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Juggernauts 7

Studio: Mayhem » Review by Disco Dirge » Review Date: 5/6/07

XCritic's Advice: Recommended

Genre: Fetish – Big Tits
Director: Jim Power
Cast::Tiffany Price, Candy Mason, Brooke Haven, Claire Dames, Natasha Nice, Devon Lee, Seth Dickens, Brad Handy, Lee Stone, Otto Bauer, CJ Ryder
Length: 135 mins
Production Date: 2006

In a Nutshell - Polished and Professional – Most of the Time
While there is a tendency for the image to suffer from too much post-production tweaking (saturated colors, stuttering action), the 1.33:1 full screen transfer still looks pretty good. Granted, director Power has a tendency to let his lens wander, using pans and sweeps as excuses for something more artistic, but he manages to capture the dirty deed with focus and panache. Some of the attempts at moody atmosphere fail (especially in Scene 4), but you have to give Juggernauts 7 credit. The outdoor locales (a fabulous fountain in Scene 2) and overall look are excellent.

In a Nutshell - Some Intriguing Behind the Scenes Stuff
Along with the usual collection of adult industry standards (galleries, trailers, sex talk ads) there is an interesting bit of backstage material. It's nothing too fancy or all that enlightening, but the overall approach is engaging, and we do learn a little about life behind and in front of the camera.

First Impressions:
Something just doesn't seem right here. You decide to create a big tit title, you find yourself a collection of well-endowed ladies, and you fire up the fuck and suck, right? Doesn't seem like that hard of a concept. Therefore, isn't it cheating when 80% of your hired talent PAID for their massive mammaries? Aren't you destroying the purpose of your porn when the gal's gignormous lungs barely move under the stress sentiments of saline under skin? That's Juggernauts 7's big issue, especially for a confirmed tit man like The Dirge. Boobs shouldn't sit on a woman's chest like two pert pink pi๑atas. They shouldn't take the concept of 'statuesque' literally. No, big fat breasts should undulate and sway, fall back behind the armpits when an actress lays down, or fold and flop when enveloping a cock. Granted, the gals here do a pretty convincing job of pretending their pontoons are real, but they were probably sore for days afterward, what with the workout their fake femme parts have to go through.

The Sex Scenes:
For the most part, the slap and tickle on display here is pretty good. There are some incredibly hot moments, but oddly enough, they don't add up to create a wholly horny sequence (or for that matter, full length film). Each scene strives to tell a story (Scene 1 – a trip to 'titty heaven', Scene 3 – a stripper and her beau engage in a little pre-lap dance lewdness, etc.), and as you can see by the "Acts Performed" write-up, Power gets his people to pour on the positions. You'll never get bored by the amount of action in each installment of this boob bonanza. But you'll be less than impressed in general.

Scene 1:Tiffany Price, Candy Mason, Seth Dickens

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Acts Performed: Tit Sucking, Foreplay, Tit Fucking, Blowjob, Boobly Oobly, Dueling Head, Ball Action, Cowgirl, Face Sitting, 69, Alternating V to M, Reverse Cowgirl, Salad Tossing, Doggy, Pile Driver, Spoon, Mish, $hot in Face, Girl on Girl Clean-up
Score: 3 out of 5
Tiffany and Candy are what you would call classic carnal eye bonbons, a standard sexual sell through of brazenly bleach blonde hair, high class hooker make-up, bodies based on Barbie Dolls, and the extensive scientific study on the results of plastic surgery on the female form. Yes, these babes have incredibly fake racks, but they sure know how to work their womanly delights, so who really cares, right? This is perhaps the best scene in the entire collection, partially due to the fact that Seth responds well to the passion the pair puts forth. There is a clear connection between the performers, and the ladies really amplify the arousal with their sleazoid statements and "Fuck Me" facial expressions.

Scene 2:Brooke Haven, Brad Handy
Acts Performed: Cabaret, Breast Oiling, Masturbation, Tit Sucking, Foreplay, Tit Fucking, Reverse Cowgirl, Mish, Anal Spoon, A to M, Anal Cowgirl, Anal Pile Driver, Anal Gaping, Anal Doggy, $hot on Mouth and Tits
Score: 2.5 out of 5
Another good scene, but also one that really exemplifies the problem with implanted mommy bags. Try as she might – and she definitely pulls out all the oil/fondling/self-suck stops – Brooke can't get her rock hard hooters to respond. They just sit there, like skin colored stones. Luckily, this actress can really turn on the hardcore humping. She is well matched with Brad (who, frankly, is a bit bland) and the outdoor setting is sensational. Had Juggernauts 7 employed an "all natural" ideal when it came to casting, we'd have a really good scene. As it stands, it's fiery and erotic for reasons OTHER than the ta-tas.

Scene 3: Claire Dames, Lee Stone
Acts Performed: Foreplay, Tit Fucking, Tit Sucking, Blowjob, Reverse Cowgirl, Spoon Scissors, Doggy, Mish, Cowgirl, $hot in Mouth
Score: 2.5 out of 5

Poor, poor Claire – teamed up with a partner that's more penis than personality. Fans have long known that Stone carries a sizeable stiffy in his muscled meat puppet package, but as he's aged, it's become his sole distinguishing facet. The minute this titanic tool enters Ms. Dames' nether regions, the look on her face turns from satisfied to scared. There are moments when you actually feel sorry for her, as she appears to be in that much pain. And there's Lee, shoving that oversized organ as far as he can into her basically petite pussy. The pair does create some intense action, but the look of hurt on Claire's face undermines some of the eros. Also, the opening play acting is horrible. This duo should stick to screwing, not trying to sell something scripted.

Scene 4: Natasha Nice, Otto Bauer
Acts Performed: Whipped Creaming, Tit Play, Fingering, Auto Erotic Tit Sucking, Creamy BJ, Face Fucking, Tit Fucking, Mish, Dick on Clit Action, Cowgirl, Anal Fingering, Pile Driver, Implied V to M, Scissors, Reverse Cowgirl, $hot in Mouth
Score: 2.5 out of 5
Welcome to the only sequence of real breasts in the entire film. Natasha has the kind of dandy D cups that make lovers of legitimate skin sacks smile. Unfortunately, the scene takes a sloppy turn with the introduction of a can of whipped cream. On the pro side of the situation, nothing beats a couple copulating with the help of some desert topping. From a negative perspective, Ms. Nice and Mr. Bauer (who gets a little sweetness on his shaft as well) end up covered in dairy residue and, for the most part, it looks kind of disgusting. Another potential turn off is the size of Natasha's clit. While not a WWE's China Doll sized mini-dick, it is freakishly large. Of course, this means our director focuses on it constantly, the unusual image sometimes taking up the entire screen.

Scene 5: Devon Lee, CJ Ryder
Acts Performed: Tit Play, Foreplay, Cunnilingus, Tit Fucking, Cowgirl, Oiling, Tit Fucking, Anal Spoon, Anal Pile Driver, $hot in Mouth, Gargling
Score: 2 out of 5
Devon does a decent job here, as does her partner CJ. Sadly, there is little else to distinguish the scene from the others. Ms. Lee loves to chatter, talking nonstop about anything and everything erotic. Her partner, on the other hand, simply concentrates on the cunt. Their vibe is direct and decent, and you feel some definite fire between them, but on a DVD where there's been some near definitive dicking, this final sequence pales in comparison.

Disco Dirge Peter Meter Rating: 2.5 out of 5 (Recommended)
Cohabitation Certification: Granted
One of the standards we porn critics use to determine the value of a disc is whether or not we personally find the material hot and heavy. If it fails to fulfill our own personal prick proclivities, there's a pretty good chance it will fail your fluffing as well. Luckily, Juggernauts 7 offers some really steamy stuff, as well as undoing a bit of its balling by presenting us with actresses who had to buy their bodaciousness. Easily earning a Recommended rating, a similar style of suck and fuck would have garnered a 'Higher' score had all the tits been real. Couples will clearly enjoy the sensual nature of the action, and there is no abuse or subjugation present. This means the title easily earns a Cohabitation Certification. True, there is nothing wrong with the current trend in plastic fantastic falsies. But when you're dealing strictly with a size showcase, natural is always better.

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