie being caricaturized, less fans forget what the joke is about and; Second, it better be hot as Hell. Otherwise, it's just a lame excuse for the standard smut shuck and jive. Sadly, this film falls somewhere smack dab in the middle of both dynamics. The humor is hokey and occasionally half-baked. As for the hardcore, it's decent if somewhat derivative of the entire non-gonzo ideal of straight sex films.
The Sex Scenes:
-- sponsored by --
Since she's the star, Mya Luanna gets three out of the five scenes here, so you better like your pert, petite Asian honeys or you'll find Kill Jill completely devoid of voluptuousness. As a matter of fact, the rest of the cast – Jasmine Byrne, Dee – have a similar smoldering ethnicity to their look. Only April Blossoms, who does the dirty with that slovenly surfer stud Evan Stone, is absent an exotic allure. This doesn't mean our Eastern babes are bland here – far be it, they provide most of the meaningful XXX action. But if you're someone looking for more diversity in your diddling, there is only one kind of carnality here. As for the sex itself, Mr. Bonobo loves the close-up, especially in scenes where penis is looking for pussy/pooper and a little erotic entry. He also tends to avoid long shots, compositions that would allow us to witness the chemistry between the performers. Since passion is important to non-aggressive conventional smut, the lack of such smolder is fairly obvious.
Scene 1:Mya Luanna, Tommy Gunn Acts Performed:Blowjob, Face Sitting, Reverse Cowgirl, Spooning, $hot on Tits Score:2.5 out of 5
With a brief running time (just a little over an hour and a half) and lots of plot to get through, the sex scenes seem a little short changed throughout Kill Jill. This one in particular feels rushed, especially when you see how well Mya and Tommy connect on a carnal level. You can really feel the heat between the two. Too bad then that the narrative gets in the way. Before we know it, our meat man has pumped pud pudding all over Ms. Luanna, and Evan Stone (as a martial arts master) is setting up the remainder of the movie. At least April Blossoms is on hand to deliver a little meaningful masturbation in the background. She gets good and DiVinyled before Evan walks her over to the second set. .
Scene 2: April Blossoms, Evan Stone Acts Performed:Blowjob, Dick Slapping, Cowgirl, Pile Driver, Doggy, Reverse Cowgirl, Spooning, Mish, $hot on Tits Score:2.5 out of 5
Again, more positions, more heated action, all undercut by a directorial desire to get onto the next point. Evan and April do make the most of this pairing, especially our lead actress's desire to lunch on Mr. Stone's massive member like it was a baby gherkin. She deep throats (or, at least attempts to do so) his oversized shaft, eyes watering in wanton desire. Once our hero puts cock to cunt, it's tantric tenderizing time. He pounds poor April like chop steak, and we get lots of shots of bodies in robotic ramrodding. Perhaps not the best scene in the entire set, this otherwise arousing sequence helps make Kill Jill more than story and stunts.
Scene 3:Mya Luanna, Dee Acts Performed: Standard Same Sex Stuff included Foreplay, Fingering, Cunnilingus and Salad Tossing, Glass Dildo Action, V to M, 69 with Toys Score:1.5 out of 5
If Ms. Luanna would like some advice from the old Dirge, she needs to steer clear of all same sex sequences in the future. She doesn't look like she enjoys it, and the lack of interpersonal connectivity is really obvious here. Besides, Bonobo takes so long in getting to the actual Sapphic snacking that we start to loose interest. The dialogue that precedes the porno is really lame, and does very little for the so-called spoofing. Indeed, it acts like a placeholder until we can get to more gratuity. Still, the toy is a nice touch, and once object meets orifice, things get a little more interesting. But don't expect the height of lesbian sizzle. This is one lame look at lady on lady loving.
Scene 4:Jasmine Byrne, Derrick Pierce Acts Performed:Foreplay, Cunnilingus, Blowjob, Reverse Cowgirl, Doggy, Standing Doggy, V to M, Anal Doggy, A to M, Anal Cowgirl, $hot on Tits and Mouth Score:3 out of 5
It's always interesting to watch a scene where one performer completely dominates the other – especially when the overriding personality belongs to a female. Jasmine Byrne literally lights up the screen with her scorching sequence alongside manageable member marionette Derrick Pierce. She is all over the man like stink on shit and never once lets up in the Eros arena. Even with a big fat dick in her ass, she sells the passion so well we feel almost embarrassed to witness their canoodling. Mr. Pierce has some mad body art, and his tats can be a little distracting at times, but when you've got a gal as gorgeously gonzo as Jasmine, one shouldn't be studying the tribal symbols running across an actor's arm, right?.
Scene 5:Mya Luanna, Steven St. Croix Acts Performed:Cunnilingus, Foot Job, Mish, Blowjob, Cowgirl, V to M, $hot ot Vagina Score:2 out of 5
You've got to feel bad for old timer Steven St. Croix. The spirit is willing, but the flesh is incredibly curved. His dick looks like a donut – or at the very least, a croissant – curled up at what appears to be a very uncomfortable angle. Mya makes the best of a bent situation, but the novelty of such a twisted tool really plays with a fuck fan's mindset. You're trying to get into the recognizable heat between the twosome, but all you can think of is how painful each position would be. Unlike her bout of balling with Mr. Gunn, Mya is a little more passive here, which oddly enough doesn't distract from the scene. But after going through all the storyline material and underdeveloped humor, we expect something a little more explosive than this otherwise ordinary scene.
Disco Dirge Peter Meter Rating:2.5 out of 5 (Recommended) Cohabitation Certification:Granted
In both the realm of lampoon and the arena of XXX action, Kill Jill comes up a little short. You'll almost recognize some of the characters and situations occurring in this Quentin Tarantino take-off, and a healthy percentage of the porn is pretty good too. But unlike other parodies that take meticulous pains to get their deference just right, this is just hardcore accessorized with some mild narrative merriment. Easily earning a Recommended rating for what it gets right, and a Cohabitation Certification for its genial XXX action, it appears that Bonobo and Hustler might be trying to cook up a sequel to this silliness. The ending does suggest that the story will continue. Here's hoping that the next time, as much attention is paid to the satire as the sex.