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Squirts Illustrated

Studio: VCA » Review by Colonel Mustard » Review Date: 9/15/07

XCritic's Advice: Watch On Demand

Genre: Gonzo, Squirting
Director: Axel Braun
Length: Two Hour 2 minutes not including extras
Cast: Katrina Angel, Jamie Tyler, Desire Moore, Bianca Dagger & Gwen Diamond

Foresight:From Director Axel Braun comes a DVD dedicated to the controversial issue of female 'squirting'. To me, it's not whether or not you think these are squirts are staged or not, it's whether or not you find the action enjoyable to watch. Squirts Illustrated is a collection of five different squirters recruited by Braun to saturate some furniture. One thing is for sure, if you're becoming intimate with any of the girls on this DVD, you might want to bring yourself a rain coat and slickers. Keep reading and I will be sure to bring you some of the drenching action brought to you by VCA pictures.

Scene 1: Bianca Dagger
Bianca is a half Mexican, half German beauty with flowing black hair, slim body, perky small breasts and a fine, fine looking rump. Her pussy is shaved for the scene and it looks awesome wrapped around a cock as she flings her body up and down reverse cow-girl style. She claims to have 'puddled' before but never has actually squirted. Her man is there to make a full blown squirter out of Bianca during this scene. His mission is quickly accomplished as soon both Bianca and her man are covered with excretion from her vagina. The scene ends with Bianca finally being on the receiving end of some bodily fluids with her man depositing his load down her throat.

Scene 2: Desire Moore
Desire is somewhat of a non descript blonde, having the fun look of a girl next door just waiting to get pounded. She's sitting on the couch, her fingers daintily playing with her perfectly bald pussy. She's a softer figured woman with medium sized breasts and the type of physique that doesn't spend 50 hours a week in the gym. She's yearning to squirt and director Axle Braun has found just the guy to give her that sweet release. Her pussy squirts like a fountain drenching everything and anything within squirt shot. The scene ends with Desire's man painting her chest with a layer of man goo.

Scene 3: Gwen Diamond

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The lovely blonde cover girl is next up to spray everything in the room with her love juices. Gwen has the nice appeal of a sweet little California surfer girl the way she acts and the simple happiness in her face. As soon as she sees her guy coming, she bends her face over the couch, so her head is hanging over the edge and opens her mouth ready to get her face banged by the dick in front of her. To up the ante, she even tosses her man's salad using her pierced tongue to give him even more pleasure. Thankfully, her man was all to willing to return the favor and using his hand arouses the spots on Gwen's insides that respond with a sea of female ejaculate that hits everything in a three foot radius. Gwen continues to squirt during vaginal sex to the point where the couch is literally dark wet with her cum. Very hot scene, best of the entire DVD.

Scene 4: Jamie Tyler
Jamie is a dark haired woman with a big mouth just begging to be filled with a rock hard good ole American dick. She's got plenty of tattoos and gives off that nice alternative flair that drives some guys wild and makes other guys run the other way. To me, there is a certain excitement attached to such a fine vixen. Jamie is no stranger to the ways of men and soon finds herself engulfed in a phallic aiming right for the back of her head. Nice, but a little too brief oral scene is followed by tons of squirting as Jamie makes some very interesting squeaking sounds. As the liquid gushes from her pussy and judging by Jamie's reaction it defiantly looks like support for the argument that squirting is in fact real. The scene ends with cum deposited in her mouth.

Scene 5: Katrina Angel
The fifth and final girl to be included in the first rendition of Squirts Illustrated is Katrina Angel, a dirty blonde woman who is set up on a chair outdoors. I'm not sure if it was the outdoor lighting, but Katrina looks like she might be in need of a little dental assistance and has several noticeable tattoos. The upside to this equation is that Ms. Angel seems literally up for anything. She's got a soft natural body and breasts to match. After starting to fellate the cock in front of her, the sex starts and so do the water works. After four scenes, I think the director finally picked up that it might be easier to clean up outside than inside after such a squirt fest. The unmemorable scene ends with Katrina being on the receiving end of a grand ole facial.

Director Axel Braun has an open komodo and shows all of the antics of his squirting queens per and post sex. Some great commentary from Gwen Diamond, looking exhausted and totally confused where her 'gallon' of juice materialized from. The 26 minutes worth of behind the scenes has some nakedness and some brief penetrating shots. Also included are trailers from "Adventure Sex 4", "Barely Legal 70", "Barely Legal Corrupted 8", "Campus Confessions 11", "The Da Vinci Load: Angels & Semen", "18 & Easy 10", "Fetish Factory 2", "Letters to an Angel" and "Soccer Moms". Additional items are a very helpful star index and a photo gallery.

Bonus DVD: "Edge Play" starring Tyce Bune, Chloe, Brooke Hunter, Keisha, Kim Chambers, Kylie Ireland & Marilyn Chambers.
VCA has found a great way to get rid of their excess and obsolete DVDs. Add them as bonus items to new DVDs and create a lot of added value. Squirts Illustrated comes attached with "Edge Play", the February 2001 release from Director Veronica Hart. This Two Hour and 24 minute saga with legendary porn star Marilyn Chambers, Chloe, Kim Chambers and a host of other fan favorites. All nine of the sex scenes are quite unique including an entertaining masturbation scene with a woman using a suction cup dildo on the window of a limo with others watching that action including some squirting all over the top of the car. There is a four on one gang bang including all of the double penetration and ass to mouth action we've come to expect from our adult DVDs. One of my favorite former groupies turned porn star, Chloe has a great appearance when she's dandling from a sex swing from the top of a dance club only to be lowered to get nailed and blow members of the dance floor. There was also a very memorable gang bang including vile amounts of grime and 'motor oil' for lube that would make a germ-a-phobe ill. I actually thought this DVD was more fun to watch than the main attraction.

Bonus DVD Extras
Edge Play, re-formatted onto DVD, also had it's own extras including some forced sex line advertisements, internet trailer and directions to www.vcapictures.com. Trailers include "18 & Easy 8", "MILF Shakes", "Brazilian Anal Girls", "InTERActive", "Milk My Ass", Asian Fever Sex Objects 2", "Barely Legal School Girls 3" and "Booty Tales 2".

Where Hard Meets Soft: It's somewhat of a bad thing when I was much more intrigued by the 2001 release than the main attraction. Squirts Illustrated did include two hours of some wet and wild action that will keep one very lucky upholstery cleaner in business for the foreseeable future. The models were 'ok' looking at best and the sex didn't really stand out. Rent It more for the add on DVD than the main attraction.



Colonel Mustard

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