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Pat Myne is An Assassin 5

Studio: Metro » Review by Don Houston » Review Date: 12/18/07

XCritic's Advice: Watch It Online

Naomi was way too lean here.

Pat Myne is An Assassin 5

FusXion/Metro Interactive

Harmony was ready to have some fun.

Genre: Gonzo

Director: Pat Myne

Lovely Sativa Rose was hot looking.

Cast: Naomi, Steve Holmes, Harmony, Mr. Pete, Sativa Rose, Pat Myne, Liv Wylder, Manuel Ferrara, Jada Fire

Length: 104:25 minutes

Liv Wylder had a charm about her.

Date of Production: 9/1/2006

Extras: The extras were on the light side this time starting off with a photogallery, then a pop shot compilation from the scenes, some spam and trailers, and a true double sided DVD cover. Inside the case was a catalog of titles, many looking really cool but never having shown up here at Xcritic.com, but that was it.

Jada Fire was too dark for the cameraman to light properly.

Condoms: None

Audio/Video Quality: Pat Myne is An Assassin 5 was presented in the usual 1.33:1 ratio full frame color as shot by director Pat Myne for FusXion; a company distributed by Metro Interactive. The settings were bare bone basic which allowed for fair lighting that minimized the grain, video noise, and aliasing of the visual elements. The down side was that there was a lot of need for C-lighting and the shadows got in the way too often; the ladies not lit optimally this time by Pat. The composition of the shots was generally favorable to the ladies for the most part but the almost random editing seemed to distract at times when the camera would zoom in on some blemish or other visually weak moment and be left in the final product. The video bitrate varied considerably but seemed to hover around the mid 7 Mbps mark, few compression artifacts observed and the overall impression given to be favorable. The audio was presented in a 2.0 Dolby Digital English using the 192 Kbps standard, the vocals showing no separation but the minimalist opening music giving the slight impression that it did matter to someone to add in some headspace. The dynamic range was otherwise kind of limited but this being gonzo porn, I really did not expect a whole lot in that regard.

-- sponsored by --

Body of Review: Pat Myne was once the “every man” male performer in porn that took on the persona of a good guy lucky enough to score the hottest gals in scenes shot for a wide variety of companies. A number of years back, he branched out into directing porn under a few aliases with much of his better work made for FusXion; a hardcore gonzo subsidiary of Metro. I’m not sure what happened to the company but their marketing fell off the map and many people, reviewers and consumers alike, might be surprised to know that this line continues; interesting to me since I rarely see one of their screeners even having sung the praises of the Pat and his peers many times in the past. The most recent release of theirs making it to me was Pat Myne is An Assassin 5, a series I picked up years ago with Pat Myne is An Assassin 1. The idea of the action is that Pat and his friends get to nail hot ladies in the ass, often some of the best skilled gals in the jizz biz. Not knowing how the series has fared after all these years of budget cuts, I graciously accepted the task at hand to explore what the DVD offered, finding it to be much like the older style Pat provided several years back that I liked so much. The cover said it like this: "Adult Video News' Best New Starlet Naomi burns up the screen with her scorching anal-suction powers and her insatiable need for hot cum in her mouth! Gonzo King Pat Myne delivers an all-anal sextravaganza that includes ebony queen Jada Fire as well as Sativa Rose and AVN Male Performer Of The Year Manuel Ferrara."  If you’re still interested, here’s a brief glimpse into the scenes by cast and action, noting that no condoms were worn:

Scene One: Naomi, the lean gal on the front DVD cover, was up first and as a former fan of hers when she had some curves; I was hoping she’d be in an older scene just being released. Alas, this was another scene shot closer to when she bailed out from the industry, having lost so much weight that her perfectly bulbous butt withered away to a large extent; leaving skin & bones by comparison. Still, seeing that she was going to work with Steve Holmes gave me hope that she might find a spark or two between them as in her glory days after some fairly warm tease with toys. The stretched rectum act showed that Pat was still very much involved with the ladies; some detractors hating it when he so actively directs them but at least it shows he cares. Pat’s dirty talk led to Steve’s rough treatment of Naomi, the man slapping her titties and throatfucking her senseless before pounding her pussy to release his first wad of population pudding into her mouth. He continued back into her ass for a second round though, Steve doing most of the work as he ripped up her backdoor. She did ATM well enough and the smaller second load went to her face too but this was far from one of her better scenes so your mileage may vary a whole lot.

Scene Two: Harmony, a blond with a lean body always able to get her freak on in porn, was up next wearing a purple bikini in the living room as she teased silently to the pulsating bubbling of the fish tank. Her entrancing eyes and all natural body looked good here; Harmony masturbating as the camera spent most of the time on her face. That led to Mr. Pete joining her and dumping some oil on her frame, the glistening of her body parts adding some heat to her already fetching display of skill. Her active oral during the blowjob may scare off some of you that hate the noises she made but this added heat as she continued even when Pete was slamming a glass toy inside of her ass. He then tapped her biscuit and did a technical DP; replacing the toy with his dick as he made the move to her ass. The action was turning her on, as expected, and having already sucked the toy clean from her ass, she showed a willingness to do the same with his dick. The anal was not her most active sex act though as she seemed intent on power riding him with her pussy but the scene inexcusably ended before the pop shot; Harmony still greedily attacking his cock with her mouth when it faded away. Argh!

Scene Three: Sativa Rose, a sultry Latina that is another personal favorite of mine, was up next as she showed her body off to the camera that was far too intimate with her (too close) as she walked around the house in her bra. Pat Myne saved her for himself and after both of them did some mighty fine oral on each other, they were bumping uglies like they were on fire. She was an active vaginal rider and while the anal was decidedly weaker, her dirty talk enhanced the moment for me. There really weren’t a lot of variations to report about here though; the red couch serving as the launching pad for their scene together. This was probably the best scene of the movie for technical merits in terms of lighting and camera work, reminding me that Pat can get too “into” his work at times; limiting how well he captures the moment. The up side of this scene was how active she became during the latter portion of the anal ride, maintaining her dirty talk as they fucked (and she sucked him clean). Fans of anal gapes will appreciate her hang time and post coital sucking, marking the scene as a decent romp worth your seed.

Scene Four: Liv Wylder, a very young looking gal with light hair and a huge glass dildo in her hand, was up next as she went to town masturbating and then cleaning the toy orally. She worked the dildo in and out of her meaty labia with some assistance by her spit; Pat coaxing her to go deeper as time went on. Manuel Ferrara joined her after she started warming up her ass with the smaller end of the toy, offering her his cock to suck as she knelt before him. It was a short but messy hummer and Manuel took charge of boning her like he owned her, Liv doing some intermittent oral while he fucked her with the toy to prepare her for the anal he was going to give her. He did most of the work but she embraced him so readily as he did that it added something to the scene all the same. Her oral skills played a continual part in the scene and it was strokable even if I wanted more from him, the scene finishing up with Manuel busting a huge nut on her face.

Scene Five: Jada Fire, a curvy black with few limits, was up last and it is to her credit that she engaged so actively with scene partner Pat Myne this time (after the tease and solo footage). The lighting was off this time as her very dark body was not optimally lit for the light colored walls but her oral was the best of the show. They fucked in her pussy and ass but I was surprised that it took her longer than usual to warm up; the slower anal not up to her better work for rival companies. Her dirty talk was funny as well as heated, causing him to lose his wad earlier than normal in what seemed to be an anal creampie (but it was never shown.

Summary: Pat Myne is An Assassin 5 by director Pat Myne for FusXion was not one of his better works of late and I think the production must have been marred by various issues given the lack of credited meat puppet Mark Wood (who was on the cover and in the credits but not in the show itself; Pat not credited as such and in two full scenes). The technical matters, the extras, and the overall lack of heat weakened this one to the point where I was generous about giving the movie a rating of Rent It but there was some fun to be had; just not a sustainable amount worth seeking this DVD out for unless it is on sale in the bargain racks at your local porn shop. In short, Pat Myne is An Assassin 5, was a far cry from the quality of Pat Myne is An Assassin 1 so rent it first before seeing what the movie has to offer casual porn fans.

You can email me with questions at Houstondon @ hotmail.com if you have any constructive criticism of the review too. :) Also you can follow me on twitter @HoustonDon

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