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Ass Watcher 5, The

Studio: Metro » Review by Don Houston » Review Date: 2/12/08

XCritic's Advice: Watch It Online

Alektra Blue in the green hallway of doom.

The Ass Watcher 5

FusXion/Metro Interactive

Annie Cruz was in the mood to mingle.

Genre: Gonzo

Director: Pat Myne

Brooke Haven is a major hotty!

Cast: Alektra Blue, Pat Myne, Annie Cruz, Lee Stone, Brooke Haven, Mark Wood, Mick Blue, Melissa Lauren, Mr. Pete, Sandra Romain, Kurt Lockwood

Length: 122:48 minutes

Melissa Lauren sure looked good from this perspective.

Date of Production: 1/25/2006

Extra's: The best extra was the 16:03 minute long Behind the Scenes feature. It started with Annie Cruz getting dressed for her scene, then Brooke Haven, then Alektra Blue, and finishing up with some limited footage of Sandra Romain; skipping Melissa Lauren. It was primarily made up of this dressing ritual with Bart goofing around only during Sandra’s bit at the end but fans will appreciate it all the same. There were trailers, a photogallery, banners, a pop shot compilation, a true double sided DVD cover, and spam.

Sandra Romain was limited only by her assistant.

Condoms: None

Audio/Video Quality: The Ass Watcher 5 was presented in the usual 1.33:1 ratio full frame color as shot by director Pat Myne for FusXion; a company distributed by Metro Interactive. The settings were bare bone basic which allowed for fair lighting that minimized the grain, video noise, and aliasing of the visual elements. The down side was that there was a need for more C-lighting and the shadows got in the way too often; the ladies not lit optimally this time by Pat or his crew. The composition of the shots was generally favorable to the ladies for the most part but the almost random editing seemed to distract at times when the camera would zoom in on some blemish or other visually weak moment and be left in the final product. The video bitrate varied considerably but seemed to hover around the mid 5 Mbps mark, few compression artifacts observed and the overall impression given to be favorable. The audio was presented in a 2.0 Dolby Digital English using the 192 Kbps standard, the vocals showing no separation but the minimalist opening music giving the slight impression that it did matter to someone to add in some headspace. The dynamic range was otherwise kind of limited but this being gonzo porn, I really did not expect a whole lot in that regard.

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Body of Review: Pat Myne is the directing name for my favorite director at FusXion; a company I see very rarely these days for some reason. Their lack of marketing prowess aside, the company has long been one I found capable of releasing some heated gonzo scenes thanks in part to guys like Pat, albeit their DVD’s sometimes remind me that more polishing up would really, really help differentiate them from others in the marketplace. That said, I was lucky enough to score a screener for The Ass Watcher 5, a series I haven’t reviewed since Ass Watcher 2; and given the ladies in the cast, I was sure this had some potential. The premise of the series is to showcase ladies with some heated tease before they engage in gonzo sex, including anal sex, with a variety of men (some markedly better than others). The back cover said it like this: “Director Pat Myne dispenses with the story and gets down to what it's all about: the most stunning women like gorgeous cover-girl Sandra Romain (the nastiest gonzo-girl of all time!) And four other cuties all getting their asses pounded and their mouths filled with cum! How does Pat Myne get those hot girls to do that? Watch and learn!” If that sounds good to you, here’s a breakdown of the scenes by cast and action, noting that no condoms were used in this production that was shot over two years ago:

Scene One: Alektra Blue, a lean brunette with incredibly beautiful eyes, was up first wearing some skimpy slutware that did little to cover herself. I’d prefer a few more pounds on her but Pat’s devotion to lingerie matches my own and she showed it off nicely before picking the worst possible place to masturbate (the infamous “green hallway”) before Pat Myne himself took her on in the scene on the staircase. She was abruptly edited in at his feet while she orally attacked his penis, sucking it with a messy hummer as he took advantage to throatfuck her. She showed an affinity for his balls too but spent most of her time inhaling the shaft, Alektra jumping on top of it for an active vaginal ride that had him holding on for dear life. This continued nicely until she became very passive during the anal ride; Alektra doing ATM without hesitation before taking the meat pipe in her shitter some more. The population pudding was deposited into her ass for display with a cumfart; Pat swatting her hand away when she tried to put her hand down there as it got in the way.

Scene Two: Annie Cruz, a tiny Asian gal that followed the series dynamic in her slutty attire, just got down to masturbating when the massive Lee Stone walked up on her to give her ass some swats; warming her up with hand and tongue before she aggressively slobbed his knob. Annie is not really my type for looks but I give her full credit for showing energy and passion in many of her scenes (as she did here). The blowjob was great considering how big he is and how small her mouth is but both of them wanted penetration so they went to banging hot & heavy soon thereafter. The vaginal was once again nicely played out, Annie getting loud as she took his massive member inside of her cookie. She wasn’t quite as active during the anal portion of the scene (who could be?) but she was better than Alektra by a substantial amount. Lee choked her a little and both of them were coated in sweat before he bust a nut on her mouth for swallowing.

Scene Three: Brooke Haven, a curvy hotty with a lot of appeal, was up next as she took on both Mark Wood and Mick Blue; her pink dress and mesh stockings adding something to her look that I liked a lot. She moved to the bedroom where she masturbated with a cool dildo, getting all juiced up for the guys on the nearby couch. She started on Mark’s penis orally while Mick ate her from behind, Brooke showing she was having a good time the entire scene. She mixed it up to get some loving from both of them as well as to give more oral but her lean physique was up to the men boning her like they owned her too. She actively took them from all directions and the very active vaginal led to the men providing a lot of DP footage where she showed some movement but was largely hampered all the same from giving her best. The amount of anal-only footage was severely limited and the scene ended with the men unloading their wads on her face; the appeal of the scene having as much to do with their chemistry as anything else. Whew!

Scene Four: Melissa Lauren, another cute and lean brunette in skimpy clothing, was up next as she teased the camera in the living room while giving herself some minor love taps on the ass. Rather than tease by herself, she played with the cameraman (it sounded like Chris Streams) as he diddled her to a frothy orgasm that he then fed her before Mr. Pete took over to provide the cock she wanted. Pete gave her some oral and fingering before making Melissa service his dick and ass (salad tossing him); the throatfuck scenario enjoyed by him more than her. She was enthusiastic about getting him off and deepthroated him but he wanted inside of her other holes too so they reverted to form where he tapped into her pretty hard. She was the least active rider of the day however and the vaginal was more about how far he could push her than anything else. She stayed the same during the anal but I will say that she appeared to enjoy the anal action more than most of the others even though her performance was sucky during it. The ending taste testing and supposed anal cream pie (a lack of lighting and semen coming out gave me my doubts) weakened the event even more, so your mileage may vary considerably.

Scene Five: Sandra Romain, the Romanian anal queen on the front cover of the box, was up last and while I might not agree with the marketing hype posted on the back cover about her looks, I have no doubt that she has been one of the top anal queens in porn for a long time (especially if you like the extreme queens that do it all). She pranced around naked and then took a shower that worked for her appeal a whole lot, the glass dildo plunging deep inside of her lean but solid frame before she cleaned it orally. She dried off and put on some pink lingerie that looked fetching before I found out she was stuck working with Kurt Lockwood; a third tier mope that has since left the business in shame. In his heyday, Lockwood held a lot of promise for some in the industry but his repeated breakdowns and off camera antics started impacting his performances, as was the case here. Sandra was still giving her all though; proving she could elevate a scene despite a weak male with some viciously pleasing oral on his cock and ass; the vaginal ride showing her to be the most sexually energetic gal of the cast. She was decent in the anal portions of the movie too though, if not at her very best, and I thought leaving her lingerie on was a good idea as it added something to the scene. The ending load went to her face and she didn’t even flinch as she took it; the post coital blowjob working nicely even if Kurt appeared to want to cumswap with her before the camera faded out to the credits.

Summary: The Ass Watcher 5 by director Pat Myne for FusXion might not have rated more than a Rent It from me but it had a number of flashes of brilliance that proved to me some more polishing up could have really helped this effort. The lighting and camera work was not the best with the editing of the results even weaker but the gals were generally solid selections even if some of them did not give their best performances. The extras were also limited but as a fan of some of the gals, I’d be remiss if I told you that there weren’t a number of strokable scenes, even if the replay value wasn’t all that swell. In short, The Ass Watcher 5 was not as solid a presentation as Ass Watcher 2 but Pat clearly was under a tight schedule with an even tighter budget, making the results almost a forgone conclusion from what I’ve heard but give it a look to see what I mean.

You can email me with questions at Houstondon @ hotmail.com if you have any constructive criticism of the review too. :) Also you can follow me on twitter @HoustonDon

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