Cast: Rory Tonic, Alec Knight, Sascha, Dana DeArmond, Apple McCall, Daniel, Casper Vice, Daniel, Johnny Utah, Andy San Dimas, Jordan Ash, (special appearances by: Stephanie, Jessa Flux, Jamie)
Length: 154:26 minutes
Dana DeArmond's best asset gave Johnny Utah a thrill.
Date of Production: 6/6/2007
Extra's: The best extra from my point of view was the third disc of the set, an audio CD lasting 39:59 minutes, with sixteen cuts of music that should appeal to the Vivid-Alt crowd. The bands included OK Fox, Culture Prophet, The Deaf, Tuff Loves, Manhatten Music Box, and Driver of the Year and at the risk of devaluing the extra for those who think a critic's approval is somehow tied to commercial appeal; only a couple of songs sounded like random noise. As porn music most of it was questionable but as background music for the disenchanted to drink at a bar too; it worked fine. It would have been a lot cooler to have a series of music videos to watch instead of an old fashioned CD but Dana's new to creative endeavors so I'll cut the matron of alt-porn at Vivid some slack. The second disc was interesting in how it had a bunch of Vivid-Alt trailers and three of Dana's video blogs she posted to You-Tube awhile back. The up side to the blogs (that lasted 26:19 minutes) was that they were far clearer looking than the online version but considering how Dana made little apparent attempt to look her best, some fans may prefer to just listen to her mean spirited comments (such as hoping her neighbor dies, admits to being ugly, and otherwise responds to a variety of emails she has received in typical Dana fashion). For the record, any of her video blogs showed more creativity than the entire movie so if she could figure out a way to make them pay, she'd be on the right track to cashing in on them. I also liked the 26:53 minute long Behind the Scenes feature (despite some occasional uncomfortable silences) as Dana and cameraman Daniel interacted with the cast and crew. Essentially, if you like or "get" Dana's public persona/character, you will enjoy the second disc a whole lot. The primary disc of the bunch was the one containing the movie and supposedly a director's commentary but there was no commentary track; a shame since it would have given Dana and the rest of her pals a chance to discuss why they wanted the movie to look so amateurishly made (a brave stylish choice).
Andy San Dimas with Jordan Ash finished things up.
-- sponsored by --
Audio/Video Quality: Dana DeArmond's Role Modeling was presented in an 1.78:1 anamorphic widescreen color as shot by director Dana DeArmond for Vivid (with lots of help from the usual suspects at Vivid-Alt like Eon, Winkytiki, Chris, etc.). Unlike most releases these days that show flat lighting, steady camera work, and compositions in line with the kind of mainstream productions most of us watch (on TV, the movies, and the like); there appeared to be a conscious decision to look other worldly and strange. Some consider this to be a trademark of the genre while others consider it to be a cop out that doesn't go nearly far enough thematically as a true alternative to most porn but as a fuck flick somewhere between the two extremes, it wasn't half bad looking. The lighting was hardly complimentary to the cast and shadows abounded but as a "no rules" approach to offering something different, it largely succeeded in looking like a home movie with sex in it; a popular sub-genre for years now (reminding me of the plethora of titles Home Grown has released over the years). If you prefer the more generic kind of porn with solid lighting, glamorous looking ladies, few shadows, and generally designed to enhance the look of the ladies, you will be sorely disappointed but I looked past that to find a fair amount of raw energy by the cast worth looking into. The bitrate was often hovering around the mid 5 Mbps range and the MPEG-2 video codec appeared to be decent enough to minimize compression artifacts for those who care too. The audio was presented in the standard 2.0 Dolby Digital using the 192 Kbps bitrate but while the vocals were all over the place; the inclusion of a variety of obscure bands for background music was a nice change of pace. The music was included in a separate CD for those who care and while it did not strike me as a good fit for the action, at least as edited, I applaud any attempts at something new in porn.
Body of Review: Dana DeArmond is probably best known as a "gonzo anal whore" for her many performances in a variety of movies in recent years. As a side line, she dabbles in alternative porn projects that suit her, most of them at Vivid Entertainment these days; and her other claim to fame is her presence on the internet. Getting into porn at a far older age than most of her peers (her age ranges from late 20's to mid 30's at this writing), I have found a lot of her gonzo work to very appealing as she shows few limits though her inability to provide consistently good work has held her back compared to some of the top performers in the field. Still, as another candidate proving experience can beat youth, Dana's relatively small body of work suggests she has only just begun her career and all kidding with her aside (currently, she has "vexed" me according to pal Eon McKai; a sign that I've joined an exclusive group along side him of people that stood up to her self proclaimed nobility when she deserved it), I think her legs should keep spreading as long as there are men willing to engage the gal. Well, as she takes the plunge to the other side of the camera with the recently released Dana DeArmond's Role Modeling, Dana shows a new side to her talents where she gets some of her Myspace fans to jump into porn from their previous careers as nude models and the like; using the kind of pierced and tattooed people that many of us associate with the surely, disgruntled retail clerks we encounter on a daily basis. Bringing in fresh blood is always of interest to the porn world though fans of the genre not into the altish "look" might do a lot better sticking with something like Brand New Faces. The cover explained the title like this: "What do you want to be when you grow up? Fuck on video, duh! But who's gonna show you the ropes with so few good role models for America's youth? Well, if you're one of these five newcomers, it's Dana DeArmond, The Porn Unicorn. Knowing that the first time is never easy, Dana's donned the crown and mentored these wannabe 'pornstars' on the ins and outs of fucking with the lights on." If that sounds good to you, here's a quick look at the scenes to give you a head's up, noting that no condoms were worn:
Scene One: Rory Tonic, the brunette on the right hand side of the cover, was introduced as being from Baltimore Maryland and after a disjointed introduction of all the performers, she was showcased on a couch with Alec Knight and Sascha. The men stripped off her clothing and felt her up, Rory moving to suck off Alec in record time as a cock hungry (if inexperienced) little spitfire. She then took them on orally in turns, moving to bounce on cock vaginally better than Dana herself tends to do these days; her milky white ass cheeks rippling as she slobbed one knob and got hammered by the other. The men took turns fucking her cookie in multiple positions before Dana DeArmond herself jumped in, adding a little something with her own appeal as the two gals engaged in various carnal activities. Keep in mind that if you hate choking, Dana was choked until her face turned red; the cameo appearance ending after Sascha gave her a well deserved slap and she left packing. Rory then finished the men off far more actively than her mentor, eventually draining their balls of population pudding deposited in the form of a facial before a short exit interview showing Dana licking off the spew and giving Rory a high five. For a newcomer, Rory was pretty solid!
Scene Two: Apple McCall, an easily distracted brunette wearing glasses and hailing from Queens, New York, was up next with Daniel on a couch. Apple is the kind of girl next door you don't think twice about unless drunk but she took to modest member well enough; using her hand to gland combat style as a means of augmenting her limited oral skills. He gave her some head too and the weakest part of the scene was how passive she was during the initial vaginal screwing. I didn't mind the roast beef labia or other physical attributes caught so poorly on video but a passive rider is far too common in porn already so it lost "alt" points for me compared to Rory's scene. She was marginally better on top of him but the lack of chemistry and enthusiasm was such a stark contrast to the promise held by the first scene that I hoped the rest of the movie was going to emulate the better scene. It ended in the bathroom with Daniel jerking off a minimal load to her face and Apple offering some post coital sucking; the post exit interview a week later providing some insights into the weaknesses of the scene ("I didn't know what I was doing" seeming to sum it up perfectly).
Scene Three: Casper Vice, the gal on the left side of the front cover, was up next and came from St. Louis Missouri. There was a substantial amount of background given up this time before she was set on a loveseat with Daniel for her scene. Her stance on facials (one drop nearly caused her to die in a previous encounter with a boyfriend) made me wonder if she was cut out for porn but Daniel has had sex with far quirkier women in his personal life so I figured he could handle her too. They initially seemed like a couple as they struggled to disrobe each other; Daniel warming her up suitably with his hand and spit as she demanded he spank her harder. Her oral work was clumsy but showed a degree of passion, Casper coming across as though she were trying to impress someone watching more than truly into the moment but sweating enough to lead me to believe she was also having a lot of fun. She was best when actively engaging his cock vaginally and on top of him, the tempo of the riding increasing as she swiveled her hips and impaled herself on the rod. The majority of semen hit her chest with some touching her face (gads!) but Dana came to the rescue and cleaned her up before some additional non-sex footage of a few of the cast was displayed (the non-linear method of showing clips unrelated to the performances a bit weird).
Scene Four: Dana DeArmond, the gal on the middle of the front cover with the mullet, was up next as the female focal point for newcomer Johnny Utah on a black couch in front of some hastily drawn walls. Dana claimed it was the most awkward scene in the history of porn and while there have been many hundreds of contenders for the title; it's safe to assume that her limited knowledge of the field would lead her to think that. This was his first scene and her first time with a first timer but he seemed to pick up on her inspirational tease as they did oral and vaginal to a song that I didn't think fit very well. I liked the playful editing of footage though and it worked best before Daniel joined them for a more traditional threesome. Dana's claim that she was the next "Jesus" answered a lot of questions regarding her recent personality quirks but I'd be wrong if I denied her chemistry with Daniel pounding her ass as she blew Johnny. She was even fairly active here as they planted their peckers in her mouth and holes, tea bagging before draining their balls dry.
Scene Five: Andy San Dimas, a curvy brunette with an all natural body, was up last with Jordan Ash on the back of a modified car with a mattress in it. He fingered her to prepare her and she blew him, leading to a bout of boning where she started off slowly but soon showed she was really into the action. There was minor choking and the action was captured worst than ever this time, but she was another gal with a need for seed; even using more dirty talk than the others to make the scene more like regular porn. I never thought she was truly into the sex or Jordan but she came across as closely imitating the kind of porn most people are familiar with so you may like it more as a scene than the others. She took the facial at the end and devoured the semen too, Jordan kissing her semen soaked lips before some wrap up where Dana affectionately called her a slut.
Summary: Dana DeArmond's Role Modeling by director Dana DeArmond for Vivid Entertainment had a great many technical flaws, some of them clearly done on purpose while others were less obvious, but for those of you wanting to see a whole new kind of female having sex in front of the camera, you could do a lot worse so I rated it as Recommended. I prefer more physically attractive performers to watch on the small screen but would have been okay dropping a load on most of the ladies here too, the appeal of the movie still being tied almost completely to the persona Dana herself projects as the sex alone simply did not sell it all that well. In short, Dana DeArmond's Role Modeling, as I tried to tell the director earlier this month when she was fussing at me in a nonsensical manner, was actually better than I had heard from the online crowd that downloaded it for free. Dana managed to take a popular genre in porn, newcomer porn, and twist it just enough to appeal to an alternative crowd by using gals you probably won't see gracing the latest Wicked Pictures, Jules Jordan, or Hustler flick so perhaps a series is in order. I'd still caution that listing extras not included is false advertising and upgrading the visuals would go a long way to making such titles more accessible to a market driven for better looking porn but it would be interesting to see if Dana shot her wad with this one or if she can get better with experience. Not bad!
---- You can email me with questions at Houstondon @ hotmail.com if you have any constructive criticism of the review too. :) Also you can follow me on twitter @HoustonDon