Cast: Suzie Diamond, Honey Manko, Regina Ice, Lady Mai, Lucy Belle, Claudia Adams, Jessica Girl, Omar Galanti, Mike Angelo
First Impressions: The DVD cover is appropriately B-movie action-ish with a bevy of hot chicks stiffly posing with an array of automatic weapons. That, and the so-early-'90s title hold a lot of appeal for a fan of shot-on-the-cheap action fare like Red Scorpion and Best of the Best 3, like myself. It really does exude a midnight-on-USA vibe. But withdouble penetration.
Extras: Included on this DVD are five trailers (Sluts of the Caribbean, Porn in the City, Ibiza Sex Party 3, Girl Girl Studio 4, and The Private Life of Suzie Diamond); a "Girl Profile" link that lists the nationality (mostly European, for what it's worth), birth sign, age, and filmography of each star; and a really entertaining 23 minute behind the scenes feature. We're treated to girl interviews, on-set hijinx, blocking, set design, make-up, direction, still photography, and a host of other production details If you're at all interested in the production side of porn--its nuts and bolts, so to speak--then this fun, well-edited segment is a must-watch.
Audio/Visual Quality: The audio is presented in standard Dolby Digital 2.0. The dialogue is a little loud at times, but it's clear enough for us to easily decipher the heavy accented English of the performers. Naturally, given the girls-with-guns in the Balkans storyline, there are a ton of sound effects, ranging from the typical-to-porn sloshing of wet pussies, to the constant drone of machine gun fire and even helicopter blades (but alas, no helicopters). And while the effects are not on par with say, those of Apocalypse Now, they're no worse than what you'll find in a B-movie war flick like Uncommon Valor. And the film looks OK. The editing is a little (okay, a lot) choppy at times, but the scenes are well framed, interesting, and generally colorful. And aside from the over abundance of shaky cam and jump cuts, my only other gripe about PQ is the shoddy lighting in the first couple of sex scenes. It's almost as if some of the interior shots were lit with a powerful flashlight, with the center of the frame brightly lit, with shadows at the frame's edges.
Five languages and three subtitle options
"Somewhere in the heart of the Balkans during the war." And thus begins Mafia Girlz, a confusing blend of Eastern European dudes, the war in the Balkans, hot chicks with heavy weapons, baronesses and creepily masked "monarchs," castle ruins, and dialogue that even B-movie queen Adrienne Barbeau would be too embarassed to utter.
The movie begins with "Irina," left, fleeing a Balkan army, led by the
-- sponsored by --
nightmare inducing baddie/Dad, "Igor," on the right.
There's a little exposition (something about whip-wielding Balkan monarchs, baronesses, wedding parties, and the war in the Balkans), and a pretty cool chase sequence as Honey (as Irina Tormanovic) tries to outrun a few poorly costumed soldiers (who look like ragged, jungle-dwelling Columbian rebels). She doesn't get far before she's apprehended and we cut to the ruins of a castle (villa?) on a ridge. It's here that we find a wedding party occurring. And it's here that we're treated to our first sex scene. (I'll spare you the rest of the plot details. But in short, Gregorii disposes of scary Dad in a violent power grab. Then fucks most of the chicks visiting his estate.)
Scene 1: Gregorii Tormanovic (played by Omar Galenti) enters and goes right to work on Suzie Diamond's Maria Pia Sparango. He eats her pussy, fingers her a little, then rams his long cock into her throat. She's lying on the table, head dangling over the edge to give the power and pussy hungry Gregorii an ideal angle for some deep, deep throat fucking. Did I say deep? Seriously, his rod worms its way so far into her throat, we can see a bulge just north of the middle of Suzie's neck. Hot! Some sex follows, including bouts of missionary, doggie, and teabagging, until Galenti places a red sheer scarf over Suzie's face and shoots a load onto it. Weird, and there is some awkward cutting from position to position, but it's pretty damn sexy nonetheless.
Galenti, just minutes before ramming his
cock deep into Suzie's throat.
Scene 2: A pet peeve: ADD-afflicted editors. This scene, despite featuring one of the hottest girls on the disc in Asian Lady Mai, is a jumbled mess of jump cuts, poor lighting, and poorly framed fucking. Had X-off just left this damn scene alone and not cut out chunks of the action literally every couple of seconds, then this segment might have been the most stroke-worthy on the DVD. But it sort of plays like this: deep throa...CUT!...teabaggi...CUT!...doggie-sty...CUT!...bow and ar...CUT!...double penetr...CUT! It's frustrating, moreso because lost amidst this flurry of jump cuts is some obviously steamy fucking by a trio of great looking performers.
Scene 3: This scene is basically filler and doesn't advance the plot at all. A suited Prince of Palermo (Nick Moreno) arrives on a sentry-guarded and camouflaged balcony with two smokin' hot babes on his arms--the Baroness of Danube (Jessica Girl) and the Duchess of Bohemia (Claudia Adams). Naturally, the baroness strips and starts pouring champagne over her tits while the duchess removes the prince's cock from his trousers and blows him. The duchess pulls rank here and gets 100% of the action (reverse cowgirl, doggie, cowgirl) while the baroness is forced to lick the muzzle of an M-16, rub her clit and finger fuck herself. This hot, well-lit, and adequately edited segment culminates in Moreno shooting his seed into Claudia's mouth, then reclining, satisfied, before the pair happily blast him with their rifles.
The baroness, at left, entertains herself, before the pair of royalty
go all gangsta on the unlucky prince.
Plot Stuff: So Irina is sitting on her bed looking really morose and we catch a glimpse of Maria spying in the background. Irina, bare-breasted and quite the bad-ass, pulls out a knife just in time and wrestles Maria to the bed. But instead of slashing her throat for being such a fucking bitch, she stares longingly into her eyes. Disappointingly, this bit goes nowhere and we cut to Gregorii's men frolicking in the fields with a half dozen naked chicks. Gregorii, late to arrive, frolics, too, while we get flashes of the camo-clad rebel army advancing in the tree line.
Irina foils an assassination attempt, while nude. And frolicking in the fields.
Scene 4: Like the previous scene, there's absolutely no context here. We cut from the nude dancing in the field to a bedroom in the estate where we meet Lady Mai and Jessica Girl again. They take turns going to work on the baron or duke or whatever the fuck he is, each getting fucked cowgirl-style while the other either gets eaten or fingers her pussy. Despite the lack of variety (some deep throating, dual cock sucking, spooning, and cowgirl), and a soft image, the trio is energetic, sweaty, and hot. This scene is certainly worthy of repeat viewings.
A minute's worth of more plot nonsense.
Scene 5: More context-less sex! This time, Suzie and Jessica engage in some hot girl-on-girl action while Gregorii and his compatriot observe from armchairs a few feet away. Lucy and Jessica--both blessed with flawless tight bodies--absolutely devour each other. They kiss, finger fuck, 69, and bury their faces in each other's cunts. Not surprisingly, the two dudes get naked in a hurry and join in on the fun. Some pretty awesome fucking follows, highlighted by the double penetrating of Jessica who happily absorbs both large cocks into her tight holes. This steamy and well-filmed segment culminates with the dudes shooting their loads onto the girl's bodies. Fantastic scene.
Suzie and Jessica prepare to get it on, while Galanti (temporarily)
More Plot Stuff: Cut to a black and white scene of Jessica hitting something with a pickaxe. I guess we're supposed to assume that she's slaughtering either Suzie or one of the dude's that had his cock in her asshole. Regardless, it's confusing and bloodless depite the dozen or so whacks she takes. Cut to Honey sitting in a clearing in the woods, bound and with a hood over her noggin. Enter camouflaged baddie who holds his gun to her head. She rambles on about something plot-related which I couldn't quite hear because at this point I'm watching the action unfold to Pennywise on my iPod. Cut to...
Despite the film's shortcomings and lack of budget,
there are some striking visuals.
Scene 6: Lucy Belle and Regina Ice are frolicking in an indoor swimming pool when Galenti/Gregorii enters, nude except for his brown leather shoulder holster. Standard b/g/g action ensues, with the pair of girls taking turns getting fingered, fucked (anally and vaginally), and sucking cock. The highlight--depending on your taste meter--is Galenti's rubbing the girls' twats with the barrel of his handgun. About a dozen minutes of aggressive and hard-on-inducing fucking later, Galenti unloads on one of the girl's aviator shades.
Deneoument: I won't spoil the last few minutes of the film for you, but I was impressed with the filming of the final battle and the resolution of the movie. It does get a little frenetic at times as the editors had to mask the fact that there probably weren't even blanks fired on set and squibs were well beyond the production's budget. Not a drop of blood until the last few seconds, believe it or not. But it works, and as I mentioned in my review of the movie's sound, it's not that far in quality from some of the mainstream action straight-to-DVD crap clogging the New Release shelves at Hollywood Video.
A little misleading? Yeah. The box art promises a girls with guns actioner but instead, the gals--aside from Honey, anyway--are pretty much just fuck toys for the men. Girls actually toting guns amounts to about five minutes of the movie's runtime. And despite the "Sicilian Mafia Girlz" blurb on the back, there's nothing even remotely Sicilian or mafia or girlz-like in the flick.
But I liked it anyway. I liked that the sex was hot and varied and intense. I like that despite the obviously minimal budget, the filmmakers found interesting ways to shoot their story. (Albeit a short one. Lose the sex and the story lasts half hour, tops.) I liked that the girls were gorgeous and I liked the distinctly Euro flavor of the setting, cast, and plot. Perfect? Far from it. But fun? Hell yes.