Genre: Internet Video Clip Compilation Director: Unknown Cast::Dena Cally, Beauty Dior, Kaleah, Mahlia, Shi Reeves, Billy Banks, Jon Jon, Brock Length: 135 mins Production Date: 2006
Audio/Visual: In a Nutshell - Decent, But Not Definitive
Since it's a collection of clips that, at one time, appeared on the Ass Like That website, the production values here are basic and uncomplicated. We get a couch or a bed, a pair of potential porn performers, and lots of pans and zooms. The camerawork is pretty crappy, and the decision to move in for overlong extreme close-ups argues for the production's Internet ideal. Still, the 1.33:1 full screen image is colorful and clear, details easily discernible with contrasts kept under control. You'll suffer from a little cinematic seasickness thanks to the bobbing and weaving of the cinematography, but overall, the presentation is very professional.
Extras: In a Nutshell - Suffers from Old Mother Hubbard Syndrome
A collection of trailers – nothing more. No behind the scenes footage, no making-of material. Nothing. Extremely paltry, even by porn standards.
First Impressions: Ass Like That both suffers by, and benefits from, a recent critical comparison. As you might already know, the Dirge handled a hardcore release entitled Ooowee, a big butt fetish film that took the concept of oversized booties to new, almost unnatural extremes. Let's put it this way – the combined hinders of the cast of Big Wet AssesANDAss Like That, would barely equal one of the tremendous tushies on display there. So this DVD offers nothing new or novel, especially to these rump-beleaguered eyes. On the other hand, the smaller the sit-upon, the better the balling apparently. Indeed, Ass Like That trumps Ooowee in action AND attractiveness. The gals here are all gorgeous, and they come across as shapely and sexy, not fascinating if kind of freakish. And all of this helps sell the fuck and suck – especially since it tends to follow a very clear, concise web-based parameter.
The Sex Scenes:
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After viewing the entire contents of this disc, it is clear that Ass Like That.com believes in a specific formula. First, there's the standard chat up, the 'let's get to know these girls better' introduction. Then the meat puppet enters (that is, if he's not already sitting next to the star, giving her some pre-porn palaver) with a bottle of baby oil. The rear end is given a good greasing, and then we get some stale ass worship (kissing, fondling, jiggling, smacking). Finally, it's time to get grinding. Oral is followed by various positions (each one held for far too long) and an eventual money shot. If anything, the action in Ass Like That consistently overstays its welcome. Watching a couple copulate Reverse Cowgirl or Scissors style may seem steamy, but not when we are forced to watch it for five to six minutes straight, it grows routine. While editing doesn't always equal eros, this title could have used a little nookie nip/tuck.
Scene 1:Dena Cally, Billy Banks Acts Performed:Cabaret, Foreplay, Ass Worship, Ass Oiling, Blowjob, Doggy, Spoon, Reverse Cowgirl, Scissors, Mish, Cream Pie Score:2 out of 5
She's very attractive, petite and sweet, and apparently ready to rock. So why does Dena's hook-up with Billy seem so slack? It could be because of the faces Ms. Cally makes. They range from bored, to fake fire, and back again. While she's not the worst of the bunch (just wait until we get to Scene 2), there is an element of "where's my check" disconnect at play here, a sentiment amplified by the camera's desire to focus almost exclusively on the actress's responses every few minutes. Another negative element is Billy's bubbly personality. He tries to sell us on the fact that this is the best piece of ass he has ever had. It would have worked too, if he hadn't repeated it over and over and over again, and then appeared four scenes later to say the same exact things.
Scene 2:Beauty Dior, Jon Jon Acts Performed: Cabaret, Foreplay, Ass Worship, Ass Oiling, Blowjob, Cowgirl, Doggy, Scissors, $hot in Mouth Score:2 out of 5
He's an odd combination – Ms. Dior's classy chassis and Jon Jon's bucky beaver jawline. It's like watching Jimmy "JJ" Walker diddle a dime store Iman. Even worse, Beauty has a general sex act malaise that screams, "Pay me!" With only three positions before the pop, and lots of pre-pork conversation, the results are less than randy. Still, there are moments where our gal's gorgeous gluteus is bouncing in reaction to the hood rat's humping, and everything seems to sizzle. With a little more carnal complexity, and a tad more attention from the actress involved, this could have been a very hot sequence. Instead, it merely goes through the XXX motions.
Scene 3:Kaleah, Unknown Male Acts Performed: Cabaret, Foreplay, Ass Worship, Ass Oiling, Ass Crack Jacking, Doggy, V to M, Blowjob, Mish, Cowgirl, $hot on Ass Score:2 out of 5
Everything said about the first two scenes applies here as well: Kaleah is striking in her 'let's get busy' beginning moments, but slacks off once cock hits cunt; our unknown meat man is decent at the upstart, but grows mundane after a while; the general attitude is less 'sex for fun' and more 'balling for Benjamins' and there is very little passion between the performers. One of the best aspects of the sequence is Ms. K's body – she is expertly proportioned, with a nice set of tits and a tantalizing ass. Her boy toy makes good use of both, but it's not long before we get tired of the same old sex shtick.
Scene 4:Mahlia, Brock Acts Performed: Cabaret, Foreplay, Ass Worship, Ass Oiling, Blowjob, Ball Action, Cowgirl, Implied V to M, Doggy, Spoon, Scissors, Mish, $hot in Face Score:2.5 out of 5
This is clearly the best scene in the entire set, though Mahlia is by no means the best looking gal offered. Indeed, she seems rather mousy, and only opens up once Brock's big dick is driven into her pussy. Still, the couple gels quite nicely, and when they get down to some substantive spooning, you can feel the red hot heat between them. While it would have been nice to see the duo drilling in ways other than ones specifically designed to accentuate the ass, this is a perfect example of what the title could have achieved had it not been culled from Internet clips only.
Scene 5:Shi Reeves, Billy Banks Acts Performed: Cabaret, Foreplay, Ass Worship, Ass Oiling, Blowjob, Cowgirl, Reverse Cowgirl, Spoon, V to M, Doggy, Scissors, Cream Pie Score:2 out of 5
Though her clown-like eye make-up is a little distracting, and Billy's braggadocio personality constantly interrupts the eros, this couple really looks good together. And when you consider that Mr. Banks' has a trademark take on the money moment (as in Scene 1, it's cream pie time for this straight guy), we do end up with something that really stands out over and above everything else offered. While the Dirge is not a big fan of cum filled cunts dripping guy goo, it does provide some novelty in what is, generally, a generic presentation.
Disco Dirge Peter Meter Rating:2 out of 5 (Rent It) Cohabitation Certification:Granted
Sadly, though Ass Like That far outshines the less than fetching elements in the equally bum obsessed Ooowee, it still can only manage a Rent It rating. Why is that, you ask? Well, the answer is quite simple. You have product previously available online (and it may still be, for all this critic knows), five rather static scenes, a collection of ladies more interested in making a deposit than a fiery sequence of fuck and suck, and the DVD doesn't have a single marketable element of added content. The sex, while staid, is actually pretty good, but the rest of the package undermines the arousal. Couples will clearly enjoy the sensual nature of the action, and there is no abuse or subjugation present. This means the title easily earns a Cohabitation Certification. Unless you are addicted to women of color tossing their tushy in the air like they just don't are, you'll find fierier frigging out there in the marketplace. This is good – it's just not groin-grabbingly great.