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Blowjob Ninjas 2


Studio: Bang Bros » Review by Alexander » Review Date: 10/7/07



XCritic's Advice: Skip It

Cast: Flower Tucci, Gianna, Jamie, Lindsay, Sativa Rose, Elexia, and Mahlia

Length: 1:02:00

First Impressions: Don't be fooled by the title, Blowjob Ninjas. While there is copious amounts of cock swallowing on the disc, there's nary a ninja to be found.  Sad.  Anyway, the formula: Girl answers random questions from the director. Girl strips.  Girl kneels and sucks the director's cock.  Girl gets a load of semen either a.) blasted onto her face or b.) dribbling weakly over her fingers. Girl waves to the camera. Repeat.  "Variety" from scene to scene amounts to the shape of the director's cock, the number of stretch marks on each girl's tits and ass, and the amount of razor burn on their crotches.  The lone bright spot: scene five, which features the beautiful, tight-bodied and refreshingly confident, able pro Sativa Rose.               

Special Features: There is nothing special about these "features." The only extra item on the disc are 11 trailers for other Bang Bros. flicks and a gallery of mostly blurry or slightly pixelated stills ripped from the scenes themselves. 

Audio/Visual Quality: The audio is presented in 2.0 digital stereo and is suitable for a video that amounts to chicks sucking a guy's cock in a closet and furniture-free office.  Video-wise, since these scenes are largely culled from the Bang Bros. website, they suffer from occasional blurring (primarily during aggressive stroking), washed out visuals, soft edges, and minor pixelation.  Production values on this disc are next to nil.        

Scene 1 (Flower Tucci; Length: 7:50): This is the girl that won an AVN award for  Flower's Squirt Shower #2 in 2006.  The same girl that looks porn star-hot on her personal site? The one that fellow XCritic reviewer Don Houston calls "the most appealing gal on the so-called 'squirt circuit' of porn"? No fucking way.  In this scene, we're treated to the spectacle of Flower vigorously shaking her stretchmark- and cellulite-laden butt just inches from the camera.  The skin wobbles and undulates and it looks like a band of small animals dug their claws into her ass and pulled and pulled, leaving behind deep rivulets of damaged flesh.  It's all very...awful, really.  And it only gets worse when she pries her asshole apart for a glimpse into her dark hole.  The blowjob isn't much better, with J.T.'s cock only semi-rigid for most of the action, gobs and gobs of spit slathered on his knob, and some poor filming with the camera too-often panning up, leaving us with shots of the top of Flower's noggin and not much else. A horrible scene.   

Scene 2 (Gianna; Length: 10:05): This second scene also takes place in a closet.  Really. A closet.  Gianna, while sort of cute, has gigantic tits which look fantastic while nearly bursting out of her bra, but look not-so-fantastic when swinging like fatty pendulums beneath her chest, revealing swaths of unfortunate stretch marks.  Anyway, striptease over, Gianna proceeds to suck on, tug, and titty fuck the director before welcoming a super-sized batch of cum on her stomach.

Scene 3 (Jamie; Length: 8:25): Jamie looks really cute in her belly baring white sweatsuit, but I really wish she would have kept the damn thing on while handling the director Preston P.'s bulbous worm.  She does have a cute body, mind you, but like the other girls in this video, it's distractingly marred by lots and lots of razor burn and ass acne.  Nothing kills an erection like close-ups of bad skin on a 42" HDTV.  Anyway, Jamie spends the first 4:13 of the scene stripping and doesn't even get Preston's Tremors-like cock in her hand until the five minute mark.  Cock sucking and pulling ensue.  It's a decent effort, but nowhere near blowjob ninja material.      

Scene 4 (Lindsay; Length: 12:52): Lindsay looks very much like Meadow Soprano, albeit a Meadow Soprano that can swallow a cock to its base. And that's pretty much the best thing I can say about this very dull scene.  Meadow, er, Lindsay strips, deep throats a cock and...yeah, that's about it.  An instantly forgettable segment.  

Scene 5 (Sativa Rose; Length: 8:38): I have no idea how gorgeous, perfect-bodied Latina Sativa ended up on this abysmal DVD.  She makes the rest of the cast look like bumbling n00bs. She's hot, playful (at one point, she gives J.T.'s cock a few hard slaps), confident, and an obvious pro at this cock sucking business. To give you an idea of how hot Sativa is: I was erection-free for the first 40 minutes of this DVD, then jerked off twice to this scene. Ninja, indeed!                

Scene 6 (Elexia and Mahlia; Length: 11:44): The two girls are pretty cute, but there is absolutely no chemistry between the two, and with director Spencer, in this scene.  Basically, the pair take turns slowly stroking his cock and occasionally sucking it.  But mostly they just kiss it.  Sweet little pecks up and down his shaft.  It's all very polite, un-erotic, and dull.        

Final Thoughts:  It's a shame that such an awesome title (Blowjob Ninja! Ninja that give blowjobs!  How sweet is that?!) was wasted on this short, ugly, quickie Bang Bros. release. And while Sativa's scene is quite hot, it's not nearly enough to salvage the rest of this wreck, nor warrant even a rent.  My advice: Skip it.   



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