XCritc.com Adult DVD Reviews
Popular Searches:
Porn Reviews » Adult Movie Reviews » Seasoned Players

Seasoned Players

Studio: Tom Byron Pictures » Review by Disco Dirge » Review Date: 11/3/07

XCritic's Advice: Highly Recommended

Genre: Straight Feature/MILF
Director: Tom Byron
Cast: Veronica Rayne, Cheyenne Hunter, Lisa Sparxxx, Angelica Sin, Kendra Secrets, Tom Byron
Length: 119 min
Production Date: 2007
In a Nutshell – Well Done All Around
Treating the title as part talk show, part fuck-a-thon, Byron’s 1.33:1 full screen image is excellent. The colors are expertly controlled, and the flesh tones really deliver – especially when the actors are slicked with sweat. The backdrops are basic and we get some exterior interference during the Q&A material, but for the most part, this is professional looking porn. As for sound, it’s hard to fuck up direct to mic recording. The interviews are aurally secure, and when we get to the actual hardcore, the sex noises are captured in perfect auditory excellence. Overall, this is a great DVD from a tech spec position.  
In a Nutshell – Nothing But the Industry Standard, Unfortunately
Giving us an onscreen option to go straight to the pop shot, Seasoned Players really offers nothing else in the way of added value. Such a remote control gimmick is fun, but when compared to a bonus scene, behind the scenes documentary, or solo gal masturbation featurette, it seems a little lame. The rest of the so called extra content – galleries, internet info, trailers – is bare bones digital packaging, standard for the adult industry. It fails to deliver much contextual bang for your XXX buck.
Condoms: No

First Impressions:
This is either the biggest vanity project an aging porn star can create for himself, or the nicest compliment one old school smut actor can pay to his now aging female accomplices. Though he claims it’s a MILF title (and more than one of these actresses admits to having kids), what Seasoned Players actually represents is a chance for younger XXX fans to see some familiar faces – and other interesting physical elements – from women who were making porn before their parents even met. Treating each one with respect and warmth, Byron lets them discuss their career, their age, and their love of sex. There is never a false note exchanged, a moment when we think the performer is faking so she can get another adult industry paycheck. Instead, the scenes play like a couple of old friends getting together for some good conversation and even better fucking. It helps us get comfortable with the wrinkle, weight, and other age issues that will eventually be involved.
The Sex Scenes:

-- sponsored by --

Bryon’s style can best be described as go for broke balling. He’s retro without forgetting the post-millennial allure of pornography. We do get lots of foreplay and passion, but once cock hits crack, this meat master is taking no prisons. Luckily, in at least four of the five cases, he has ladies ready to take his tool and work it like a lewd longshoreman. This is what experience, professionalism, and talent will get you. On the other hand a few of these actresses will test the tolerances of those porn aficionados that prefer their stars plastic and fashion model fantastic. A couple of Byron’s compadres are quite zaftig, while a few have wrinkles and other ‘character’ value to their look. Oddly enough, all of these factors work together to make Seasoned Players a unique and – ultimately - very exciting experience.
Scene 1: Veronica Rayne, Tom Byron
Acts Performed: Foreplay, Salad Tossing, Blow Job, Cowgirl, Anal Mish, Anal Spoon, Anal Cowgirl, Tit Fucking, $hot on Tits
Score: 3 out of 5

Starting out smoking and never looking back, Veronica and Tom argue for the ability of porn performers past to connect with obvious and evident chemistry. When they kiss, you feel the passion. When they fuck, it’s like watching actual lovers. Since the big push for this title is the cover art claim Of “All MILFS, All Anal” it’s obvious that Seasoned Players intends to deliver heaping helpings of hinder. And we do get some dramatic dumper action. Though in his late 40s, Byron can definitely provide the pork, and his partners have absolutely no problem accommodating his wang. As an example of this veteran as a director and a diddler, Byron triumphs – and his mature mates aren’t half bad either.
Scene 2: Cheyenne Hunter, Tom Byron
Acts Performed: Blow Job, Ball Sucking, Cunnilingus, Cowgirl, Anal Mish, Anal Doggy, Gaping, Anal Reverse Cowgirl, $hot on Face
Score: 3 out of 5

Thanks to an unfortunate nose job – or a physical fluke – Cheyenne is not as fetching as she once was. But when it comes to carnality, who gives a solid shit. This gal can SCREW! XXX must be like riding a bicycle for the wantonly weathered pro. She gives back everything that Bryon offers and then some. When he’s working her ass, you sense her rectum returning the favor. This is some hot and steamy stuff, hampered only by the lack of any real diversity in the action. Once prick hits pooper, the shots are all the same. Even the gaping feels less than enticing. Still, when it wants to, this scene really sizzles.

Scene 3:
Lisa Sparxxx, Tom Byron
Acts Performed: Blow Job, Ball Sucking, Tit Fucking, Salad Tossing, Doggy, Cowgirl, Anal Mish, Anal Doggy, Anal Cowgirl, $hot on Face with Oral Clean-up
Score: 3.5 out of 5
With wonderfully floppy real tits (big and bodacious, just how the Dirge likes ‘em) and an ass that just won’t quit, Lisa is one wood inducing wonder. Before Tom gets his bone in her butt, we are already stiff with straight sex pleasures. This is a slightly hefty lass who’s more than comfortable with her carcass. She enjoys having her jugs jiggled, and when Bryon finally taps her tushy, the amount of XXX heat we experience is out of this world. Again, a little more variety in the vice and we’d have one of the classic scenes in the history of older actors. Even though she’s considered outside the current industry norm, Ms. Sparxxx could show these lifeless post-modern skanks a thing or two.
Scene 4: Angelica Sin, Tom Byron
Acts Performed: Foreplay, Blow Job, Ball Sucking, Salad Tossing (Male), Anal Fingering (Male), 69, Mish, Anal Doggy, Gaping, Anal Mish, Anal Reverse Cowgirl, Tit Fucking, V to M, $hot on Face with Oral Clean-up
Score: 4 out of 5

Aye Chihuahua!Better buy some major sunblock before dialing up this fiery sequence of suck and fuck. Somewhere along the five conversations, Byron jokes that he doesn’t mind a little butt play himself. Angelica is more than happy to oblige. After tonguing his bottom for all its worth, she sucks his cock while fingering his sphincter. Even for those smut fans who don’t like seeing men manipulated so, one would be hard pressed to deny Ms. Sin a chance to pop their anal cherry. And then the scene gets better. The guy on gal anal action is fantastic – arousing without being overly aggressive. And this couple really connects. You can tell our gal loves working with Tom and the feeling is more than mutual. Clearly, the best scene in the set, this is a perfect example of how the old school readily rocks the novice new breed.
Scene 5: Kendra Secrets, Tom Byron
Acts Performed: Foreplay, Ass Play, Cunnilingus, Blow Job, Ball Sucking, Cowgirl, Anal Mish, Anal Doggy, Anal Cowgirl, Anal Reverse Cowgirl, $hot on Face with Oral Clean-up
Score: 2.5out of 5

While it’s hard to see how Ms. Secrets’ 20-something façade mandates a MILF classification, this is not the only thing confusing about this scene. Unlike her older cast mates, there is something strangely robotic about Kendra. Even though she’s only been in the business ‘a couple months’ (her words), she performs like someone whose mastered all the middling motions. The anal also feels rote – a sequence of four positions and then a pop. For the first time in the entire Seasoned Players pantheon, Byron actually looks like he’s working. With the other hotties featured, he synced up so well it appeared as if he was on an erotic vacation. With this babe, however, it’s just a job.
Disco Dirge Peter Meter Rating: 3.5 out of 5 (Highly Recommended)
Cohabitation Certification: Granted

Since he shares the same birth year as the man behind and in front of the camera, The Dirge has nothing but respect for what Tom Byron does in Seasoned Players – and it has nothing to do with the ability to stay hard for 20 sex filled minutes. No, what the filmmaker/actor has accomplished here is something quite special – a hardcore porn title that doesn’t rely on waif like sluts or Pro-Am gratuity to get its point across. This is the perfect marital aid for couples who are seeing the back end of their formative fuck/suck years. Therefore, a Cohabitation Certification is more or less mandatory. Hats off to all the actresses featured as part of Seasoned Players. Unafraid to show their age, their various body issues, and lack of clique culture acceptability, they prove one fast and hard fact – when it comes to balling, these babes are experienced and electrifying. Suddenly, pushing 40 (or 50) doesn’t seem so bad after all.

comments powered by Disqus
Popular Reviews

The Preacher's Daughter
Lisa Ann Back 4 More
My DP Vol. 4
Pirates 2 Stagnetti's Revenge
Hookup Hotshot Sex Tapes Vol 1
Angela Volume Three
Gangbang Creampie: Spunk'd Spinners
I Love My Mom's Big Tits 5
Anal Newbies #7
The Set Up

Featured Reviews

Get XCritic Via Email:

Enter your email address:

Delivered by FeedBurner