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Barely Legal #81


Studio: Hustler Video » Review by Guy Incognito » Review Date: 4/27/08



XCritic's Advice: Recommended


Cast: Crista Moore, Nikita, Faye Reagan, Carmen McCarthy, Dane Cross and Cali Winters
Genre: Barely Legal/Young Hot Ass/High Grade Production
Length of Feature: 125 mins
Condoms: No
Date of Production: 02/02, 06/19, 09/10, 10/15, 10/23/2007
Special Features: Bonus Scene, Photo Gallery, Web Trailer and Trailers

WHAT'S THE MEANING OF THIS?

"Barely Legal #81" is a great looking disc that taught me one thing. There are hot chicks in porn. There are some very hot, young chicks that were meant to have their pussies pounded into dust. The special features are weak sauce outside of an interview with Faye Reagan. I love those damn freckles on her face. Someone should spooge all over her while singing the Pee-Wee Herman "Connect the Dots" songs.


 


SCENE 1

The first scene begins with a slow build. Crista Moore (the fucking hot chick on the cover) takes her piece of shit car to get serviced. She suddenly realizes that the mechanic likes to fuck. So, she forgets about the car and lets the mechanic check out her deep throat. She takes it cowgirl and doggie style, before he blows a load. Shit like this makes me want to be a mechanic. I see all these mechanics and pizza guys getting mad pussy in these flicks. Why don't the trade unions talk about this more? I would gladly work for shitty wages, if I got to blow my gunk all over a chick like Crista Moore.

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SCENE 2

The second scene begins with Nikita meeting a cowboy named Otto. She sounds like she could've been working at a mobbed up bar in Kiev roughly two years ago. But, that doesn't matter. She's in America and willing to suck off a cowboy in a Stetson hat. She feels his cock and that leads to some fucking. It's pretty basic and nothing comes of it that's really hot. I wanted to see some shit like a horse neighing or kicking the cowboy in the face. Porn never knows how to go out with a bang.


 

SCENE 3

Faye is in bed at the start of the third scene. Those freckles and that red hair are almost enough to make me spooge. But, I've got to keep my cock together for about the next eighteen minutes. This shit is like playing soccer while walking on your hands. Damn readers never know the trouble I go through to bring you Pulitzer level porn reviewing.

Faye fucks this nerdy guy that comes in and it's pretty sweet. She keeps making him go slow, since she's so tight. But, the dude doesn't give a fuck. He whips out his cock and sprays all over her face. She's in heaven and my balls have exploded. But, we've got two more scenes!

 

SCENE 4

Carmen McCarthy fucks her best friend's brother. This shit is pretty standard and the chick looks nowhere near Barely Legal. Still, it's a nice sex scene that helps to pad me out until the finale. Also, Carmen's got a nice shaved pussy. It looks like nary a hair has been there since her High School days. Truly incredible.



SCENE 5

Cali Winters meets a guy that used to babysit her. They talk and bullshit while her mother is away. Naturally, the guy realizes that grass is on the field so he decides to play ball. It's a fun, dirty scene that leads to more and more fucking until a conclusion that's worth of the Barely Legal moniker. The load that the guy blows on Cali's face is legendary. There isn't a big enough Olympic medal that he could win for that shit.

 

 

WORKING CLEAN-UP

"Barely Legal #81" is an amazing release that teaches me one thing about America. This nation loves jailbait ass. Hell, even the thought of that ass being recent jailbait is enough to make you want to wear a hockey mask and whip your dong out at the nearby Catholic Girls' School. But, don't do that. Watch this DVD instead.



First, Skinemax.
Then, The Internet.
Eventually, I'll fuck the chick from Tron.


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