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Voluptuous Life

Studio: Bad Seed » Review by Guy Incognito » Review Date: 1/8/08

XCritic's Advice: Skip It

Voluptuous Life
Bad Seed
BBW / Fetish Photography

Date of Production: 2/18/06, 4/08/06, 5/06/06, 12/02/06, 12/10/06, 12/14/06, 12/18/06 and 2/23/07

Length: 78 minutes

Cast: April Flores, Kimberly Kane, Peppermint Fatty, EK and FREEda

Director: Carlos Batts

Condoms: None

Special Features: The Special Features run the gamut from a quickie Behind the Scenes look at the production of the DVD. There's a photo gallery that sports April Flores's various looks throughout the DVD. Then there are trailers for other Bad Seed DVDs and a link to web info.

Audio/Video Quality: The A/V Quality was top notch. I didn't notice any major print damage and the sound did a good job of presenting the action. It's just that the way it was shot allows for a lot of cross-color contamination and the action tends to become muddled and dark. Still, it looks and sounds workable.

Scene 1: San Francisco. The first scene introduces us to April Flores, as she starts her erotic adventure in San Francisco. She tosses on a wig and gets ready for a photo shoot for a pro-feminism effort. There's not a whole lot going on, but we get to see April's massive tits throughout the scene.

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Scene 2: Echo Park. The second scene starts quickly after the San Francisco bit, where we watch as April works the stripper pole with a Kat Von D lookalike. The majority of the scene is of the two girls groping and falling on top of each other. There's no real action and it leaves me to wonder if I'm even watching an adult video.

Scene 3: Las Vegas. When April hits Las Vegas, I've begun to wonder if I'm ever going to see any action in this DVD. I love big, beautiful women and I love to watch them fuck. April seems to spend the disc like a performance artist and never does anything. The background changes from scene to scene and I'm left to listen to some horrible techno music in the background. The main draw for this sequence is the leather bondage bit that goes nowhere.

Scene 4: Los Angeles. April gets ready to return home when she arrives in Los Angeles. There's a quick moment of April trying to use a saddle to ride Peppermint Fatty. But, nothing happens. She just sits on the woman's back and has this bizarre look in her eye. Maybe this is what porn is like on Mars or France, but I want to see some goddamn action.

The spanking does nothing for me, as the ladies seem to have no interest in what's going on. I don't watch porn to see bored people. I watch porn to see guys and girls getting the carnal exercise that is the right of every American. This garbage is just dick soup.

Scenes 5 and 6 and 7: Highland Park, Crenshaw and New York. The fifth scene and beyond takes April to Highland Park where she hangs out with a transvestite, the Kat Von D lookalike and hangs out in a bathtub. I just don't care anymore. There's no sex, there's no masturbation and there's no reason to watch. It's like watching a bunch of art school girls take a shit on a plate and then trying to tell you that it's the meaning of life.

I will give one of the final sequences this type of the hat. You actually showed some dildo action and the two girls getting down to do something. But, some clit play and dildo work is a little too late on this DVD. I needed something to keep me interested and you couldn't even do that. For shame, April Flores and Carlos Batts.

Final Thoughts: I hate it and I'm angry that I had to watch it. BBW Porn is never going to find its place in the massive market if we have to deal with some Abstract Meditations on Fucking. Give us a movie or get the hell out of the way.

First, Skinemax.
Then, The Internet.
Eventually, I'll fuck the chick from Tron.

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