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Miso Horny


Studio: Other » Review by Crimson Clown » Review Date: 9/24/07


XCritic's Advice: Watch On Demand

Part of the Jules Jordan Collection, "Miso Horny" is a hit or miss project in the end. Though Jules Jordan's direction is competent enough for what entails, he's often intrusive to the proceedings, even getting himself a little nookie for the movie, and that's just sneaky. I want to be a porn director. "Miso Horny" may be great for a moment and then not so great another moment and it proceeds like that for nearly two hours. To make up for the hit or miss quality, it also features an interactive aspect to it that will be fixed to anyone's preference. Like oral? Shoot to the oral scenes. Like cum? Shoot to the shooting scenes. There's almost something for everyone!

Scene One: Charmane Star and Dillion Day

Charmane is a gorgeous woman who completely performs for the cameras and the audience here. She models herself in her gorgeous blue halter top and mini skirt, and then proceeds to finger herself and inevitably drifts to a crystal dildo and fucks herself spread out on a chair in a living room. Lee has a surefire hotness to her that more than makes up for the pretty sluggish pace of the start of the film. She looks absolutely gorgeous in blue and looks ever better spread out along a table and engaging in oral with her co-star Dillion. She proceeds to blow him and then teases him while he mounts her and fucks her, legs in the air. Star is a truly memorable opening performer in this compilation, and it's no wonder she takes the cover of the DVD. Star will surely inspire attention from the audience, and seduces us with every smirk and stern glance. The fucking between the two is intense but Jordan, not surprisingly, places great emphases on Star's face closing in on her moans and groans, and goes up and down her body as she's spread, and then rides the cock like a pro. The segment takes a great turn when she's given anal on a stair case, her plump ass raised high in the air, and things just heat up from there. Star's placement on this compilation was wise. Pretty much my favorite of the group.

Scene One: Jade Marcella

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Marcella begins this segment conversing with Jordan who inquires about her feelings about sex. She's a porn star, so she must like sex something fierce. Once the talking ends, Marcella finally gets down to business and relieves all doubts that this segment will fail to live up to Charmane's own. Marcella looks like a pure pro with oral, even if I nearly blew chunks watching her drool down on her partner's cock. There's something really disgusting about a girl drooling on a cock before sucking it, and that little moment never sat well with my stomach. Marcella is a pretty girl, she's just not completely my taste. She's heavily made up, looks tired, and Jordan turns the segment into cheesy POV porn with Marcella sucking off the camera man. Marcella takes on both of her mates cocks at a time and really doing nothing much beyond blowing them furiously, to which she gets cum in basically every inch of her face. Suffice it to say, this is a rather repetitive, boring, and awfully disgusting segment that doesn't quite follow up to the promising start.

Scene One: Kianna & Jules

Looking like an Asian Sheena mixed with an Amazon, Kianna is dressed in a gorgeous leopard skin bathing suit revealing her gorgeous breasts proudly, and glaring into the camera instantly turning me on. This woman has it all, from looks, curves, breasts, and a body that you just want to lick over and over. Wandering into a bathroom after properly showing off her wonderful tits, Jules arrives to make great love to her ass, fingering her and eating her out, all the while Kianna reciprocates with heavy oral. Kianna then proceeds to tit fuck him for a bit, and continue heavy oral, and Jules again reciprocates by eating her out with her long legs spread apart. Jordan makes a great mission of exposing Kianna's large body over and over with wide shots, and never lets us forget what a sexy beast she is. This is probably a competitor for the best with Charmane simply because Kianna is just a walking fantasy, and is fucked three ways to Sunday with a great finisher all over her beautiful tits. This is definitely a contender with Charmane.

Scene One: Leanna Lei & Lexington Steele

Leanna Lei is a pretty if petite little thing dressed in exercise get up circa Olivia Newton and prepares a workout video for her fans... because what fans want is a workout video starring their favorite porn star... right? Kidding aside, there is a comedic set up here, and I rather liked that Lei sold her "No really, I'm making an exercise video--oh well, I guess I'll fuck for you" sentiment for the movie. She begins stripping her workout garments and performs for the camera, fingering herself and seductively riding an exercise bike for the camera man, with an innocent smirk the whole time. Lei isn't the best looking girl in the compilation but damn she makes up for it with her set up, stripping as she goes from mechanism to mechanism. This seemed to be a segment more angling toward inadvertent comedy, and I didn't mind that too much. After foreplay, Lexington arrives to give her a real workout, and begins sucking him off, and is wrecked by the rather large Lexington who proceeds to fuck her good on her work out machines, forcing himself into her, and even fucks her ass while she lies on the floor in a stretching position. Humorously enough, Lexington can never quite get all the way in Leanna throughout the segment. Leanna takes it like a pro, though, all with a face finisher that makes this one of the funnier moments on the DVD.

Scene One: Miko Lee & Jules

Goddamn what a way to close out the film with a gorgeous little thing like Miko who looks great in her silver top, and short black miniskirt. Kneeling down at the foot of her bed, she proceeds to undress, slowly unveiling her top and fondling herself, and then exposes her gorgeous ass to the camera. Beyond her face, her ass is probably the best portion of her body as she's smooth, sexy, and begging to be fucked. She also models for the camera licking and fingering herself and gyrating oh so passionately, until Jules arrives to give it to her raw. He eats her ass and pussy for a good long while as Lee waves her rump to him and groans anxiously. Miko sucks Jules off for a while, and is then spread at the edge of her bed and is fucked roughly and it gets intense. Miko looks great, and the zoom in's on her face only improve that opinion. She has her legs folded near her head and is fucked, and is also dominated with Jules mounting her and providing rough anal as she fingers herself and moans on the verge of screams. Jules makes great use of her ass as she rides him and then finishes with Miko talking to him.

Odds & Ends

Audio/Visuals:

The video is often very crisp with bold colors and bright (sometimes too bright) settings where our scenes take place. Jordan's film is in full screen that actually works to its advantage, and even during the jittery shakes and sloppy zoom in shots, the picture quality is still damn good. As for the sound, some of the conversations can't be really heard until you actually turn up your volume, and then you're forced to turn it down again when the action starts. In spite of some incoherent dialogue, the fucking comes in loud and clear with the moans and groans all at top decibals.

Goodies:

This package attempts to be as interactive as possible for reasons still unknown. I guess since it pegs itself as an interactive porn experience, it basically gives us different attempts to feel like we're controlling the action. So we have Popshots On Demand in which we can just cut right to the cumming, or we can simply get to the different segments and choose which option we want from a list of things like Cum, Fuck, Oral, etc. It's an interesting feature, but one that doesn't completely make me feel like I'm a part of the action, but I guess for those who don't feel like fast forwarding to certain parts, it will be a good chance to control it to your liking. There are also the simple advertisements for sex hotlines, that are never a fun extra. At least for me.

After Thought:

My suggestion? Watch Charmane Star's segment, fast forward through Marcella's, and move on to the rest of the compilation which isn't that bad at all. The women here look great, they're awfully sexy, and never fail to please. "Miso Horny" is hit or miss, with extras that basically recycle the film in "interactive" form for the fetish crowd, and really offers up nothing more beyond that in the way of extras. I'd suggest rent it but for what it offers, 12.95 is a completely appropriate price tag. If you can get it for less used, then approach that route. Anything beyond the MSRP and you're getting robbed.


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