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Punkd Ur Ass

Studio: Pleasure Productions » Review by Saul Good » Review Date: 12/31/07

XCritic's Advice: Watch It Online

Genre: Docu-style/amateur/stunts
Director: Matt Zane

Cast: Tera Wray, Kayla Synz, Jessica Valentino, Holly West, Fat girl
Length: 2 hrs

Production Date: Matt Zane Production, 2007

Scene Selection: With Act Access
Behind the Scenes:  Amusing, but 5 fucking minutes? Seriously?
Cumshot Recap:

     The Audio of the film is 2.0 stereo and has its fair share of hiccups. I had to adjust the volume a few times to catch some of the dialogue and since each scene opens with the start of a stunt, the vocals are somewhat important. The Video, Full Frame Color, is pretty poor. It's docu-style, very much like behind the scenes footage. For most of the stunts and leading into the sex scenes there are harsh shadows and reds. All other times it was clear, but it in general it was pretty lousy.

Body of Review:
     "This movie isn't about guys doing stupid shit for no reason. This movie is about guys doing stupid shit for pussy" Words to live by my friends. The Zane Brothers pull off ridiculous stunts and cause mayhem as comic relief (or for the gross out factor) in between scenes of boning beautiful babes. Somewhat of a Jackass meets Porn, PunkUrAss mixes the two greatest things in the world; stupid men and babes.

-- sponsored by --

Scene 1: Tera Wray
Acts Included: Oral, Vag, PTM, Facial
     Matt Zane, a long, raven-haired, youthful version of Howard Stern, intros the disc. He's planning to suspend himself from hooks at a Dave Navarro concert to promote some of the Zane Brother's other films. The payoff: Tera Wray a sexy broad with black hair and a punkish look. She helms her own camera and goes behind the curtains to find out about the suspension that Matt is going to do. This all could be fairly interesting except that it's very technical and dry. Plus, the video is so dark it's difficult to see what they're talking about. Eventually they begin to hook Matt like a minnow; Dave comes by to watch and interviews Matt as though he's just won the lottery. It's agonizingly slow and nothing we haven't seen others do. Occasionally we catch of glimpse of Tera, in red panties and black tape across her nipples. 20 minutes into the film, back at the hotel, Tera finally bends over the bed and pulls her jeans to her knees. Her caramel, wide ass is perfect and tucked between her golden buns is a sweet chocolate starfish and a pink gap soft as silk. She sucks his dick slowly, actually sucking and pulling in her cheeks around his cock. Everything that works here is in Tera's image which is alternative/punkish to some degree; her fingernails are painted a dark red, her jet black hair, and tattoos. Some may not like this, but she's definitely hot and it's a nice change up from the blondie, good girl type. Matt porks her silky slit and fondles her unnatural breasts. Despite the stunt's rough edge, their boning is actually quite pleasant and sweet. Tera enjoys tasting her pussy through PTMS and gets a good face-fucking from Matt, but the scene never gets nasty. Matt gives her gorgeous mug a healthy glazing of his ball juice and Tera never looked sexier. Tera wins the points for the scene as the stunt and the chaos building up to it is all rather dull. Skip the gabbing, and boring Dave, watch Matt get pierced, and then see Tera do her thing.

Scene 2: Holly West
Acts Included: Oral, Vag, Facial
     Rick Masters has to win a wrestling match with a 200 lb girl in order to bang a hot chick. Mark is the man to make everything happen, and lucky for him, if Rick loses, he gets the goods instead. Holly West is a sultry, rounded gal with nice, soft curves and a cute face. On the other spectrum, Riley Payton's figure struggles in a striped bikini when she breathes. Oiled and horny, Rick grabs Riley by the arms and they wrestle in a kiddie pool that's hardly big enough for Riley. Through a series of edits Riley clearly kicks his ass; but in the last minute Rick pins her on her back for the official win. Whatever, we're moving on to Holly's sweet pale ass her shaved butt hole and tight pussy lips. Holly doesn't seem to want to suck his dick; instead she keeps the head between her lips and strokes his shaft. Not very hot except that she makes noisy love to his tip before moving the rod to her vagine. She rides him wildly, and though her ass is hot, her screams and previous reluctance make the scene hard to get into. She rides him cowgirl for the longest time, holding her cheeks apart to let the sun shine where it doesn't usually. Rick then bends her over the couch and Holly looks lovely from this angle, but the camera repeats his shots and pans so an already bland scene becomes more so. Again, it's the girl's good looks that earn the scene any points. The wrestling match was fun, but not really entertaining, and it's not that far from what most of us do in our own bedrooms--pair him with a 500 pound girl and then you've got a fight. A sad little dribble to Holly's chin closes her scene rather disappointingly.

Scene 3: Jessica Valentino
Acts Included: Oral, Facial
      Jessica is a stunning 18 year old cutie with a petite body and simple, dixie cup breasts. Brandon X is going to wear a g-string and go into public in exchange for a blowjob. Doesn't sound too terrible. Brandon makes it to the streets, wearing only his shoes and a pair of panties. The skivvies are no g-string, but more of a high cut brief. It's not a far stretch from a pair of tighty whities. Brandon runs around, poses for photos, and really does nothing interesting. But who cares; he pulls it off. And then we're back in the van with fresh-faced Jessica stripping to her hairless body. She begins by rubbing her rose and it juices quickly. Other than to see her sweet face wrapped around his white hotdog, her techniques are incredibly dull. Mark squeezes into the back seat too and gets his willy licked. She goes back and forth between the two as best as she can in the cramped floor of the car. Brandon gives a meaty facial that leaves one big glob of goo dangling from Jess's eyebrow. With cum still on her cheeks, Jessica sucks and whacks Mark until he drops a few squiggles on her face. The whole sex-in-the-car thing really hindered the scene and obscured her fine body. Everything is closeup to mouth and dick and the scene itself is dark as it is. I really wanted this to be so much more.

Scene 4: Kayla Sanz
Acts Included: Oral, Vag, Anal, Facial
      Mark is going to go into the ring with a 7 time world winning kick boxer; all for some poon. Hector Pena looks like he pisses jalapeņos. Before Mark has a chance to raise his gloves, Hector knocks him to the mat. Mark gets up and tries a few more times only to be beaten pretty bad. Out of breath and bruised, Mark says fuck it and wants his prize. Kayla Sanz is a sweet faced blonde with terrific gonzagas and nice meaty legs. She has no problem with being the prize for a loser, and happily offers her ass to Mark. And what a fine, full-sized ass it is, smooth and peachy. Kayla is the first to put on a decent oral scene. She lets Mark slip his dick down her throat, dribbling spit off her chin. And she works the camera, looking into the lens with long-lashed eyes. Mark fucks her hairless pussy, but the real deal is porking her bunghole, which looks better than Kayla makes it sound. She can be a drill sergeant at times and Mark shuts her up with a nice wallop of jizz to her lips. An okay scene, not high because of the talent, though the anal tries to compensate--even it is rather boring.

Concluding Words:
     I really wanted to enjoy this disc. I was excited to start it, thinking stupid stunts and hot broads is the perfect combination for a lazy Sunday (next to Mr. Pibb and Red Vines). I still recommend "Shane's World 31, The Life and Times of Drunky the Bear" to my friends as the ultimate guy flick. And while this title had some good elements, the stunts weren't really stunts but silly antics--aside from the guy hanging from hooks. Wrestling a fat chick? Wearing your underwear in public? None of it is very creative. But I have to give it to them; they managed to cough up some pretty hot female talent. And that's the one thing worth checking on this disc. Even though the quality is poor, the sex not that memorable, and the stunts not far from the FX channel, the babes deserve some credit. And perhaps a better agent. I really wanted to recommend this flick, but it just didn't satisfy. Rent It.


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