There are basically two schools of thought on full frontal female hygiene. Some like their pussy as smooth as a baby's bottom (and the analogy is strangely apropos), stubble free, and completely hairless - the better to see the flopping labia, one imagines (though other more questionable rationales could exist). Then there are those who adore a tiny patch of hair - a landing strip of love above the vaulted walls of sexual sugar, or a delicious design accentuating a woman's wondrous womb. Of course, there are extremes on both ends, but when it comes to femme fur, the obvious outer limits are evocatively old school. To paraphrase the notorious '60s musical, there are men out there who want vaginas (and asses) with hair, long beautiful hair. Shining, gleaming, streaming, flaxen, waxen. Drew Smith's dopey Hair Force One
tries to celebrate the coated cunt, complete with gals who've allowed their nether regions to sprout Sasquatch like locks. Yet its Eastern European approach (odd) matched by Smith's constant discussion of pinball machines (odder) and his collection of clipped pubic hair (oddest) turns this fetish film into a farce.
The Sex Scenes:
Part compilation (meaning the title takes unrelated scenes of hirsute honeys and incorporates them into the main narrative), part international smut spoof, the interracial element at the center of Hair Force One will either stimulate or shrink your interest in the title, depending on your tendencies. Half the cast can't speak English (some of the movie was supposedly made in Russia), while others are merely conduits for giant black dick. While the men are named in the credits, they are not listed per scene, so it's hard to figure out whose zooming who. And since we've already established that the gals are more or less interchangeable, there's a real impersonal vibe to the entire production. Drew drives it along with his weirdo witty banter, but what we really want is red hot humping. We only get some of that here.
Scene 1:Mya, Lis
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Acts Performed:Cabaret, Foreplay, Dueling Blowjobs, Alternating Mish, V to M, Alternating V to M, Alternating Mish to Doggy, Foot Job, Anal Reverse Cowgirl, Alternating A to M, Toe Sucking, Alternating Anal Doggy, $hot to Mouth, Oral Cleanup
out of 5
Taking on two Borscht beauties at once, Joachim Kessef finds his hands, mouth and cock full of female lovin' during this incredibly erotic scene. While two on one action is usually dictated by the dude, our Soviet sweeties do their damnedest to take control. They ride their man meat, crawling all over his body like Hellcats on the prowl. Eventually, they do fall into a purely passive mode, but while they're into it, they're ready for anything. Watching our stud stuff two twats (or tushies) one on top of the other is intriguing, but gets a bit busy after a while. Still, such a scene promises great things from Hair Force One
. Sadly, not every sequence decides to deliver.
Acts Performed:Masturbation, Cabaret, Blowjob, Spoon, Reverse Cowgirl, V tom M, Mish, Cowgirl, Doggy, $hot to Mouth
Score:2 out of 5
A perfect example of inserted ordinariness, this one on one workout is nothing more than a girl getting girded by a guy who doesn't give a damn. There is no passion between these performers, no connection to the carnality. Camilla poses, her pole pusher plows through the positions. Before we know it, the ball broth is flowing freely. After the first scene, where Joachim and his ladies really tried to bring on the balling, the lax loving here is a real letdown.
Acts Performed:Blowjobs, Ball Sucking, Alternating Head, Doggy, Mish, Toe Sucking, Face Fucking, Cowgirl, Anal Reverse Cowgirl, DP in the Reverse Cowgirl Mode, A to V to M, DP in the Cowgirl Mode, Gaping, $hots to Mouth
Score:3 out of 5
Talk about getting plowed! Priscilla is a horse cock hanger just waiting for oversized man meat to fill up her orifices. Whether it's a calculated combination of penis in pussy and pooper, or tool in twat and talkbox, she isn't about to let either gent walk away unsatisfied. The problem with such a free-for-all feel is that we sometimes lose the connection between the participants and end up finding the entire situation mechanical and automatic. Still, with the added pleasure of some fiery DP, this scene manages to make a strong XXX statement.
Scene 4:Helena Bush
Acts Performed:Cunnilingus, Blowjob, Fingering, Reverse Cowgirl, V to M, Spoon, Mish, Doggy, Pile Driver, Ball Action, Standing Reverse Cowgirl, $hot on Bush
Score:3 out of 5
Helena more than lives up to her ludicrous last name - this gal has got poon pelt in abundance. In fact, it's safe to say that she's sporting more hair down there than 90% of the girls in the business - COMBINED. Unfortunately, she's a bit of a statue, not really responsive to the needs of a hardcore hardcore fan. We're lucky then that foreign fuck star Franco Roccaforte is here to provide the pork. Aggressive without being abusive, goofy without being too grating (though the scene where he sends Drew some of his own ass hairs pushes the limits of XXX comedy), this European pudknocker keeps Ms. Bush honest. They wind up providing some potent pounding.
Acts Performed:Fingering, V to M, Kissing, Foreplay, Blowjob, Mish, V to M, Doggy, Scissors, Reverse Cowgirl, Cowgirl, Spoon, Cream Pie
Score:2.5 out of 5
At this point, Hair Force One goes wildly off course. Until now, we've followed Drew's desire to sample the hairiest pussies on the planet, watched as he repaired a vintage Bally table (with no closure to the DIY, mind you), and seen him talk to his "team" about finding more twat tresses. Suddenly, all that's dropped, and we're left with two scenes that fail to provide much evidence of the erotic. Of the pair, this is the best, since it gets in, and gets its job done. Ventura may not be the most wooly woman of the set, but she does take a cum-laden cream pie for the team. It helps her earn points in the all important 'carnality' category.
Acts Performed:Pubic Hair Nuzzling, Cunnilingus, Blowjob, Spoon, V to M, Reverse Cowgirl, Face Sitting, Cowgirl, Doggy, Mish, $hot on Bush
Score:2 out of 5
Spending practically half its time in pointless conversation between Drew and his 'dawg', when Gabriela finally drops trou, the resulting mediocre muff was barely worth the wait. Even worse, our actress just lays there like a load and takes her trouncing with ineffectual ennui. If it wasn't for the showmanship of her partner, plus the cameraman's decision to actually let us see the sex without mucking it up with fancy angles or framing, this would be the worst scene in the set. As it is, it manages to offer some minor moments of heat.
Disco Dirge Peter Meter Rating:3 out of 5 (Recommended)
Thanks in part to Drew's dynamic personality, his passion for pinball, and the furry fetlocks he manages to uncover, Hair Force One ends up being a mostly engaging erotic enterprise. Certainly there are better snatch batch titles out there, and the whole Russian concept is odd to say the least, there is still enough fire to fuel your groin girding needs. Earning an easy Recommended, there's the real possibility of an exciting series here. Couples will find nothing to complain about, meaning a Cohabitation Certification is easily awarded. For anyone who sees the sweaty, matted muff as a thing of dick flicking beauty, Drew Smith's shaggy smut fest will provide some coiffure crotch delights. While not quite perfect, it's more than passable.