"Celebrity" Sex tape
call Ray J a "director" would be a severe
disservice to anyone who's ever picked up a
camera. Well, except maybe Uwe Boll.
Kardashian & Ray J
Video was shot in a full-frame 1.33:1 ratio and the picture was
pretty terrible. In addition, the
lighting was just as bad,
which caused a ton of grain. Shot on video.
| Audio was annoying
looped and dubbed and presented in Dolby Digital 2.0 stereo
There's not a damn thing on disc one, other than the short
itself. However, disc two of this two-disc set features five
bonus scenes - "After Midnight" featuring Monique
Alexander & Tommy Gunn, "the Houseguest" featuring
Stefani Morgan & Tommy Gunn, "Intimate Strangers"
featuring Lanny Barby & Van Damage, "Switch"
featuring Savanna Samson & Ben English and "Time For
Briana" featuring Briana Banks & Evan Stone | Trailers
for "Debbie Does Dallas", "Debbie Does Dallas",
"Burnt Fury", "Sex & Violins", "Cherry Bomb",
"Where the Boys Aren't 18", "Sex Addict", "Love
Addiction", "Flasher", "the Female Gardener",
"Cassidey's Day Off", "Blue Light Project", "the
American Dream", "Vivid Alt Trailers", "It's
Not You", "Chemistry Vol 2", "After Party",
"Kayden's First Time", "Lacie's Life" and "Savanna's
-- sponsored by --
For those who choose
not to "Play Feature", our friends at Vivid
have divided Kim Kardashian, Superstar into the
- Boobs [:28] - A 28
second look at Kim's boobs, which she confirms early
on in the flick as being real.
- Butts [:28] - Take
a guess. Yup, 28 seconds of Kim's lovely ass on
- Bangin' [17:27] -
Well, there's not much to say about this. Actually,
there is, but none of it would be positive. Instead,
- BJs [2:40] - Kim's
dicksucking skills are better than her BFF Paris', but not as
good as Karrine Steffans'.
- Pussy Eating [2:03]
- I suppose Ray might have some skills, but the
majority of the time, they're obscured by the
sheets on the bed.
Now, if you've opted to
play the feature, here's what you'll see (well, the
relevant parts, anyway):
- 2:03-4:05 -
Kim spends a quick two minutes poking Ray's dick in
her mouth. And she looked good going it.
- 5:20-7:40 -
Ray dives between her thighs to lick some clit.
Well, I think he's licking her clit since, if it
wasn't for Kim adjusting her thighs every so often,
it'd look like Ray was burying his face in the
sheets on the bed. At least we get a fairly good
shot of her cooch.
- We finally see some fucking...or maybe not. The
lighting in the hotel room is so poor, that it made
me wish Ray had borrowed Rick Solomon's videocamera
- at least we know that one has a night
Also, it seems like some of the footage is looped.
I know the audio definitely is.
- The fucking continues, this time Kim is face down
and her ass is up. Personally, this is one of my
favorite positions, but the way Ray "shoots" it
really doesn't allow for any shots of penetration
whatsoever. More possible looping.
- Inexplicably, the action switches to Kim sucking
some dick again.
- 20:22-21:37 -
After that 47 snippet of Kim sucking Ray's dick, we
once again go back to the face down, ass up
position. More looping? My deja vu is getting stronger.
- There's a 2 minute break in the action, before we
see them fucking in the same position as above. However, this
time it's from a front/side profile. In addition to
some of the worst dubbing i've ever heard in my
entire life, along with Ray's
annoying constant mugging for the camera, we're subjected to a constant
extreme close-up shot of Kim's ass as
Ray is sliding his dick inside of her.
- 32:07-36:51 -
More footage of Ray licking her pussy, before going
back to the previous footage of Ray fucking her from
behind, along with the same close-up footage of
Kim's ass as Ray is sliding in her. At this point,
i'm hoping this disc ends.
- 37:50-28:31 -
More repeat footage. At this point, i'm hoping this
disc ends. Wait, am I repeating myself now
- 38:32-39:53 - After some missionary action, Ray pops a shot in
Kim's mouth - a shot that Kim swallows. It's good to
know she doesn't let a drop go to waste.
Kardashian & Ray J | Oral (M/F),
Vaginal | Doggystyle, Missionary |
Condoms: No |
- and that's for Kim
Let's get this out of the way -
Kim Kardashian is hot. She has
the dark, exotic features that I appreciate in females that
give me wood. Not to mention, she has a shapely rump that
jiggles when Ray smacks it and a pair of knockers that she
states are real even before the action begins.
As "hot" as Kim is, there's
no way in hell this disc is worth $40 for what amounts to
close to 28 minutes of sex - and that's counting all the
looping that runs rampant through the "feature". This being
a "tape they tried to hide", the low production quality is
to be expected. Yet that, coupled with the small amount of
actual action that Vivid has to work with, nowhere near
justifies the price tag that the lovely folks at Vivid have
slapped this disc with. "But, it's a double disc",
you might say. Well, you're right. However, the second disc
is merely five bonus scenes along with a shitload of
trailers that, when compared with VCA including a bonus DVD
that has FOUR HOURS of content with some of their flicks, is about as anorexic as Kim's BFF's BFF.
Much like a 24 car pile-up,
this one will definitely attract some curiosity and get some
people to buy it. However, if you can't rent it for a buck
or two, I urge you to skip it and spend your money on one of Vivid's more deserving flicks. In fact, early in the flick Ray J
the camera, "When you're jacking off to this, go hard".
Well, thanks to the lack of fuck material, as well as the
shitty production, direction and editing, my recommendation
to Skip It is probably the easiest rating i've ever given.
"Look at all
those fools paying $40 for this."