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Tits Ahoy 5


Studio: Third Degree Films » Review by Don Houston » Review Date: 6/24/07



XCritic's Advice: Recommended

Tits Ahoy 5

Third Degree

Genre: Gonzo

Director: Mike "Samson" Quasarman

Cast: Mikayla, Trent Soluri, Kayla Synz, Sascha, Whitney Stevens, James Deen, Ava Lauren, Bree Olsen

Length: 127:47 minutes

Dates of Production: 3/10/2007 to 3/29/2007

Extra's: The best extra was the 19:28 minute long Behind the Scenes feature by Nate Liquor(?) that showed most of the ladies either before or after their scenes; occasionally providing some action from the scenes themselves but missing out on some of the hottest gals. There was also a photogallery, a cumshot recap, a true double sided DVD cover (and slipcase), and trailers to movies like Hand To Mouth 4, Crack Addict 5, Swallow the Leader 4, Hand to Mouth 3, About Face 3, Hand To Mouth, Tits Ahoy 3, and Asswhole 3.

Condoms: None

Audio/Video Quality: Tits Ahoy 5 was presented in a 1.78:1 ratio anamorphic widescreen color presentation as shot by talented director Mike Quasar for Third Degree Films. The lighting was very good, limiting the grain and video noise while providing accurate fleshtones on the cast. The picture was always very fetching with the composition of the shots as solid as I ever remember Mike providing in the past, always enhancing the look of the ladies in their scenes substantially from some of their lesser efforts at other companies. The fleshtones were accurate and in technical terms, some significant care was applied to the production (pre, during, and post production at that). There were no compression artifacts observed and the overall visual quality was very good, as expected with the bitrate coming in around the mid 5 Mbps area most of the time I was paying attention to it. The audio registered on my receiver as 2.0 Dolby Digital (in 192 Kbps) but the vocals varied a bit in terms of loudness and there wasn't any music getting in the way of most scenes this time. I didn't notice anything that would give your home theatres a work out but the audio properties did not detract from the experience. Fans of Spanish can listen to the secondary audio track in that language too; I found it to be an okay dub though only spot checked it to make sure it existed.

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Body of Review: Mike Quasar is currently known as a quality director working for Zero Tolerance and Third Degree Films; earning his pay by capturing some of the best sex you'll find in porn in terms of the technical values. His strength lies in giving the performers a solid understanding of what he wants and letting them go at each other rather than micromanage them to death as some of his peers do (while they kill all the heat in the process). His latest DVD is the tit worship title of Tits Ahoy 5, a series I last saw with Tits Ahoy 3. There were five scenes where women endowed with large breasts (manmade or real) got to tease and play with male partners, the emphasis always focused on their breasts. If this sounds good to you, here's a quick look at the scenes by cast and action, noting that no condoms were used:

Scene One: Mikayla, an increasingly popular brunette with large breasts, was up first as she teased outside in her skimpy pink lingerie that enhanced her form nicely. If you like sultry Latinas with heavenly curves, she will find her way into your head (and maybe your pants), I especially liked the way she took her time during the tease. After letting herself inside the house, she played with her nipples a lot, grabbing her breasts as though she was intent on poking an eye out with those suckers, eventually moving to the game room couch where moper Trent Soluri was waiting for her lapdance. Okay, I'll admit that my opinion of the guy is that he's a third tier meat puppet suitable only when a better guy is unavailable. It's not that he's really, really lame, has a small dick that he's unable to get hard, or other serious defect so much as his unpolished mannerisms and general lack of chemistry with the ladies. Mikayla, being a true professional, gave him some decent head and a titty fuck before actively riding his modest member in an aggressively bouncing style. She was loud, used dirty talk, and took the scene over as though she were the one fucking him; elevating the heat of the scene more than a mechanical rider could have done for me. They did plenty of vaginal sex before more oral and titty work, eventually resulting in a moderate load of population pudding gracing her face. In all then, it was a pretty solid start to the movie for me.

Scene Two: Kayla Synz, a sexy blonde with a sweet face and attractive body, was up next in the master bathroom as she stripped knowingly, soaking in the tub of water as she caressed herself. I liked the way the suds stuck to her implants (though I tend to strongly favor natural breasts of any size over implants) and the slow build up of heat was again worth mentioning as Sascha came up behind her to assist in massaging them. She responded favorably and was soon treating him to a bit of titty play, the gal barely getting a chance to slob his knob before they moved to the bed to bone. Initially, she was quite passive in the vaginal bumping of uglies, her respiration rate accelerated but few other outward signs of her mental state of mind seen. Thankfully, when she got on top of him, she gave a better show, bouncing on his cock far better and bringing the scene back to life for me for a time. This did not continue however and when they went to anal sex, she really slowed down to let him do all the work. The scene ended with a mouth pop and was largely a filler, despite her physical appeal to me at the onset of the scene.

Scene Three: Whitney Stevens, a busty brunette known for her natural wonders, was up next in some great blue lingerie enhancing her fleshy figure. The black fishnets completed the scenario for me and her ability to playfully tease was no hampered by the tremendous amount of make up she was plastered with here. I know people prefer covering up every slight blemish but they never hurt her appeal in the past so the addition of the war paint was over the top. The good news was that she always seems to enjoy working with guys like James Deen; one of the youngest, and smallest, guys active in porn these days. He might not be much but her sense of pleasure was visibly enhanced by his presence and while he rates about as high as Trent on my scale of things, her appreciation of the guy was not lost on me. She actively sucked him off and titty fucked him, leading again to an active romp on the couch that showed her driving style in full view. Her funbags bounced around in all directions, the gal diddling herself as she demanded he grab her "fucking titties". They tried all three aspects a few more times (mouth, titties, and cookie) with the inevitable pop shot to her chest, the gal rubbing in the semen to the fading camera.

Scene Four: Ava Lauren, an older brunette with large implants and a few miles on her chassis, was up next in a small red & black bikini as she followed the general formula of tease to the music edited in afterwards. I admit that her chest was way too big for her frame and there was something about her face that did not appeal to me but once she got rolling with Trent Soluri, I found her to be a pretty solid piece of ass to watch. She was the oldest gal of the movie and her MILF appeal was pretty high; her oiled up titties looking okay on her thick body. Trent was not exactly the type of guy she needed to work with but as a cougar; she took him on easily and sucked him off as she robbed the cradle. She struck me as a ball lover by the amount of time and energy she spent on his testicles, moving to some titty fucking before the vaginal fun. She was another slow starter but once on top, was active and demanding of him, bossing him around like she owned him lock, stock, and barrel. The moaning was over the top and she was a fair fuck but it ended with a titty pop that she seemed unimpressed with, leaving one scene to go.

Scene Five: Bree Olsen, the perfectly fine blonde on the front cover of the DVD, was up last as she studied herself in a mirror while wearing a tank top and great booty shorts. Her ass was sweet but as a movie devoted to titties, she proved to have a frontal assault well mapped out in terms of desirability; her girlish charms perfectly suited to enhancing the scene. Her breasts might have been the smallest of the crowd but the quality more than made up for that fact with me, her looks surpassing that of most contract gals that I've appreciated in the recent past. The lucky stiff getting to nail her was Sascha; Bree grinding against his cock on the couch as she gave him a lapdance worth remembering. Her dirty talk was also great, just enough to work without lowering her innocence while he claimed his prize. She did not take much of his cock in her mouth but she worked the tip over nicely as he felt her up, leading to her actively impaling herself on his lap while telling him how much she wanted to fuck him. He only took her cookie here but did stick his fingers in her ass while doing so, the gal taking pit stops to suck him clean with some PTM. She was performing strictly for the camera at the end of the scene but having a blast while doing so; closing up with a titty pop as expected (and giving some post coital head too).

Summary: Tits Ahoy 5 by director Mike Quasar for Third Degree Films was an uneven mixture of scenes from where I sat but still well worth a rating of Recommended. Bree, Whitney, and Mikayla all provided highly strokable, full of replay, scenes that left me wishing for more lasting power so I rated this puppy as Recommended. The others were not up to par but I still thought each scene had enough worth checking out to maintain the rating, despite some quirks of casting (using two men that are lower grade than usual; probably to save money) so I can admit that Tits Ahoy 5, while not quite up to the quality of Tits Ahoy 3, was still a decent fuck flick to rub loads out to; especially if you like large tits.

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You can email me with questions at Houstondon @ hotmail.com if you have any constructive criticism of the review too. :) Also you can follow me on twitter @HoustonDon



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