Cock rings are such awkward things.
Adam & Eve said that it was supposed to fit like a dream. I believe those bastards. What I got was jiggly balls. What happened that strange Friday night? Let's find out.
A cock ring?
Today, I'm taking a look at the Dream Fit Cockring from Adam & Eve.
The package says that it comes with an unbreakable hinge and eight batteries. Well, I could only find four at first. Since there were no instructions for inserting the batteries, I spent a lot of time fumbling around with the device.
I hate feeling like some old man that thinks the ATM is trying to eat his soul. But, I was confused and eventually the cock ring broke open. Luckily, one of the parts that broke open was where the batteries were supposed to go. The four batteries that I thought I was missing were crammed inside of it, so I was ready to go.
A couple of pieces of Scotch tape and I was left wondering if I was going to electrocute my dick. But, Terra wanted to go for a ride. So, away we went.
-- sponsored by --
Lord of the Cock Rings: Return of the Cock
My assistant was very willing be the guinea pig for this latest toy trial.
When she first started riding me, the power of her pelvic thrusts just about ground the device into my groin. We changed positions and reworked the positioning. But, that device loved to shift and didn't stay put.
I don't have a slippery cock and I never lost my erection. But, the combined stench of the plastic and the inability to fit to a normal groove lost my interest. I only kept the thing on for the duration of the sex because Terra wanted to make sure that you guys knew what was going on.
20 minutes had passed and I was left wanting to mail this fucker back. But, I don't think anybody wants a cock ring with my pubic hair ground into the scotch tape holding the piece of shit together. I've used a lot of toys on my partner in the past, but this shit played like a gag gift out of the back of a comic book.
Peter Jackson's Revenge
I don't know who builds these things, but
they need to go back to school. I sit here staring at the piece of shit and wondering why weren't the simplest instructions included in the package. Don't like at the cock ring the wrong way or it will taser your nutsack. Regardless of what position you set the device, it will only work as a tiny beeper kept at the top of your cock.
If your lover sees you approach her with this device strapped to your dick, don't cry when she laughs long and hard. If man was meant to have vibrating balls, then we would've been hummingbirds. That's why I've got to veto this Adult Toy. The Dream Fit Cockring is a waste of time, especially when you can have better sex chucking this thing into the garbage.
A Final Thought...
In the end,
I want to stress my disappointment with this rare miss from Adam & Eve. They are my go-to porn company, but I feel letdown. Hopefully, I can spare you guys from similar disappointment. Will that be enough? I can only hope. Maybe, the next one will be better.
First, Skinemax. Then, The Internet. Eventually, I'll fuck the chick from Tron.