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Myplace 3: A Space For Whores

Studio: Greedy Video » Review by Alexander » Review Date: 10/21/07

XCritic's Advice: XCritic Pick

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Genre: Gonzo

Length: 3:35:18

Director: Eli Kayzen

Condoms: No

Cast: Jenna Haze, Katja Kassin, Hillary Scott, Gianna Michaels, Dana DeArmond, Justice Young, Johnny Sins, Mark Wood, Daniel

Non-performing Cast: Brother Love, Freddie, Shel Black

First Impressions: Any time prolific reviewer Don Houston, bestows a "Highly Recommended" rating on a DVD, as he did with the second installment, in the Myplace series, I take notice. So I was fully expecting a well-filmed, funny, and ultra-hot take on the popular social networking site. 

Audio/Visual Quality: The video is presented in full screen. The colors are sharp, the visuals are crisp, and the entire disc looked pretty damn flawless on my monitors.  And despite the wide variety of settings (well, different rooms in different homes, anyway) with varying light sources, there were very few shadows to mar or obscure the action. The audio is Dolby Digital 2.0 and the sounds--from the moans, screams, slaps, and Kayzen's pervasive giggling--were sharp and clear.  The only flaw: It was sometimes difficult to hear the people if they were forced to talk from across the room.  A minor criticism, however, and one you probably won't even notice.

Special FeaturesMyplace 3 has one of the best designed and most inventive menus I've ever seen in an adult DVD.  It's super easy to navigate and looks exactly like the default Myspace personal pages, including nifty replicas of the bulletin bar and the "top friends," "your network," and contact boxes.  And it's not all for show either. Most of the buttons are functional and pull up different areas of the main page.  For example, clicking the bulletin link takes us to the bottom of the page where we can select from 10 "bulletins," which are really links to very entertaining BTS segments and gag reels. (The highlights: Johnny Sins jumping off the roof of his house and into the pool, and Gianna's witty response to Eli's question about people setting up fake Gianna Myspace accounts.)  The menu is made even more appealing with a great, very Blink-182-esque rock track. Rounding out the extras is a single trailer (for Busty College Coeds 4) and a photo gallery (3:43). Excellent stuff.

Scene 1 (Dana DeArmond and Justice Young; Length: 42:39): I won't beat around the bush: this scene is fantastic.  From the very slick, well-edited introduction set to another excellent rock track (and quite a bit of humor), to the funny, relaxed banter of the guys, to the variety and intensity of the sex, to gorgeous Dana, this segment is one of the most entertaining I've seen recently.  Basically, director Kayzen, Justice Young, and production assistant guy/Friend of Kayzen are chillin' on the patio, grilling carne asada, drinking Coronas, and having a pretty good time as they await the arrival of Dana. And when she does arrive, the playfulness between the group continues.  Dana wrestles, gets ribbed about the star-struck emails she gets on Myspace (she actually logs into her account on camera, providing us a glimpse of the flood of messages she gets from fans), signs her release form (!), and good-naturedly hangs out with the guys. She's gorgeous, but she's also witty, charming, and obviously a whole lot of fun to hang out with. 

Eventually, Dana and Young make their way to the over-sized couch and engage in a whole host of hot shit, including blow jobs, deep throating, gagging, dick slapping, spooning, missionary, doggie, reverse cowgirl, mouth fucking, and, ultimately, a bit of cum gargling.  The two stars are hot, but what makes this scene a success is the apparent fun the pair have during the marathon session.  (Testament to the relaxed atmosphere Kayzen establishes on the "set" and the easy rapport he has with his stars.)  Dana is energetic, sometimes silly, and a perfect partner for Young, whose cock gets quite the workout here.

Although a big chunk of this scene is sex-free, it's worth watching in its entirety. You won't be disappointed by the banter (usually pointless and unfunny in adult films, but actually pretty humorous here), you'll become even bigger fans of the cast, and you'll undoubtedly stroke off, oh, a couple dozen times before volume four of my new favorite series hits the shelves.

Scene 2 (Hillary Scott and Daniel; Length: 42:42): The premise of this scene is a little like the first.  Kayzen and his boys recruit--via Myspace--another hot starlet (although on a lark this time as they don't think she'll actually agree).  We're privy to Hillary's response ("Let's hang out today! Sounds like fun. Just text me the address.") and Kayzen's cute reaction to the confirmation ("I can't wait to meet her. When she comes in, I'm going to ask her if I can just...smell her.  'I just want to smell your neck.' Then I'll go into the bathroom and jerk off a little bit." Hee!) So, contact is made via text, and the guys--to kill a little time--surf Hillary's page some more, play Karate Champ and foosball, and await the arrival of Hillary. Within minutes, Daniel and Shel Black arrive, and Kayzen asks if Daniel will be willing to film a scene with Hillary.  He's caught off guard and claims he doesn't know who Scott is (wink, wink), but ultimately agrees (Duh!).

We're nine minutes in now and Hillary arrives at the front door.  She's smokin' hot and casual in a denim mini, flip flops, huge shades, and camo sweatshirt jacket.  Kayzen's reaction is quite hilarious--he nearly drops the camera in his excitement and at one point has to touch her knee and arm and shoulder just to make sure she's real. Yes, it's a little over-the-top and the critic in me doesn't wholly believe that industry vet Kayzen and his pals are that enamored of porn stars, even one of Scott's stature, but his enthusiasm is infectious regardless and it's hard not to laugh at some of the random shit that comes out of his mouth.

13 minutes in we finally get a little action with Daniel grabbing Hillary's tits from behind. It doesn't take long before she's on her knees, cock in hand, primed to give Daniel a hot blow job.  What follows is intense, hot, and I challenge you (yes, YOU!) to not jerk off to climx to each of the awesome positions these two enjoy.  We get some missionary, deep throating (lots and lots of spit here), a little cowgirl, another blowjob, reverse c.g., blowjob (again!), anal reverse c.g., more cock sucking, anal doggie, cock swallowing, anal missionary-style, and finally (whew!) Daniel stroking his cock until he cums on Hillary's mounth, chin, and beautiful tits.  It's all super fucking hot and fun and on par with the first great scene.  

The scene concludes with Hillary leaving, and the dudes congratulating Daniel on hs prowess and conquest.  This final bit could easily have come across as cheesy and juvenile, but the guys have such an easy and aw-shucks way about them that you can't help but want to share in their jubilation. 

Scene 3 (Gianna and Johnny Sins; Length: 42:30): Like scene two, Kayzen and his crew (Brother Love and the ever-present Freddie) attempt to get yet another adult star to their Qee Bear-filled pad.  They scoll through a seemingly infinite number of Giannas until they finally find ("one fucken hour later"), big-breasted adult star Gianna Michaels.  They write her a cheese-filled email entitled "Romantic Walk On the Beach" and, wouldn't you know it, "three hours later" she responds.  Our guys, it seems, have reeled in another gorgeous starlet to film.  But, Gianna plays a little hard to get and the boys are forced to head to her place this time.

Cut to Gianna's house. They knock, she opens, and wow...Gianna's tits are fucking gigantic.  I mean, they're really, really big. The five (Sins has joined the bunch) get silly for a bit (the guys have all taken their pants off at this point) before we're invited into Gianna's house.

Cut to Gianna writhing around sexily on a pool table while Freddie, Love, and Kayzen--all sans pants--ogle the beauty (while Sins, shirtless and fucking ripped, stands confidently to the side).  There's a few more minutes of playful banter before Gianna undoes her bikini top and unleashes her mammoth tits.  She shakes 'em, she rubs them in Freddie's face, and bounces them up and down per Kayzen's request. (For what it's worth, Kayzen has a tendency to say "Oh, shit!" and "Oh my God" a lot. A LOT.  But, as I mentioned earlier, it's exactly what we all would be saying if confronted with Hillary's perfect ass or Gianna's logic-defying boobs.  It's genuine surprise. And it's actually quite refreshing.)     

And so the fucking begins. It's aggressive, rough, loud and varied with equal parts cock sucking, missionary, cowgirl, slapping, reverse cowgirl, bow and arrow, and doggie, with Gianna's hefty jugs swinging back and forth the entire time like those silver balls on office desks that go clack, clack, clack forever and ever. And just when you think the scene might be over, that Sins and Gianna have had enough, they keep going. And going. And going until Sins finally shoots a powerful load onto Gianna's face.  

Awesome scene.  

Scene 4 (Katja Kassin and Johnny Sins; Length: 42:48): We're in Johnny Sins' backyard and Kayzen and Sins are lounging in the pool, hanging out, waiting for Katja and Love to arrive. When the two get there, we're led inside the house where beautiful Katja talks briefly about her Myspace page, which she created herself.  Minutes later, Love, Sins, and Katja are sitting on long couch talking about, well, everything, really.  It's like a sequence in a very dirty, pop-culture reference-free Quentin Tarantino film.  The four talk about pussy lips, rimming, video games, armpit hair, swimsuits, and a host of other random shit.  It's interesting, but this is the first segment in the video that I was hoping to jump straight into the fucking. 

Katja does start stripping, however, and shows off--to the amazement of the guys--her pink, clean pussy, and round, tight ass. ( Her cunt really is a revelation in its perfect pink-ness and shape.  None of the mangled, meaty lips of many other girls in the adult film world.) Finally, she makes her move on Sins, helping him remove his board shorts and pulling his ultra-long cock into her mouth.  Some very hot deep throating, cowgirl, blow jobs, aggressive and deep reverse c.g. anal, missionary anal, doggie, and doggie anal follow. Katja obviously loves Sins long rod.  Just when I thought the scene was to finish, our East German hottie walks into Sins' dining room to get pounded some more, this time while leaning against the dining room table. Sins pummels her from behind until she takes his cock into her mouth one last time and sucks and strokes him to climax. 

This scene has the weakest set-up (as if the guy's ran out of creative steam with scene three's very wild rendevouz with Gianna), and the least funny dialogue, but the sex is amazing and the two leads are ultra hot.  While not as entertaining as the first two hours (yes, by the end of this scene, we're almost three hours in), it's still a stroke-worthy scene and merits repeat viewings (if only to marvel at gorgeous Katja and her flawless pink pussy). 

Scene 5 (Jenna Haze and Mark Wood; Length: 43:43): I just finished reviewing a movie that had loaded the two best scenes into the front (a common practice, apparently) leaving me with a good hours worth of subpar porn to slog through.  Imagine how nice it was then to discover that the last scene on this already excellent disc features one of the industry's hottest performers, Jenna Haze. JENNA HAZE!  

The set-up is short: Freddie (rockin' a sweet Captain America t-shirt) and Kayzen arrive at Mark Wood's pad.  Like the previous four scenes, there's plenty of banter and giggling among the guys.  This time, Kayzen had nothing to do with securing a starlet, however.  Woods and Black, apparently, have lured Jenna over with the promise of a party. Cut to Jenna arriving and my cock getting instantly hard.  She's at her best here, with a belly baring top and a spaghetti strap sliding off her tanned shoulder revealing the entire right half of her bra. It's beyond hot, really.

The group proceeds to joke arond a bit, with Jenna requesting Kayzen's wallet at one point and pulling out a couple of hundred bucks in payment for a glimps of her breasts. (It's funnier than it sounds. Really.)

Finally, we're treated to some action.  Jenna peels off Wood's jeans and begins to slowly lick and swallow his unit.  After a couple minutes of this, Jenna stands and pulls off her own jeans, revealing a perfect, round ass. What follows: another hot, sloppy blowjob; Wood eating Jenna out as she stands over him on the couch; a cowgirl segment in which Jenna turns to Kayzen and asks if he likes watching his friends "get fucked like this," and he hilariously responds, "By hot girls like you? Yes."; doggie; and reverse cowgirl anal with a vibrator. The scene culminates in Jenna stroking Wood's rod until he leaks a little load onto Jenna's waiting tongue. 

Final Thoughts: Three and a half hours. Five stunning girls (Jenna. HAZE!). Well filmed sex. Some legitimately funny dialogue and scenarios.  An interesting premise that puts a sexy spin on the Myspace phenomenon. A great looking menu. A host of funny extras.  All of that? Yeah, adds up to one of the best discs--and best buys--on the shelves today.  An XCritic Pick for sure.     



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