XCritc.com Adult DVD Reviews
Popular Searches:
Porn Reviews » Blu-Ray Reviews » Porcelain HD (HD DVD)

Porcelain HD (HD DVD)

Studio: Digital Playground » Review by Guy Incognito » Review Date: 3/3/08

XCritic's Advice: Recommended

Director: Celeste
Cast: Jana Cova, Faith Leon, Lacie Hart, Karlie Montana, Celeste Star, Nikki Hilton, Carli Banks and Mackenzie Mack
Genre: Erotic Vignettes
Length of Feature: 99 mins
Condoms: No
Date of Production: 09/24/05
Special Features: Special Bonus - Trailers, Slide Show, Photo Gallery


"Porcelain" takes us back to the age where porn tried to develop franchise characters. But, Celeste isn't a character persay. She's a porn auteur. A female Jack Horner living the real life "Boogie Night", as she tries to bring elegance via a High Definition filter to porn. Does she succeed? Well, I think she did a damn good job.


The first scene is a basic setup for the Celeste adventure. Before this film, I had no idea that Jana Cova had developed a franchise character. Jana Cova is a Czech bombshell who wastes no time using her new sex toy on Mackenzie Mack. The two ladies go back and forth with it, as the lighting did weird shit to my eyes. I'm not that used to HD porn, but a lot of the glare became distracting.

That's why I want to see them try to balance out the glare by shooting in dimmer surroundings. Not Michael Mann dim, but something close. The rest of the scene had a lot of mouth on muff action with the pussy slap thrown in for good measure. Gotta love that.


-- sponsored by --

The second scene begins with Faith Leon taking on a male performer named Jerry. Jerry is almost a cipher, as Faith uses his cock for support in the scene. She gets him to massage her breasts and the play for a bit. Eventually, it slides into some basic sex, while the lighting shows off every inch of her body. Now, I'm starting to see the promise of HD-DVD for porn.

The High-Def opens up the scene to a natural visual field where you don't see bad set dressing and digital noise. You get to see every inch of the performers in digital clarity. A full field allows for nothing to be hidden and not a drop of the action to be missed. A lovely lady such as Faith Leon deserves nothing less.


Jana Cova and Celeste bring a disco flair to the next scene. It's pretty much two lesbians munching on some poon, but it's interesting. There's some tongue and fingering action going on. But, there's nothing much else. I don't get the posing for the camera and the multitudes of fashion fits.

When I watch a porno, I'm not looking for models. I'm looking for ladies that like to get down. Models don't like to get down. Fuck, models don't even like to eat. So, eat and get down. By eat, I mean food or poon. Wherever you ladies find sustenance is fine by me. But, tape the pussy eating.


The fourth scene brings up the tiny little Lacie Heart. It's a quick scene with Scott Nails that goes nowhere. Too boring to even remember.


Jana Cova comes out kind of looking like the villain from the Narnia movie. It's more posing for the camera with a little bit of lesbian action. It was a failed attempt at being surreal that left me with a limp dick.


Nikki Hilton has a quick turn with Jerry. It's basic throatfucking and some reverse pounding on the pussy. If this girl looked anymore out of it, I would've sworn that she was unconscious. Whatever happened to ladies that were happy to be getting slammed?


Jana Cova and Carli Banks discover that they like licking pussy. We get to watch for a few minutes, as they must be building the sets for the next scenes. You can't really complain. It's nice for what it is. It's just that you're watching this hot piece of action in such clarity that you count the beads of sweat on each girl's ass. You wonder if they're going to whip out a double dong dildo and do something exciting. But, no. It's like watching a Koi pond. A Koi pond full of pussy eating.


Karlie Montana loves the dick. Scott Nails wants to know how much she loves the dick. So, naturally he drops his pants and she gets to sucking. After awhile, this scene turns into my Koi pond analogy. But, you've got to appreciate Karlie's dick-sucking lips. It makes you think of that one girl in "The Rules of Attraction".


The finale has two parts. Jana washes Karlie's ass and then eats her out. The final credits show off Jana playing with her pussy, as we get to look at the long list of people who made this movie possible. Good stuff all around.


"Porcelain" is only the second Porno I've seen on HD-DVD. The HD-DVD format is just about dead, but it was good to see that the porn studios knew what to do with it, while it was going out the door. The transfer is amazing on the main feature with no digital noise on the transfer and no dropout in the sound. It's just a shame that they couldn't put any of the special features into 1080 quality. Still, it was a wonderful experience and opened up my eyes to the way that I view porn.

First, Skinemax.
Then, The Internet.
Eventually, I'll fuck the chick from Tron.

comments powered by Disqus
Popular Reviews

Body Heat
Stoya Perfect Picture
Top Guns
Island Fever 3 HD-DVD (HD DVD)
Kelly Divine Is Buttwoman
Asa Akira Is Insatiable 2
Undress Me
Asa Akira Is Insatiable
Killer Bodies: The Awakening (Blu-ray)

Featured Reviews

Get XCritic Via Email:

Enter your email address:

Delivered by FeedBurner