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Squirt Machines: Special Edition

Studio: Jules Jordan Video » Review by Don Houston » Review Date: 2/27/08

XCritic's Advice: Highly Recommended

Savannah Stern looking hot! (click for trailer)

Squirt Machines: Special Edition

Jules Jordan Video/Chris Streams Productions

Sindee Jennings was cute too!

Genre: Squirting

Director: Chris Streams

Jenna Presley on a bed is always a delight to watch.

Cast: Savannah Stern, Mr. Pete, Sindee Jennings, James Deen, Jenna Presley, Lee Stone, Flower Tucci, Chelsie Rae, Jada Fire, Erik Everhard, Mark Davis, Bobbi Starr, Mark Ashley, Emma Heart, Amber Peach, Sophie Dee, Ian Scott

Length: 256:10 minutes

Flower Tucci, Jada Fire, and Chelsie Rae by the pool!

Date of Production: 12/12/2007

Bobbi Starr has a world class ass!

Extra's: There was a trailer for Dirty Rotten Mother Fuckers, cumshot recap, a photogallery, and a helpful cast list. The best extra though was a 71:21 minute long Behind the Scenes feature where the ladies got naked, there was some additional sex taking place, and a whole lot of extra tease provided interspersed with the interviews as the cast & crew got ready. I was really appreciative of seeing make up artist “Double D” (the blond bombshell that used to work for Chris At Zero Tolerance) since she always manages to liven things up; even hanging out with me in Vegas recently while we played the slot machines (unsuccessfully). In any case, if you like the ladies, you will really enjoy the BTS despite the fact that not all of the cast was treated equally.

Emma Heart and Amber Peach enjoyed some BDSM.

Condoms: None

Sophie Dee looked better than ever with her curves restored!

Audio/Video Quality: Squirt Machines was presented in a decent 1.78:1 ratio anamorphic widescreen color as shot by director Chris Streams for Jules Jordan Video as presented in the MPEG-2 format so common to standard definition titles. The lighting was pretty good, limiting the grain and other visual flaws in the open settings of the house as well as the limited outside action I prefer. The composition of the shots was largely enhancing to the ladies as they diddled themselves or took on their partners with my biggest concern being that so many portions of the movie had some aliasing compared to some of his works of the past; the bumpy transition to new equipment likely the reason for this temporary issue that should clear up in the future. There were no compression artifacts (the bitrate hovering in the lower 7 Mbps range most of the time) but the fleshtones were all I expected them to be, making this one visually decent for me though not the best I've seen from Chris in the past. The 2.0 Dolby Digital English audio (in 192 Kbps) was a bit more basic with no separation or major dynamic range but I could always hear what was said and the music didn't interfere with my viewing pleasure.

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Body of Review: Chris Streams has long been one of the “go to” guys in porn directing at various companies, his love of tease, lingerie, and sexy women rivaling my own. Now that he is directing titles to be distributed by Jules Jordan Video, I fully expect him to showcase the ladies even more; a dynamic shared by his peers there that were tired of being “run of the mill” directors elsewhere. His second title for the company is Squirt Machines: Special Edition and I think it’s fair to let you know that I have long held that “squirting” is just a harder to prosecute code word for pissing based on what I’ve been told “off the record” by a number of industry notables over the years. To me, the genre is merely a gimmick but I’m not about to pass up some of my favorite ladies’ works simply because I’m not a believer and the showmanship employed by many of them is such that I have fun seeing them go over the top during these displays of watery wonder. That said, here is one of the longest such titles on the market today and full of a solid cast that I know Chris will take full advantage of in their lengthy scenes that I spent considerable time describing. If that interests you, here is a brief look into the scenes by cast and action, noting that all the ladies let loose with the juice and no condoms were worn:

Scene One: Savannah Stern, the brunette hotty featured on the lower left hand corner of the front cover, was up first wearing a black bikini that I really enjoyed watching her prance around in before the sex with Mr. Pete started up. She was given ample time to caress herself, show off her womanly attributes, and give the audience their collective money’s worth. I would have liked her more without the implants and having a few more pounds on her but she embraced her role here very nicely indeed as Pete watched her from upstairs by the railing; Savannah looking over her shoulder to make sure she had his full, undivided attention. She masturbated and then crawled up the stairs with her as looking perfect in order to aggressively slob his knob; her skills better than ever as she worked his meat pipe. He fingered her hard and started boning her thoroughly, the vaginal sex allowing her to show how active she could be while bouncing on his rod. She did a moderate amount of PTM here and the waterworks did manage to flow onto the glass table but the ending where she licked up his population pudding was only fair by comparison; the limited wad showing me that Pete works too much. Freckle faced Savannah did prove to be a solid ride though and that started off the movie on a bright note.

Scene Two: Sindee Jennings, the cute blond in lingerie seen on the lower right hand corner of the front cover, was up next as she teased on the outside railing. A lean gal with no obvious enhancements, Sindee performed as though a stripper on the road to financial success with her positive attitude and frisky ways, Chris’ camera moving around her to capture her essence from a variety of angles as best he could. She diddled herself and went inside for more, eventually hooking up with James Deen. She wasted no time actively blowing him, concentrating her efforts on the tip but sparing no part of his manhood as she licked his balls pretty heatedly too. He jumped her from there, drilling her hard and choking her into submission; Sindee yelling out for him to go further even before she pissed all over the two of them. They continued in numerous positions with more of the displays of fluid dynamics, Sindee going all out on the moper before he replaced his fingers in her ass with his cock. The anal slowed her down tremendously as he took charge but it was still a lot of fun to watch as they continued the backdoor action until the long held off pop shot on her face (with limited ATM). The pacing had a few spots with minor issues but I found little to fault overall. Yum!

Scene Three: Jenna Presley, another lean hotty with light hair and a lithe young body (as seen on the middle of the right hand side of the cover), followed the formula in the bedroom as she shook her money maker ever so gingerly in front of the dresser mirror. The camera took on more of a voyeur perspective here from outside the window, Jenna’s masturbation sequence proving to be practiced but heated all the same. She barely had time to fuck herself with the large glass dildo when she encountered the massive Lee Stone in the adjacent room; Chris getting rained on outside as he watched them having fun. The scene then cut away to show the perspective of the usual antics from a closer viewpoint (Chris probably got tired of getting wet and risking his camera); Lee eating Jenna out like the previous guys should have with their partners as well as kiss the lady. She spread her legs far apart to grant him full access and he took advantage by jamming his fingers inside of her while eating her; Jenna appreciating his hand spanking her as much as she liked his cock in her mouth. She wrapped her lips fully around his meat too, going at it like she wanted to drain him dry before he let loose plowing her with his pounding style. It took awhile for him to achieve an erection but once he did, pissed like a race horse even though she did not initially ride him as actively as I would have liked. That held the heat back for me but they managed to display a lot of chemistry here and once she was on top of him, she went wild with actively riding. The pissing was frequent and heavy as was the taste testing; Jenna licking her own juices off the lounge chair before they went back to work. She took the mouth pop and swallowed; laughingly showing how much she liked the action. Whew!

Scene Four: Flower Tucci, Chelsie Rae, and Jada Fire, were all up next as the last scene on the first disc. The ladies began by teasing outside on the perfect day, wearing the outfits they had on the upper right hand corner of the cover (I love mesh and thongs!). Jada began the tease with her big DSL’s all glossy from the heavy coating of lipstick, her assets well worth the time spent on them, moving on to curvy Flower that I adore so much. Flower has some fine junk in the trunk and is always welcome in any movies I review; her appeal going far beyond her looks and attitude though she certainly excels in providing a total package for fans. Just as Jada and Flower began pawing each other slowly, cutie Chelsie walked over to them and while not given as much of the spotlight here, she made a wonderful addition to the dynamic of the gals with her newly darkened hair (my pictures from the show had her almost catching me by surprise in fact over her hair color). The trio had some excellent tease and moved inside the house to find studly Erik Everhard, Mark Davis, and Mr. Pete, as the lucky guys about to earn their pay. Mark took Flower, Pete took Chelsie, and Erik took Jada initially as the men warmed the ladies up but this was also a free for all where the partners swapped around a lot too; the gals giving each other more than moral support if you catch my drift. There was a lot of oral, vaginal, and anal sex here to mix with the pissing routine best served by Flower (though all the ladies did a bunch of it). The scene ended after the ladies took mouth loads of semen to cumswap with each other, swallowing the proceeds as best they could to make this a great scene to finish off the first disc. Yow!

Scene Five: Bobbi Starr, the popular anal queen spotted on the upper left hand side of the cover in sexy lingerie, was the first performer on the second disc and what a great choice she was! Her curves are well known these days and her ability to do all sorts of depraved sex acts almost legendary with the raincoater crowd so getting a substantial amount of tease with her on the balcony was a visual treat to say the least. She looked at the camera in almost a beckoning fashion with her ass in the air; Chris getting a lot of footage from a low angle to make her look especially inviting as the morning sun rose in the background. She then went inside the house to masturbate vaginally and anally with a toy, taste testing it repeatedly before Mark Ashley joined her. Mark is an exceptional fellow when it comes to this genre since he loves getting pissed on by the ladies but also because he truly likes getting them off orally and manually before hammering away at them; her ass going first as he took advantage of her love of anal sex. Her sloppy hummer and barely trimmed pubes will also appeal to a whole different crowd but she kept the heat of the movie up to the levels begun in the first disc; her pissing not quite as “stream” oriented as some of the other gals (making it look more believable). Her vocals were over the top in terms of moaning and she actively pursued his cock in all three holes, displaying again why she has become such a treat to watch these days. Mark eventually ended it by rubbing out a load to her mouth for swallowing, the post coital sucking and sucking up the remains off the table making me wonder why she wasn’t given a larger picture on the front cover. Sweet!

Scene Six: Emma Heart and Amber Peach, the two ladies on the center of the cover in revealing outfits, were up next with a slight nod to BDSM taking place as part of the warming up process. The metal leash and riding crop were used to full effect as well; the camera just intimate enough to give both of them a lot of perfect showcase footage. The amount of ass shots ruled for me and the lesbian antics resulted in drawing the attention of Mr. Pete; both ladies seeming to appreciate what he was packing and how he spent considerable time getting them off. The fluid dynamics were decent but it was the parts where the gals double teamed him orally or helped each other get the fullest amount of pleasure from the experience that made it above average for me. The aliasing in the picture was still present but the mixture of a slightly chunky chick and a lean hotty also showed a variety of positions that either could excel at over the other. The modest amount of anal was not a problem for me any more than the fact that it showed the willingness to push personal limits, but there was a bunch of acts going on here that fans will appreciate as much as I did even if they didn’t always gel quite as successfully as some of the other scenes. The scene ended when Pete rubbed out the tiny facial and the gals kissed to the fading camera.

Scene Seven: Sophie Dee, the sultry brunette shown at the top middle of the front cover, was up last in her military styled lingerie and with a fake assault weapon in hand. I rarely see guns in porn these days outside of Robby D.’s Naked Aces series so those of you that fashion yourselves as supporters of the Second Amendment might like this one even more than usual. She teased outside as though hunting down a terrorist, her ass the focal point of the camera before she stumbled across Ian Scott, in the cabana. Sophie took charge and inspected him closely, his “weapon” impressing her as “big and hard” so she decided to have some fun. She pissed on his face and made him eat her out, moving to giving him some great head before they fucked like crazy when she put her rifle down. They started the fucking them and there, Sophie grinding her hips into his cock during the vaginal sex and giving some titty fucking too. The anal came in the house and she actively rode the cock at least as well in her back door as her front door; pumping on him nicely with intermittent squirting and oral taking place. There wasn’t a lot of chemistry here but she was definitely in her zone throughout the scene and that elevated it beyond what was expected (Ian is a third tier moper as far as I’m concerned) until it finished with her receiving his facial in her mouth.

Summary: Squirt Machines by director Chris Streams for Jules Jordan Video had enough fluid dynamics to earn a degree in engineering school as well as a particularly strong, yet diverse, cast of characters well suited to the genre. With over four hours of material in the movie itself and over another hour of unique extras, the strength of the performances alone merited a rating of Highly Recommended. In short, Squirt Machines: Special Edition had everything advertised and more, the levels of fuck for the buck elevated by the tease, the camera work, and the bounty of additional footage. Fans of squirting titles might even think this one was better than I did given my beliefs regarding the genre but it had a lot of quality stroke material so get a copy and enjoy yourselves.


You can email me with questions at Houstondon @ hotmail.com if you have any constructive criticism of the review too. :) Also you can follow me on twitter @HoustonDon

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