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Private Poker

Studio: Private » Review by Guy Incognito » Review Date: 2/3/08

XCritic's Advice: Watch On Demand


Director: Little Al
Cast: Claudia Rossi, Emili Doll, Jennifer Love, Judith Fox, Lady May, Natalia Zeta and Regina Ice
Length: 90 mins
Date of Production: 9/04/07
Genre: Threesome, anal, straight fucking and girl-on-girl
Extras: Trailers & Girl Profiles
Condoms: No 


"Private Poker" comes from the good people at Private Movies. I wasn't expecting such a story driven disc when I started the movie, but between the previously scanned special features and the main production I was impressed. The A/V Quality was superb, as the master seemed to be struck from a near HD source. The only problem I had was that there was some audio buzz during hot action scenes that became a little distracting.

Scene 1

The first scene takes place in the back of a sedan, as we start with some hot one-on-one fucking. Eventually, the couple takes it out of the car and into the desert. There's some pussy play and a lot of dick suckery. Eventually, this heads out into straight pussy pounding. I don't know where they shot this flick, but I was expecting to some people jumping the Border fence in the background. Then, I got distracted by the girl's flapping tits.

I'm not a fan of the small tits, but if all porn performers could get their breasts to flap in this hypnotic pattern...I might become a fan of the A and B sized queens. Before long, they head to Anal Country and the scene begins its slow and steady build to a finale. They take it back to the hood of the car, which leads to some post anal dick suckery. Then, we get the guy popping in her mouth.    

Scene 2

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Next, we have a quick story scene with a CSI team investigating a murder. There's some dialogue and shit, but there were no breasts or hot fucking. This leads into some pseudo Miami Vice shit where you can tell that a crime is going down, but there's dialogue and crap. I'm too busy trying to figure out whether the leads are from Mexico or Croatia. I can't place the accents, but I'm sure one of the readers will try to correct me.

Finally, we get to the fucking as the two criminal types take two girls to the desert and start to fucking. There's some dick action, some pussy action and a whole lot of sucky-sucky. Breasts get sucked and then we get the hardcore fucking. We got some anal, we get some pussy crushing and then I remember that the two criminals have a body in the trunk of their car. It makes the scene kind of funny in a gallows humor sort of way. We get one of the girls double-teamed by both criminal types. The scene ends with both girls getting cum blasted on their faces.   

Scene 3  

The third scene starts with more story, as the CSI people try to piece together their mystery of something that I found boring. A guy with a bleeding mouth fills in more details, as I go to sleep. That's when blonde girl with nice tits walked into the scene. She talks some more and I wonder who the fuck thought that they had to be the Aaron Sorkin of porn. Porn should be like a library. You get in there and get your job done with little to no talking.

Blonde girl ends up starting the sex, while getting her tits sucked and pussy rubbed. There's some fingering and dick sucking, but it's not long before we get to the big show. She rides the cock anally and vaginally like a champ. The scene ends with the blonde girl taking some cum to the face and chest.

Scene 4

The fourth scene begins with more story starring the couple from Scene 3's sex scene. More details about the criminal Poker game go down, while I start to nod off again. I'm sorry, people. I'm a porno narcoleptic. If there's no fucking or promise of fucking, I go into a coma. We get a flashback to the Poker leader's fucking before the game.

I get distracted because I believe they're fucking in a minivan. No one is sexy when they're getting their dick sucked in an Aerostar. But, the scene works out as the action goes outside for some hot fucking. There's some vaginal and anal action, as the sex continues and what appears to be the same desert hideaway from the first scenes. The scene ends with the girl taking a shot of cum to the face.

Scene 5

The fifth scene is more talking bullshit and then we get a gangbang. The gangbang is during the poker game flashback, as the other poker players team up to fuck the shit out of the  only girl playing. There's dick sucking and action on all holes.  Everyone starts off with the vagina, but it's six minutes before they start taking to the Hershey Highway. So, the anal sex fans out there won't be disappointed.

Everything starts to turn repetitive, but that's the downside of a gangbang. Everyone has to take turns at the same roles. Except for the girl. All she is during the scenes is three warm holes, two hands and a torso. The scene ends with the other players blowing their load all over her.   
Scene 6

The final scene leads to more story from the guy with the bleeding mouth. The bleeding mouth guy's blonde girl bats clean-up for the final scene as she brings the sexy to the screen for a final shot. Over a re-cap, we find out that the murderer that the CSIs have been following turns out to be the blonde girl. But, she's busy fucking the Poker leader's girl. Which leads to some sweet lesbian action.

Tits get fondled, breasts are licked and pussies are rubbed. Some fingering and licking continues, as the scene builds to a head. This was the best thing about the entire film.


"Private Poker" was a satisfying porno, but one that I don't feel the need to revisit anytime soon. The scenes were well shot, but they left nothing to be remembered. This is a problem for a medium that benefits from many repeat viewings. I'd recommend the release as a rental to all curious parties, as I can't find a reason for this to be in your porn stash. But, I do promise that you'll have a laugh at the heavily accented dialogue in the film. 

First, Skinemax.
Then, The Internet.
Eventually, I'll fuck the chick from Tron.

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