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Tea-Bags and Tossed Salads


Studio: Mayhem » Review by Disco Dirge » Review Date: 8/2/07



XCritic's Advice: Recommended

Genre: Oral Only Compilation
Director: Terry English
Cast:: Shy Love, Jackie Moore, Katy Parker, Lara Stevens, Samantha Ryan, Trinity, Afrodite, Mery, Randi Wright, Paola Pey, Trina Michales, Ava Ramon, Bibi Fox, Katja Kassin, Audry Hollander, Mario Rossi, Chris Streams, David Perry, Nick Lange
Length: 125 mins
Production Date: 2006

Audio/Visual:
In a Nutshell - Good, in a Gonzo Kind of Way
Representing nothing fancy or fresh, the 1.33:1 full screen transfer of Tea Bags and Tossed Salads is very good. The colors are clear and there's a nice attention to detail. Most importantly, there are limited defects (flaring, bleeding) and the performers are rendered in realistic skintones. While you may see a pimply pussy or two, the visual element here is first rate.

Extras:
In a Nutshell - Nothing Special or Substantive.
It's the same old hardcore hokum - trailers, cumshot recap, phone sex ads - that the digital business believes is valid added content. Unless you need another excuse to spend money on smut, there is no real contextual value here.

First Impressions:
Single sex act titles are usually a big fat fuck and suck letdown. Since something offering oral only action guarantees to bypass actual penetration, you either got to love your log lunching, or walk a bit further down the XXX product aisle. In this case, Tea Bags and Tossed Salads focuses on three distinct mouth on man facets - tea-bagging (which is this film's codename for sucking on nuts), salad tossing (the eating of male - and occasionally, female - asshole), and blowjobs. That's it. Unlike other entries in this faux-fetish realm (like the Toss My Salad series), the craw on cock element doesn't lead to extended, full on fornication. Each of the eight scenes here have ladies licking stud salami, nibbling dude dates and tasting taint before a mandatory pop in the puss. If this kind of pelvic proclivity floats your boat, there is plenty of it to be found. If not, you'll be bored out of your butt bath.

The Sex Scenes:
Even with two gals working the wood, the action can get very dull during Tea Bags and Tossed Salads' running time. There is only so much cock sucking, testicle tweaking, and anus attention a XXX fan can take before the hardcore turns ho hum. You have to give director Terry English credit for trying to spruce things up as much as he does. He uses first person POV to draw the audience into the action, gets the lens in good and close when mouths are moving on man-bud, and gives each girl a good glamour shot moment or two. But as with most focused pornography, the main attraction gets all the consideration. So if oral only is not your style of smut, if you don't think anus eating is the end all, be all of girl on guy action, you'd better skip this DVD. Tea Bags and Tossed Salads definitely lives up to its limited spotlight name.

Scene 1: Shy Love, Jackie Moore
Acts Performed: Lesbian Cabaret, Kissing, Tit Sucking, Cunt Fondling, Blowjob, Ball Sucking (the Tea-Bagging), Male Ass Eating (Salad Tossing), Taint Licking, $hot in Mouth and Face
Score: 2 out of 5

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Since each scene in this set is basically the same, commenting on them individually may seem pointless. After all, the effectiveness of a blowjob is usually inherent in the receiver, not the beholder. And since director English avoids showing us the men involved (its just dicks and dumper here folks) we can't get a real bead on their reactions. So judgment on the competency of the title actions will be reserved to a single score. On the other hand, a critic can mention anything unusual that may happen - beginning with Shy and Jackie's Sappho shenanigans that start the scene. Indeed, their same sex stunts help salvage some sad shaft sucking.

Scene 2: Katy Parker, Lara Stevens
Acts Performed: Lesbian Cabaret, Kissing, Tit Sucking, Cunt Fondling, Cunnilingus, Blowjob, Ball Sucking (the Tea-Bagging), Male Ass Eating (Salad Tossing), Female Salad Tossing, Face Fucking, $hot in Mouth and Face, Snowballing, Swallowing
Score: 2.5 out of 5
It's clear from the ferocity by which Katy and Lara snack on guy groin that these gals ain't vegetarians. It's meat eating all the way for these venerable vixens. Even better, their paramour returns the rump munching favor, working their perky puckers with tantalizing tongue work. The end result is the best scene in the set, a clear indication of what this title could have been had the right performers been paired together.

Scene 3: Samantha Ryan, Trinity
Acts Performed: Lesbian Cabaret, Kissing, Tit Sucking, Cunt Fondling, Blowjob, Ball Sucking (the Tea-Bagging), Male Ass Eating (Salad Tossing), $hot in Mouth and Face
Score: 1.5 out of 5
For everything that Scene 2 gets right, Scene 3 avoids. The two on one action is anemic and very lax. The blowjob is basic and the attention to areas surrounding the shaft is superficial and unexciting. These ladies can't even give good gal/gal. Instead, they come across as paid presenters of mediocre member manipulation. You almost feel sorry for the dude getting diddled.

Scene 4: Afrodite, Mery
Acts Performed: Lesbian Cabaret, Kissing, Tit Sucking, Cunt Fondling, Hand Job, Blowjob, Ball Sucking (the Tea-Bagging), Male Ass Eating (Salad Tossing), Female Salad Tossing, $hot in Mouth and Face, Snowballing, Swallowing
Score: 2 out of 5
Thanks to the reciprocal nature of the meat puppet's mouth (working each lady's lower regions), and the overall passion prevalent, Tea Bags and Tossed Salads recuperates from the previous pathetic excuse for erotica and comes up trump. Too bad the sequence doesn't last longer. Afrodite and Mery look like they could handle a lot more than a peter popping off in relatively short order.

Scene 5: Randi Wright, Paola Rey
Acts Performed: Lesbian Cabaret, Kissing, Tit Sucking, Cunt Fondling, Blowjob, Ball Sucking (the Tea-Bagging), Male Ass Eating (Salad Tossing), 69, $hot in Mouth and Face
Score: 2 out of 5
Nothing new or novel here, save for the minor moment of 69. Our actresses do a decent job of selling the suck, and neither appears grossed out or reluctant to taste he-man hinder. Again, the lack of anything remotely original starts to sink this release. With three more scenes to go, it's hard to fathom how this boner/balls/butt bonanza will maintain its sizzle. Sadly, it doesn't.

Scene 6: Triana Michael, Ava Ramon
Acts Performed: Lesbian Cabaret, Kissing, Tit Sucking, Cunt Fondling, Blowjob, Ball Sucking (the Tea-Bagging), Male Ass Eating (Salad Tossing), Actual Tea-bagging (Balls on Face), $hot in Mouth and Face
Score: 2 out of 5
Back when the phrase was first introduced as part of the porn vernacular, "tea-bagging' meant dangling one's testis over some poor dope's mug. Either you'd lay your nutsack on someone's face or across their chin, but the implication of actually sucking on said gonads was never discussed. It was more of a sexual diss than anything else. The Dirge mentions this because our guy here actually applies the old school definition of the act, laying his sperm sacks right on these gals' grill. And believe it or not, it actually elevates the arousal aspects of the sequence.

Scene 7: Bibi Fox
Acts Performed: Cabaret, Blowjob, Ball Sucking (the Tea-Bagging), Male Ass Eating (Salad Tossing), $hot in Mouth and Face
Score: 1.5 out of 5
Two girls going to town on one man's meat is one thing - a solo shot of woman on wood borders on the absolutely pointless. Try as she might, Bibi is just a single orifice, and therefore, a one trick pony. While a duo can deliver both rod and rectum action, she has a hard time just doing the dumper. This makes for a rather routine exercise, the kind of quasi-carnality we see at the start of any and all hardcore happenings.

Scene 8: Katja Kassin, Audry Hollander
Acts Performed: Lesbian Cabaret, Kissing, Tit Sucking, Cunt Fondling, Blowjob, Ball Sucking (the Tea-Bagging), Male Ass Eating (Salad Tossing), 69, Actual Tea-bagging (Balls on Face), $hot in Mouth and Face
Score: 2 out of 5
Admittedly, we have two of the hottest, horniest bitches in all of XXX participating in this scene, and for a while, Katja and Audry more than live up to their smut slut reputations. They attack dick with decisiveness, and eat ass like it's going to be outlawed tomorrow. But since each lady also excels in other boudoir dynamics, limiting them to log, lugs and lap seems silly. We'd rather see them crammed with cock, not biting boy bum solely.

Disco Dirge Peter Meter Rating: 2.5 out of 5 (Recommended)
Cohabitation Certification: Granted
While there is still some stigma surrounding a he letting a she work his shitter (although the reason why remains a machismo mystery), the relatively tame tactics employed by Tea Bags and Tossed Salads should be easy enough for even the most anal-phobic man to accept. The performers are uniformly attractive and more than professional, and the rather consistent level of carnality makes for a semi-sizzling wanton workout. Earning a borderline rating of Recommended, it's a shame there wasn't more to this title. By expanding the running time by 60 minutes or so, each sequence could have included some actual fornication to finish off the fun. Still, couples can't complain about the material provided (though here's thinking more than one gal pal won't be inspired to explore her mate's fart factory) so a Cohabitation Certification is easily warranted. In the sphere of sexuality, men surely enjoy their blowjobs. Tea Bags and Tossed Salads wants to expand into the rest of the oral universe. To its credit, it does so exhaustively, if not effectively.





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