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Sexual Adventures of Little Red, The

Studio: Private » Review by Disco Dirge » Review Date: 12/24/07

XCritic's Advice: Recommended

Genre: Straight Feature
Director: Louise Moire
Cast: Angel Dark, Claudia Rossi, Jennifer Love, Jessica Sanchez, Keana Moire, Nella, Sara Twain, Silvia Saint, Suzie Diamond, JC Sonogod, Levy Ewil, George Uhl, Cage, Wen Lewis, Neeo, Denis Marti, Ivan Dan
Length: 155 min
Production Date: 2007
In a Nutshell Just Like a Big Screen Hollywood Production
Offered in a colorful yet grainy 2.35:1 anamorphic widescreen image, The Sexual Adventures of Little Red looks just like a legitimate big screen blockbuster. The sets are spectacular in their real life abandoned factory dynamic, and the performers look good, even despite their piss pour personal fashion sense. There is some noticeable noise, especially in the underground scenes, and the lighting is imperfect and sometimes overly dark. Still, this is a great looking movie, especially when you consider most of the captured on camcorder pro-amateur gonzo that gunks up the XXX aisles. On the sound side, some of the cast speak English in their own heavily accented way. Others here are dubbed in dopey sounding Valley-isms. It makes for an unusual aural experience.
In a Nutshell Nothing But the Industry Standard, Unfortunately
Along with a basic Behind the Scenes (glimpses backstage, not much else), we get trailers and talent IDs. Otherwise, the added content here is only fair, failing to really supplement the film, or adding more bang for our bawdy smut buck.
Condoms: No

First Impressions:
Someone needs to inform the Eastern Europeans that huge production values do not necessarily lead to steamy hot XXX action. You can retrofit your movie to fit a standard genre (film noir, horror) or a specific spoof of a cinematic archetype (Star Wars, Sin City) and without appealing players who know a thing or two about tasting tool/twat, the celluloid bombast equals very little. That's clearly the case with The Sexual Adventures of Little Red. Taking the fairytale and updating it in a Run Lola Run/Pulp Fiction like paradigm, what wants to be both erotic and epic is merely interesting if inert. The visuals are quite stunning. Director Moire really knows how to use found locations and out of the way set-ups to sell his sizzle. Unfortunately, the vast majority of the cast looks lost, body art and bizarre hairdos taking the place of personality or passion. We want to buy into the reinvention, enjoying the references to the famous kiddie story. But just as in other ex-Iron Curtain calls, the overall ennui undermines the arousal.
The Sex Scenes:

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With six sequences total, and only two of those being really top notch, it's clear that director Moire is more interested in narrative than nookie. The movie is just overloaded with exposition, so much so that you wonder when the talking will end and the fucking will begin. Even when it does, the girls here all have that vacant, 'who gives a shit' look on their face, the kind of carnal cold shower that makes movies like these a perfect non-aphrodisiac. Granted, Scene 3 and 4 are pretty good, with 2 giving them a real run for their money. But the gal/gal is as dull as Estonian dishwater, and the last two sequences are just plain lame. There's lots of anal, which is a good thing. There's also lots of bad body art, obvious body hair, and a weird pink dreadlock as part of one character's evil personality. It's all a bit surreal, honestly.
Scene 1:4 Girls
Acts Performed:Tit Play, Kissing, Cunnilingus, Toe Play, Ass Play
Score:1out of 5
Like a mediocre men's magazine spread come to life, this foursome, dressed in dopey baby doll fashions and flailing around like excess motion makes same sex hardcore even steamier, really start this film off on the wrong foot. There's just too much posing and not enough pussy pounding. You can really tell that the Sappho experience is foreign to many of these gals, and even when they try to look involved, their true tired feelings regularly show through. It would be nice to think that every porn star is professional enough to really sell a lady on lady licking, but that's clearly not the case here. There's just too much indecisive dramatizing present.
Scene 2:1 Girl, 2 Guys
Acts Performed:Cunnilingus, Dueling Head, Blowjob, Reverse Cowgirl, Doggy, Anal Reverse Cowgirl, DP in the Reverse Cowgirl Mode, DP in the Cowgirl Mode, Gaping, Pussy to Pooper, $hot in Mouth, Oral Clean-up
Score:2out of 5
Now here's a trio that really understands the notion of being naughty. Our more mature looking brunette handles her two hunks like a solid seasoned pro, and the DP is done in an aggressive yet sensual manner (if such a XXX paradigm is possible). The men are rather nondescript, hired for their large uncut cocks and not their ability to hold the screen. In the end, when the cum has flowed and our actress feigns enjoyment of the fetid taste, we're already forgetting the action. Not a good sign when you're making supposed smut. 
Scene 3:1 Girl, 1 Guy
Acts Performed:Foreplay, Blowjob, Cunnilingus, Mish, Spoon, Reverse Cowgirl, Cowgirl, Foot Job, Sitting Cowgirl, $hot on Cunt, Anal Mish, Anal Spoon, A to M, Anal Reverse Cowgirl, $hot in Mouth
Score:4out of 5
Anyone interested in seeing what this title could be need only look at this magnificent solo sequence to understand the power in good onscreen sex done right. This pair, obviously finding a passionate point of common interest among themselves, deliver the kind of hetero humpfest that really gets the juices going. Thanks to the multiple positions, interesting angles, and clear cut heat between the couple, we end up with something guaranteed to give you wood. Its just too bad that the rest of this film couldn't be as fiery. Alas, all we get is the frolicking foursome in the next scene and that's it.
Scene 4:Group Grope
Acts Performed:Blowjob, Cunnilingus, Mish, Cowgirl, Doggy, Anal Spoon, Pile Driver, V to M, Face Fucking, Anal Reverse Cowgirl, Gaping, $hot on Tits, $hot on Mouth
Score:3out of 5
Though orgies often degenerate into indecipherable action inadequately covered by a director unsure of how to capture the carnality, director Moire does a damn fine job of keeping this foursome in frame. The combination of people and positions adds up to some excellent erotica, including a real sense of sexual chemistry. The factory setting adds some interesting ambience, and the various extras futzing about in the background really spice up the situation. After the one two punch of Scenes 3 and 4, it's all downhill from here.
Scene 5:1 Girl, 2 Guys
Acts Performed:Blowjob, Dueling Head, Doggy, Reverse Cowgirl, Anal Cowgirl, DP in the Cowgirl Mode, DP in the Reverse Cowgirl, A to M, V to M, $hot on Cunt, $hot in Mouth
Score:2 out of 5
Even with the presence of what looks like Denis Marti, this is XXX material as going through the motions. There is no connection between the performers, and even the DP feels mechanical and forced. Director Moire does give us enough up close looks at cock going into asshole and pussy that we tend to ignore the vacant stance of the actors, but then we are treated to more fake ardor, and the illegitimacy of everything reemerges. If you want to know the difference between good threesomes and mediocre ones, just compare this scene to the action in #2. The disparity is depressing.
Scene 5:1 Girl, 1 Guy
Acts Performed:Foreplay, Cunnilingus, Blowjob, Doggy, Anal Reverse Cowgirl, Anal Cowgirl, $hot to Mouth
Score:2 out of 5
Here's the problem with this scene in a nutshell - the meat puppet present is simply repulsive. Hairy as hell, overly pierced, and sporting tattoos that look like prison hand-me-downs, he's not sinister, he's sickening. Even worse, his stubbly bald head sprouts a weird, bright pink piece of matted fur that looks like a diseased plant poking out of his skull. It's the height of horrible, and really dampens the possible pornography. No matter what our actress does - she could be gaping the size of Cincinnati and we'd still be focusing on her nauseating partner. Of course, after looking at the limited selection of positions present you realize there are other issues with this sequence beyond someone's lame coiffeur.
Disco Dirge Peter Meter Rating:2.5 out of 5 (Recommended)
Cohabitation Certification:Granted
Clearly creating a critical quandary, The Sexual Adventures of Little Red is a 100% cinematic experience which only offers about 45% potent porn. The rest is merely routine, with at least one actor's poor personal choices marring the moment. Overall, there's more here to like than loathe, therefore making the awarding of a Recommended rating quite realistic. Couples will definitely enjoy the scope and visual flair present, even if the action is uneven and slightly stunted. Still, a Cohabitation Certification is clearly warranted. Having experience both the fancy and the foulest that Eastern Europe has to offer, hardcore wise, it's clear that extravagant doesn't always mean erotic. Instead of big sets and large production values, XXX titles need to concentrate of sex first, spectacle second. Someone needs to remind the makers of The Sexual Adventures of Little Redbefore the inevitable sequel hits these shores.

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