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Porn Reviews » Adult Movie Reviews » Blind Dates Exxxposed! Vol. 1

Blind Dates Exxxposed! Vol. 1

Studio: Pink Visual Productions » Review by Don Houston » Review Date: 8/15/07

XCritic's Advice: Recommended

Blind Dates eXXXposed!

Pink Visual Productions

Genre: Gonzo

Director: Uncredited Director

Cast: Holly, Kid Vegas, Aspen Stevens, Ethan Cage, Alexia, Kris Slater, August, Tyler Wood, Destiny Summers, Buster Good

Length: 143:30 minutes

Date of Production: 6/15/2007

Extra's: For most people, the bonus scene between Chelsea Ray, Jay Huntington, and two black guys from Gangbang Squad 1 will be the best extra. It lasted 19:09 minutes and had her doing a decent job keeping up with them as they tapped all three of her holes. She was fairly passive on the anal action here but looked pretty good nonetheless for the fans. There was then a 9:34 minute long Behind the Scenes feature from the Bubble Butts Galore series with Kylee King showing off with some action including Ethan Cage. There was then a nod to tease with a 3:58 minute long dance section by a lean blond named Barbi in the living room. There were a bunch of trailers and a double sided DVD cover too for those who care.

Condoms: None

Audio/Video Quality: Blind Dates eXXXposed! was presented in the same 1.33:1 ratio full frame color it was shot in by a series of Uncredited directors for Pink Visual Productions. To sum up the look of the scenes, they all appeared to be shot by a cameraman or two that had limited skills. There was some grain, video noise, average composition of camera angles, and a host of other visual defects during the date portions of the scenes but the bedroom and living room scenes appeared to have a lighting set up that was decent in all but one case. I saw no compression artifacts and the bitrate of 4 Mbps (it ranged a bit) worked well enough for this type of show. The audio was presented in 2.0 Dolby Digital with a 192 Kbps bitrate but there was no real separation between the channels and the dynamic range was limited.

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Body of Review: Pink Visual Productions has had a number of success stories according to my fellow reviewers here at DVD Talk. Many of their releases to date have earned decent ratings and I picked up a few of the more promising looking titles myself last week. The latest one to make it to my pile of screeners was Blind Dates eXXXposed!, a porn parody of the syndicated dating show where couples go out on a date, usually find major problems with each other, and the audience is given a lot of pop up video comedy bubbles to laugh at during the process. While a low budget parody is rarely successful in capturing the nuances of a mainstream show, this one had enough going for it that I couldn't help but laugh at the scenarios, even though I knew they were fake, read cold from the script, and written as though adlibbed at the last moment. Still, with a solid cast of cuties and my personal appreciation for the mainstream show, I gave it a shot. Here's a quick look at the scenes by cast and action, noting that no condoms were used:

Scene One: Holly, an 18 year old student with a plain face but nice chest, was up first with "salesman" Kid Vegas who claimed to be 31 years old (and unwilling to discuss exactly what he sells), as the couple closely followed the dynamic of the syndicated television show by going on a date. I would have liked more of the funny pop up videos like the mainstream show and while this one started that way; the added expense probably nixed that idea. Instead of going for ice cream as originally planned, they decided to party in the park with a bottle of booze; ending up at the apartment instead to play on the couch. I'd prefer the comedy aspect be dropped if not properly attended too but around the 8.5 minute mark, he had his hands all over her body as she grabbed his cock. This led to them giving each other head in a 69 position, soon followed by an active little vaginal ride. The scene had a slow start but she really kicked into overdrive with the dirty talk and riding skills; her all natural body looking especially nice even if the lighting was crappy. If I wasn't reviewing this, I would have skipped or sped through the scene and missed the better parts, so this was a time when my hobby saved the day. It ended with some comedy after a wad of population pudding in the form of a vaginal creampie, giving the movie a nice start.

Scene Two: Aspen Stevens, a cutie that I haven't seen in a long time, was up next as a 22 year old about to be paired with pervert Ethan Cage. They did not get along at first but it seemed forced when she fussed at him for pointing out the obvious (though the pop up videos were funny). They ate ice cream and he annoyed her (like that was a surprise!) with his sex talk, the prudish gal throwing ice cream on him before they left. Needless to say, the bitchy routine she provided made him very sympathetic and the next thing you know; they were on the couch making out. She was a lot fleshier than I remember her at a few of the shows but it wasn't a bad thing for those that like some junk in the trunk; the massaging turning into oral and penetrative sex fairly quickly. I would have appreciated a more subtle transition from her uber bitch to passive love monkey but I was glad to see her back in action and didn't want to get nitpicky. She was an active vaginal ride (something that was not common of her before she left last time) and the scene ended with him busting a healthy nut on her titties.

Scene Three: Alexia, a skinny gal claiming to be 18 years old, and studly Kris Slater were up next as they followed the dating formula with the usual misrepresentations of what they were looking for. She was submissive about what plans to follow through on, going back to his place to hang out where the inevitable took place. They sucked, fucked, and ended with him rubbing out a load to her mouth. She seemed a little tense and shy (the dialog striking me that they were reading the lines for the first time) but under the flat lighting of the bedroom, her breasts looked bigger and she was soon rubbing her body against his. Her implants were too large for her frame but she provided a decent little ride, albeit not as good as some of the others here before she inhaled his facial.

Scene Four: August, a curvy gal with a pretty face and nice smile, was looking for Prince Charming but ended up with scruffy Tyler Wood instead. His moves were about as polished as mine are in real life but she decided to give him a pity fuck after some pawing in the back of the SUV on the way home. Her knob slobbing skills were top notch as expected and the road head enhanced the date for me before they made it back to the couch of coochy where she stripped for his pleasure. Her all natural body was sweet to view and her wonderfully rounded rump is always fetching but I busted out laughing at her "be gentle with me, it's so fucking tight" comment came up. She gave an active ride and the weak camera work aside, I liked the scene (this was true in all the scenes by the way; weak on camera work but fun to watch when things got started). He popped after both had some fun, filling her mouth to the best of his admittedly limited abilities for her to spit back out.

Scene Five: Destiny Summers, a 25 year old Floridian, and muscular Buster Good were up last and while she struck me as kind of plain initially, she had the kind of outgoing personality that tends to grow on a guy under the right circumstances. The date portion seemed heavy on the comedy and it actually worked fairly well before they started getting friendly in the public park. She also gave some road head and this is always appreciated by a guy (in real life or in porn) before they completed the scene in the motel bedroom. Unclothed, he looked a lot younger than I remember him from recent scenes so this one might have been another scene shot awhile back, the man eating her clam before they screwed like bunnies until her puffy pussy milked him dry and she slobbed his knob to completion with the facial icing coating her (and her gag reflex kicking in).

Summary: Blind Dates eXXXposed! by Pink Visual Productions managed to pull off the parody aspects almost as well as most of the scenes pulled off showing some decent sex. For that alone I knew the movie would earn a rating of Recommended but even as a low budget title, it used the talents of the cast to their fullest and served up some heated pairings that might have been funnier if better scripted yet remained well within the realm where I thought the uncredited crew knew more or less what they were doing. In short, Blind Dates eXXXposed! made sure every date ended successfully and there are a million ways to improve later volumes should any be made but I thought this was one of the best titles from the company that I've seen to date even with my minor reservations about the technical matters.

You can email me with questions at Houstondon @ hotmail.com if you have any constructive criticism of the review too. :) Also you can follow me on twitter @HoustonDon

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