First Impressions: This movie should come with a warning label. A fucking big neon one with alarms and shit. Had I known much of this DVD would feature close-ups of dude’s puckered assholes and a trio of guys pulling their rods, I might have skipped this one altogether. Seriously, few things in porn are more unappealing than chicks digging their tongues (and long-nailed fingers) into male anus. I mean, I’ve got no problem having that done to me (especially by some of the beauties featured on this disc), but watching it? *Gag*
Tom Byron's pervasive asshole. (Oh, and two hot girls.)
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Extras: Eight trailers, including spots for House of Ass 5-7, Lord of Asses 8and 9, and Anytime Girls; a photo gallery (which runs almost nine minutes if you have the patience to sit through dozens of stills); and a “cumshot recap.”
Audio/Visual Quality: The video actually looked pretty good, which was a little surprising considering the titles and menu look they were cobbled together with Power Point. But the images are sharp and colorful and the angles afford us welcoming views of the girls’ mostly hot bodies and unwelcome shots of Tom Byron’s gaping a-hole. The audio is adequate. It’s not anything you’ll use to show off your new home theater, but it’s not so bad where you’ll want to mute the moans and sloppy sex and fire up some Rammstein on your iPod.
Aarielle, one of the hottest girls in the biz, prepares
to attack some dude's ass
What Your Money's Gonna Get You: Guy asshole. Lots of it.
I should have figured that a DVD entitled "Ass Eaters Unanimous" would feature more than just, y'know, hot female ass eating and include shot after lengthy shot of dudes grabbing their ankles and thrusting their assholes into the air to get fingered and spit on. It's unanimous ass eating after all. But no matter how hot the chicks (and they are mostly hot, from scene one's Sindee Jennings to scene six's huge-boobed, cock slapping Savannah Gold to personal favorite Katja Kassin in scene eight), and how steamy the action (lots of deep throating ball swallowing here), I could just not get past the fact that most of the DVD features shaved man-ass getting spit on (gobs of it in scene two), fingered hard, licked, and just...assaulted.
Not cool. Not cool at all.
Is it stroke-worthy at all though? Definitely, if you're into watching other guys have their assholes pulled open for the camera. And if you can get past the this (I couldn't), then you'll undoubtedly get hard watching Savanah or hottie Leah Jaye (scene five) stroke pole, finger their pussies, massage their sweet tits and have their own assholes toyed with. Those bits are certainly hot, but not quite hot enough on their own to warrant a purchase of Tom Byron's latest self-serving vanity project. (Note: If you want to be spared the male buttholes, you may want to check out the more recent all-girl installment, Ass Eaters Unanimous 15.)