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Creamery, The

Studio: Third Degree Films » Review by Don Houston » Review Date: 8/6/07

XCritic's Advice: Skip It

The Creamery

Third Degree

Genre: Compilation, Creampies

Director: Varied by scene

Cast: Lanny Barby, Mark Ashley, Steve Hooper, Jayna Oso, Lee Stone, Ariana Jollee, Mr. Pete, Zenza Raggi, Frank Gun, Dasha, Brittney Skye, Mark Wood, Lucy Love, Dillion Day, David Perry, Harmony, Tommy Gunn, Jada Fire, Evan Stone, Jasmine Byrne, Mark Davis, Angel Dark, Greg Centauro, Pat Myne, Sativa Rose, Jenaveve Jolie, Sarah Twain, Mick Blue, Steve Holmes, Natalli Di Angelo, Toni Ribas, Erik Everhard, Nikki Nieves, Julie Silver, Sharka Blue, Monica Sweetheart, Alektra Blue, Alexis Malone, Kelly "Fuckin" Wells

Length: 170:03 minutes

Dates of Production: 3/25/2004 to 12/15/2005 (box); 3/25/2004 to 4/6/2006 (credits)

Extra's: The best extra was an 18:24 minute long scene directed by Chris Streams starring Monica Mattos (looking like it was shot concurrently with the rest of the footage in Brazil from Monica Mattos: Too Much Is Never Enough as the couple fucked on a bed. It wasn't a bad bit of boning and I was surprised that it wasn't done in POV fashion but it also ended in a vaginal creampie that she scooped out with her fingers after some moderately decent oral and penetrative sex. There was also a photogallery, a true double sided DVD cover, and a slipcase for those of you interested.

Condoms: None

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Audio/Video Quality: The Creamery was presented in the same 1.33:1 ratio full frame color it was largely shot in by directors Pat Myne/Danny Case and Chris Streams for 3rd Degree. In general (to sum it up quickly), the scenes varied as much as you would expect considering the amount of time between them and the varying conditions individual scenes were shot under but many of the edited scenes looked quite good (as good as I remember them in their original movies). The lighting was usually very good and this limited the grain, video noise and other potential flaws right from the starting gate. I saw few compression artifacts (the video bitrate ranged from the lower 2 Mbps to the mid 6 Mbps from what I recall) or video noise, making this a nice looking set of scenes except for the choppy editing and lack of pacing. The 2.0 Dolby Digital English (in 192 Kbps) audio was okay but like most gonzo movies, there was little to discuss other than the limited moans, groans, and dirty talk were just fine, if uneventful in most scenes once more. I found no Spanish audio track on this one, a rarity for the company so devoted to bad dubs, but I'm not complaining a bit about that.

Body of Review: Third Degree has been one of my favorite gonzo companies in the last few years due to the straightforward nature of their releases, typically looking very crisp and providing levels of tease that I truly enjoy. They also focus their efforts on ladies that are arguably as physically attractive as you find at a given time, preferring the independent contractors over contract gals that can be so problematic as they rest on their laurels, making their movies something of a surprise every time. Two of their best directors are Pat Myne/Danny Case and Chris Streams, each man providing a different style for fans to enjoy, which is why I actively seek their works out when I don't miss out to my fellow reviewers here at DVD Talk (competition is fierce at times folks but that keeps us honest and on our toes to assist you in finding the best porn). Their latest release is a compilation title called The Creamery, which was a lot like Bring Your A Game 2 in that it offered up a bunch of scenes devoted to creampies by pillaging the archives and heavily editing the 20 scenes to give the viewer the cream of the crop (pun intended). A creampie being a male pop shot that goes straight into a pussy or ass, some of you might enjoy this but I will never appreciate edited scenes like this, my editor sending me a copy based on the fabulous picture of Lanny Barby in her bikini so sweetly oiled up. That said, here is a quick look at some of the scenes to give you an idea of what to expect, noting that no condoms were used and each of the scenes was chopped up to pieces:

The first scene was labeled as Ass Cream Pies but the closest reference I could find was We All Scream For Ass Cream by the company with Lanny Barby as the drop dead gorgeous gal as seen on the front cover. That some of the opening tease was left in was a drastic improvement over previous (and heavily edited) compilations such as Bring Your a Game 2 but all it did was whet my appetite for a lot more of Lanny. The photography was solid and the action lasted about seven minutes as Mark Ashley and Steve Hooper were sucked off, boned anally, and rubbed out loads into her gape but the mere fact that it was chopped up from the original version reminded me that a lot was missing with the editing choppy to the point where it was noticeable. The following scene with Jayna Oso was more of the same as she did the deed in a similar fashion (though admittedly not as well) from the same movie with Lee Stone. By the time Ariana Jollee was up third and doing Mr. Pete, Zenza Raggi, and Frank Gun, I knew they were simply making a highlights reel from a handful of titles that were probably hot as fuck in their original form yet there wasn't one word on the cover saying this was an edited compilation or mentioning which titles the scenes were derived from (pet peeves of mine).

The scenes then came from Cum On In 1 with Dasha getting nailed by Mark Ashley that were at least accurately labeled on the header opening the scene, followed by Brittney Skye doing Mark Wood; Lucy Love with Dillion Day and David Perry, moving on to Harmony getting tapped by Tommy Gunn and Mark Ashley in Screamin For Semen, and an assortment of others. I'd go on but my wrath was largely the result of the outside boxcover never speaking of the production as a compilation and never listing the scenes for buyers to decide if the production might suit their needs. Failing to mention edits and source of the scenes has long been something I hate and while your mileage may vary, I strongly suggest you seek out the original titles by Third Degree (I've seen about half of them myself; each working better previously when left untouched) if you want a hardcore fix.

Summary: The Creamery by directors Pat Myne/Danny Case and Chris Streams for 3rd Degree had twenty edited scenes that displayed various types of creampies (anal and vaginal, some merely a pop shot to a gape instead of a direct deposit). I do not sanction edited scenes except in the most unusual of circumstances so I rated this one as a Skip It unless you get it dirt cheap as part of an advertising program to get you to buy the original movies the scenes were taken from. In short, The Creamery, like Bring Your a Game 2 before it, relied so much on edited action that a lot of the spark was lost in the scenes and there was no reason for doing so. As a sampler it might be good to hand out at conventions but as a full priced release, pass this one up!

You can email me with questions at Houstondon @ hotmail.com if you have any constructive criticism of the review too. :) Also you can follow me on twitter @HoustonDon

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