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Naked Housewives

Studio: Vivid » Review by Don Houston » Review Date: 3/27/07

XCritic's Advice: Watch It Online

Naked Housewives

Vivid Entertainment

Genre: Vignette

Director: Chuck Lords

Cast: Kelly Klein, Tiffany Taylor, Barry Scott, Courtney Simpson, Christian, Lisa Marie, Staci Thorn, Richelle Ryan, Jack Lawrence

Length: 90.5 minutes

Date of Production: 7/29/2006

Extra's: For many of you, the best extras will be the five unrelated bonus scenes from previous outings, including a href=http://www.xcritic.com/reviews/read.php?ID=18778>Groupie with Tawny Roberts and Evan Stone; The End Game with Briana Banks and Joel Lawrence; Two Dollar Bill with Lanny Barby and Evan Stone; Lacie's Life with Lacie Heart and James Deen; and The Secretary with Janine and Inari Vachs. There were also four trailers, a text biography for the lovely Tiffany Taylor, a couple of photogalleries, a double sided cover (with ads on the second side this time), some spam; including a commercial at the beginning of the movie, and a positions room.

Condoms: None

Audio/Video Quality: Naked Housewives was presented in 1.85:1 ratio anamorphic widescreen color as shot in HD by director Paul Thomas for release by Vivid Entertainment. The lighting was generally decent in all but one of the scenes and that helped minimize the grain and video noise with the camera work showing some level of extra skill (I think industry veteran Jane Waters was working the camera much of the time). The lighting was flat and even in three of the scenes; some extra attention paid to framing the shots better than usual to help make it better than average (with some experimentation in all of them upon closely looking). The editing was well done as it helped cut down any of the rougher points to a minimum, showing that the team approach was used to make it look the best it could in most cases. The composition of the shots was decent in how it enhanced the look of the ladies, who all looked fine to begin with, adding to the visual treat of their performances but there were some choices made that didn't work all that well. The audio was presented in 2.0 Dolby Digital English with minimal separation and the usual amount of dynamic range. The vocals were always dominant and the generic music not too offensive but the ladies could have employed more dirty talk in my opinion (a standard complaint of mine that not everyone agrees with).

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Body of Review: Paul Thomas or "Chuck Lords" as he sometimes calls himself, is one of those directors that has seen just about everything porn has to offer, and documented it in various movies over the years. Working for Vivid Entertainment has given him a lot of stroke in the sense that in between larger movies, he gets to try new things and the experiments sometimes work better than others. His most recent attempt at something new was a movie called Naked Housewives, a flick that served up four scenes in 90 minutes using a modified version of the feature to tell a partial story of sexual liaisons gone awry. The cover said it like this: "What do you think your wife does all day? We'll tell you. She cleans the house. The yard. Then washes your clothes. Naked. Then she rims the pool guy and licks the cum off the gardener's ass. Men, don't leave your wife at home unsatisfied. There's nothing a desperate housewife won't do..." I liked the artistically appealing cover enough that along with seeing Tiffany Taylor as the lead, it became worth a shot for me to try out. If you're still interested, here's a quick look at the scenes by cast and action, noting that no condoms were used:

Scene One: Pool Service: Kelly Klein, an exceptionally cute gal with long hair and a sweet little body, featured hotty Tiffany Taylor as seen on the top of the front cover, and Barry Scott, were up in the first scene that began with Tiffany getting ready in the bathroom. Her pretty eyes are always welcome in a porn scene but she left to allow Kelly to service not only the pool but Barry. It started off well enough as Kelly splashed water on her striped shirt and started to squeeze her titties before removing her clothing, sending the message loud and clear that she knew exactly what she wanted from the muscular guy as he massaged his own cock. She began masturbating with her fingers and a dildo, getting wet before he walked over to give her something to suck on. Tiffany walked in on them in the backyard, going to the bedroom and calling his cell phone to get him in the house to slap his face. She was naked and began by sitting on his face, the man then banging her pussy in bed before Kelly joined them with some over the top vocals. I liked Kelly's ass better and the PTM (and PTOGM) weren't bad but I didn't feel any chemistry between the trio, making it an okay scene to watch a few times but nothing special, even with two ladies as attractive as they were. It ended with his load of population pudding going to their chests, a mediocre way to start the flick.

Scene Two: The Voyeur & The Housewife: Courtney Simpson, everyone's favorite Wildcat cheerleader, was up next as she cleaned the kitchen in her blue undies; the thong creeping up her ass rather well. She continued doing housework such as mowing the yard, her ass cheeks looking sweet as she pushed the mower along the yard (maybe this was just an attempt by Paul to get his housework done and charge it to Vivid). In any case, Christian was stalking her and they ended up naked in the pool together, kissing each other before she started slobbing his knob as well as any of his male friends could do, savoring the taste as she polished him off deeper and deeper. He avoided eating her in favor of plowing her from behind, drilling her pussy as best he could while she passively sat back to let him do so. As the scene wore on, she did some PTM and became more active at riding him but never to the best of her ability, weakening the scene for me in the process. He finished by rubbing out a load to her mouth by the pool, the gal sitting like a lump but not swallowing.

Scene Three: Payback With The Neighbor: Lisa Marie, a cute gal with a lean but curvy body and a pretty smile, was up next with hotty Tiffany Taylor as the two washed a motorcycle outside in the skimpiest of outfits. This included the usual soaping up of each other and crotch shots but also some heated oral in the outdoor scene that Tiffany really seemed to enjoy. The gals then moved to the hot tub in the back and the back yard, using some toys but diminishing the heat as the mutual masturbation action proved less satisfying. While none of the scenes showed the performers to be at their best, this was the weakest of the lot; and I like lesbian scenes!

Scene Four: Make-Up Sex: Staci Thorn, playing a seductive make up artist, was up last with Richelle Ryan, getting her ready with some changes in lingerie to make Jack Lawrence happy. The gals tried for a vibe that almost worked here, eventually pawing and kissing each other during a break in the photoshoot on the bed. They ate each other out and worked it fairly well, with Jack taking over when he caught them. I thought both gals looked better bent over on the bed but neither was as physically appealing as the other ladies in the movies to me. He snacked on their cracks and then screwed Richelle vaginally before some taste testing and anal with Staci. Staci was the more active rider of the two but it was largely a mechanical fuck in my opinion, slowly starting to get better as it progressed but not making it (perhaps more tease might have helped it). The scene ended with the mouth pop that the ladies shared, ending a filler flick with minimal long term appeal.

Bonus Scene: Groupie: Tawny Roberts, the lean little blondie on the front DVD cover, was up next with the mighty Evan Stone on a red couch. She had a different outfit on than she wore on the cover, this time sporting a black top, tiny blue jean skirt and fishnet stockings (typically called "slutware"). The point of this scene was to establish Evan (as the lead singer of the group) as the kind of down and dirty type to win the bet. To do so, he went right to tapping her fine little pussy (albeit with a condom) before she whipped off the condom for some very warm head. She's grown more talented orally since I last saw her and this aspect of the scene was fun to watch but some of you will inevitably prefer the anal that came afterwards. The music was a partner to the vocals this time and it ended with a wad to her face as Evan sent her over to Ben (for the next scene) as he watched the two go at it.

Bonus Scene: The End Game: Briana Banks, again looking like a million bucks, was up next in a bedroom tryst with Joel Lawrence. As part of the story, she got him drunk at the party and took advantage of his lustful libido in order to get some of that backdoor action she so craved but like the other scene she was in; the anal was almost anticlimactic compared to the passionate manner in which she pounced on his penis. From the spanking, the playful oral, and the verbal domination where she ordered him to fuck her, the scene showed me she was better than most of her previous work (if she could just get a decent make up job!). Both scenes with her here were probably the best I can think of in recent memory so fans should pick this one up pronto.

Bonus Scene: Two Dollar Bill: Lanny Barby, the hotty on the front DVD cover and well known Canadian beauty, was up first as she provided a private dance for the mighty Evan Stone inside a strip club's VIP room. Her teasing gyrations on the metal pool, the way she gave him those sultry looks and the generally seductive manner she employed all enhanced the preliminaries here before she orally attacked his penis with her loving mouth on the purple velour couch. That led him to snacking on her as she moaned in pleasure, eventually leading to her actively riding his shaft on top of him. If there's anything better than a beautiful gal bouncing on your cock as though it's the only thing in the world of importance, I'm unaware of it but once again Lanny showed the world that Vivid is a company changing with the times as this former gonzo gal displayed lots of passion in her scene. For those of you into anal, she was just as aggressive at taking him inside her ass though he sure couldn't last long when she did, blowing his load like nobody's business. She tried to save what could be salvaged in terms of doing a facial but it was a chemistry filled, heated scene nonetheless.

Summary: Naked Housewives by director Paul Thomas/Chuck Lords for release by Vivid Entertainment was not a bad flick if you're a huge fan of Tiffany Taylor or the others in the movie but the whole project seemed to be truncated with a lot of missing dialogue, no behind the scenes extra, and some quirky moments that led me to believe that the movie was supposed to provide a better experience. It had some stroke value, Tiffany alone gave the movie that, but Naked Housewives was too suburban a title to sell to anyone having watched much porn so your mileage may vary if you think of it as more than a Rent It.

You can email me with questions at Houstondon @ hotmail.com if you have any constructive criticism of the review too. :) Also you can follow me on twitter @HoustonDon

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