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I Love Lauren

Studio: New Sensations » Review by Disco Dirge » Review Date: 3/16/07

XCritic's Advice: Recommended

Genre: Scene Compilation
Director: Various
Cast::Lauren Phoenix, A Cast of Several
Length: 210 mins
Production Date: 2003 - 2005

In a Nutshell - A Literal Hodgepodge of Styles and Transfers!
As a representation of Phoenix's work for New Sensations, this DVD contains a virtual cornucopia of cinematography and directorial styles. Most of what is here is full screen (1.33:1) while other sequences are in faux widescreen (around 1.85:1). The scene from Asspirations for example is viewed in a lavish non-anamorphic letterboxed offering full of luster and spark. On the other hand, the material from Biggz and the Beauties #7 has the flat, formless glow of gonzo. Almost everything here is from a scene compilation, which means there is limited production value and a lack of visual depth.

In a Nutshell - Nothing Significant or Substantive
When you've got nearly four hours of hardcore humping on your DVD, there's not a lot of room for added appeal. New Sensations relies on the same old industry hype galleries, cum shot recaps, and the intriguing ability to focus on your favorite sex act (all blowjobs, just reverse cowgirl, etc.) to sell this title. It's not a bad selection of bonus features, it's just not anything truly supplementary.

First Impressions:
The Dirge really digs Lauren Phoenix. There is something about her thick-legged loveliness that gets his middle-aged motor running pretty regularly. She may not be the most attractive actress in porn, and her resume doesn't contain the big breakout starring roles that tend to make performers true hardcore household names, but she's one fine fuck machine. Ms. Phoenix earns her keep on her back, and that's where her fans like her. Collecting ten scenes from her New Sensations efforts, this DVD isn't overflowing with smut excellence. Ms. Phoenix has done some fetching films for other companies, but naturally none of that action is here. Instead, we get a decent collection of carnality that showcases what this saucy sex kitten does so well - and that's SCREW! One of the reasons the Dirge is partial to Ms. Phoenix's performances is that she never looks like she's phoning them in. Totally committed to the copulation, she radiates a real enjoyment of sex, something that translates into interest and arousal for the viewer.

The Sex Scenes:
The difference between this collection of shaft cranking and a previous cock and cunt compendium from Ms. Phoenix is like night and dirty day. Instead of simply doing a couple of positions and then posing for the inevitable pop shot, what we get here is Lauren as multifaceted fornicator. There is so much action going on that it actually blurs the lines between arousing and aggravating. We'd like to experience the potency of Ms. Phoenix's performance, not how many possible permutations the director and his mandatory meat puppets can dream up. This is discouraging, especially when you consider that Lauren herself never lets up. She does everything asked of her, and then adds some zest of her own to keep the lewdness explosive. But when we can't savor the flavor she is offering, there is a disconnect from the dicking that hampers the eros. In short, what we end up with is merely slightly above average Phoenix fucking, nothing more.

Scene 1:Lauren Phoenix, Brian Sherwood, Tony T. Joachim Kessef
Film: Asspirations
Acts Performed: Blowjobs, Nutjobs, Face Fucking, Taffy Issues, Reverse Cowgirl, V to M, Scissors, Spoon, Anal Spoon, Anal Scissors, A to M, DP in the Reverse Cowgirl Mode, DP in the Cowgirl Mode, Multiple DP Action, Anal Doggy, Anal Pile Driver, $hot in Face, Swallowing.
Score: 2.5 out of 5

-- sponsored by --

A perfect example of how too many carnal cooks can spoil the ball broth occurs in the very first sequence of the set. The Dirge has never liked Tony T, his troll like appearance and overly aggressive behavior making him one of the worst male adult stars out there. He's like the lame little brother who stumbled onto the set and demands a turn or two at the twat. Thankfully, Sherwood and Kessef know what they're doing, even if Joachim has difficulty achieving full arousal (dude, it's LAUREN PHOENIX!!!). Anyway, what starts off effective grows very routine after a while.

Scene 2:Lauren Phoenix, Trent Tesoro
Film: Anal Trainer #3
Acts Performed: Toy Play, Ass Toy Fucking, Toy A to M, Spanking, Blowjob, Anal Reverse Cowgirl, A to M, Anal Doggy, Anal Mish, Anal Spoon, Gaping, Alan Pile Driver, $hot to Mouth, Oral Clean-up
Score: 3 out of 5
After the initial free for all, it's clear that Ms. Phoenix works better one on one. Here, she takes on Mr. Tesoro and his mighty man meat, going hard and raunchy in the way we've come to love and except from the actress. She gives great response throughout, and really does look good in those leg hugging hose.

Scene 3:Lauren Phoenix, Tristan Seagal
Film: ATM Machine
Acts Performed: Anal Doggy, Tit Play, A to M, Face Fucking, Deep Throating, Repeated Hair Pulling, Anal Pile Driver, Anal Cowgirl, Multiple A to Ms, Anal Reverse Cowgirl, Anal Mish, $hot in Mouth, Oral Clean-up.
Score: 2.5 out of 5
Again, we have a case where more is just too much, especially when Tristan resorts to repeating himself and his positions with Lauren over and over again. Still, the couple gets nice and sweaty, the palpable perspiration beading off Ms. Phoenix's pert little lady lumps. Like the Rolling Stones said, it's enough to make an old man...cry. To put it another way it's the best aspect of an otherwise average sequence.

Scene 4:Lauren Phoenix, Mr. Biggz
Film: Biggz and the Beauties #7
Acts Performed: Cabaret, Mish, Scissors, V to M, Doggy, Cowgirl, Reverse Cowgirl, $hot to Mouth, Oral Clean-up
Score: 2 out of 5
What? No butt fucking? Is there no God??? You'd assume that, with a dumper as divine as Ms. P's, Biggz would be busting to try a little tushy tapping. Instead, it's straight vaginal and onto the pud pudding. This gansta guy has never been one of The Dirge's favorites, and after his less than effective experience with the lovely Lauren, he's definitely fallen even further out of favor.

Scene 5:Lauren Phoenix, Missy Monroe, Ben English, Mr. Pete
Film: Double Teamed #2
Acts Performed: Spanking, Cabaret, Teasing, Salad Tossing, Blowjobs, Reverse Cowgirl, DP in the Cowgirl Mode, Face Sitting, Alternating V to M, A to M, Doggy, Pile Driver, Mish, Anal Cowgirl, Anal Reverse Cowgirl, Trading Twats, DP in the Reverse Cowgirl Mode, Shoe Fu, Toe Sucking, $hot in Mouths, Oral Clean-up, Snowballing
Score: 3 out of 5
Another group grope, amplified by the addition of an additional lady in this case, the enticing Ms. Monroe and the loss of a log toting lunkhead. Both Mr. Pete and Ben English work these gals over, applying penis to places they really seem to enjoy. Perhaps the most interesting element of the scene is the sense that the girls are actually competing with one another. In a clear case of 'anything you can suck, I can suck better', Lauren and Missy trade member like it's going out of style.

Scene 6:Lauren Phoenix, Manual Ferrara
Film: Erotica XXX #4
Acts Performed: Foreplay, Tit Play, Blowjob, Deep Throating, Ball Action, Choking, Cunnilingus, Spoon, Cowgirl, Scissors, V to M, Doggy, Hair Pulling, Reverse Cowgirl, Standing Cowgirl, Mish, Squirting, $hot to Mouth, Oral Clean-up
Score: 3 out of 5
For those who like it raw and rough, this is the sequence for you. Matched up with Mr. Ferrara, Lauren loves these overdone corporeal calisthenics, and the amount of aggressive action is almost too much to tolerate. The Dirge is not partial to acts of near-abusive defiance (like choking and hair pulling) but with someone as fierce and Ms. Phoenix, there is nary a threat of domination or personal demeaning in view.

Scene 7:Lauren Phoenix, Ana Nova
Film: Girl Crazy
Acts Performed: Girl on Girl Action, Tit Play, Cunnilingus, Fingering, Dido Play, Dildo Fucking, Dildo V to M
Score: 2 out of 5
Uh oh, it's time to start with the Sappho situations. Always a Dirge favorite. Luckily, Lauren's intense nature carries over to the lesbian love scene, and the result is something good, if not great. Indeed, the ample use of toys and other fake phallic facets really ratchets up the randiness.

Scene 8:Lauren Phoenix, Tory Lane
Film: Girl Crazy #4
Acts Performed: Girl on Girl Action, Foreplay, Tit Play, Cunnilingus, Salad Tossing, Spanking, Toy Fucking, Toy V to M, Butter Churning, Anal Toy Fucking, Toy A to M, Gaping, Spitting, Dildo Play, Anal Dildo Fucking, Toy DP
Score: 2.5 out of 5
Of the two same sex sequences included in this set, this one is definitely the better. Ms. Lane really seems to enjoy her time with Lauren, and the duo deliver in hot, horny honeydripping. Again, it's up to a plastic peter to salvage the sizzle, and both gals really seem to know the basics of ersatz shaft shifting.

Scene 9:Lauren Phoenix, Jonni Darkko
Film: In Your Mouth, On Your Face
Acts Performed: Blowjob, Deep Throating, Nutjob, POV Cam, $hot in Mouth, Oral Clean-up
Score: 1.5 out of 5
It's taffy time as Mr. Darkko (seen mostly from the dong down) has a hard time responding regularly to Lauren's willing lips. Sometimes, he's a bold, brazen brick. At other moments, he's as pliable as putty. Since this is an oral workout only, points are removed for such limited lewdness. Besides, there is so much cocksucking in the rest of the collection that to provide a solo shot seems ludicrous.

Scene 10:Lauren Phoenix, Julian
Film: Sex with Young Girls, #3
Acts Performed: Cabaret, Blowjob, Doggy, Scissors, Spoon, Reverse Cowgirl, Cowgirl, Mish, Pile Driver, $hot to Mouth, Oral Clean-up
Score: 3 out of 5
Saving some of the best for last, this guy on girl sequence is sensational. There is lots of chemistry between Lauren and Julian, and when the two get to grinding, the eros level is exceptional. What detracts from the scene is the desire to hold onto one position for what seems like hours. Lauren goes backwards range roving for so long that you wonder if her legs will eventually give out. Still, in a compendium that tends to go overboard on the excess, the amount of steamy overkill featured here is more than acceptable.

Disco Dirge Peter Meter Rating: 2.5 out of 5 (Recommended)
Cohabitation Certification: Granted
Thanks to the presence of one of the Dirge's favorite performers, and a couple of knock out scenes, this DVD will earn an easy Recommended rating. The reason for not going higher is obvious - this is a compilation, and since there was not access to some of Lauren's more memorable work (Big Wet Asses, anyone?), not everything here is the XXX cream of the crop. In general, Lauren Phoenix deserves to be a bigger star. Sure, she's a name, and known for her excellent porn star skills. But she is much more than that, able to come across as both slutty and sensual onscreen - a true rarity indeed. Here's hoping this collection is recognition of her growing celebrity status and not just a quick marketing grab for cash. Either way, it's worth a look.

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