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Kiss Today Goodbye

Studio: French Connection » Review by Poindexter X » Review Date: 4/18/08

XCritic's Advice: Skip It

Year of Production: 1978

Directed By: Francis Ellie

The Movie: Two lonely men, both in unhappy relationships, meet and fall in lust/love.

The Cast:

George Payne, Lew Seager, David Savage, Michael Gaunt, Mark Hamilton, Kurt Mahn, Firth De Mille, Ben Dover (!), R. Casino, Peter Zass.

Condoms:  No

For unknown reasons, Hunky construction worker George Payne (good-looking with longish dark hair, beard, and toned/hairy body) continues his relationship with his constantly nagging boyfriend Tom whom I'll dub "Queen Bitch" (unappealing dude with longish dark hair, slender/hairy body).  The only useful thang this Bitch has going for him is some hilarious dialogue and boy does he let fly when poor George is late: "Where the fuck have you been? I'll bet you forgot the kitty litter! Well don't expect me to clean up that crap, it's your cat and I'll be damned if I'll play cleaning lady to that bitch!" "Your mother called today. My God she's dreary! She told me the plot of the last seven 'Mary Hartman' shows! She has diarrhea of the mouth!" Hmm. She ain't the only one.  "If I hadn't found that glory hole in the Howard Johnson's men's room, I would have died of boredom!"

-- sponsored by --

For some reason after Queen Bitch's tirade, George still wants to take a shower with him. At least we get to see his hot hairy body, full dark pubes, plump balls, and tasty cut cock in the process. As groovy tunes lifted from the movie "Barbarella" and the before-mentioned television program "Mary Hartman, Mary Hartman" play in the background, Queen Bitch gives his henpecked boy toy an excellent blowjob sliding his mouth up 'n down the hard shaft and deep throating all the way down to that full bush until George shoots a nice thick load of jizz. Life soon looks up for our hero when he meets a nice-looking older businessman named Bill (Lew Seager: short dark hair, toned/hairy body) and the two soon secretly fantasize about fuckin' 'n suckin'. 

It seems Bill is married to the female counterpart of Queen Bitch who drones on and on with some pretty darn funny dialogue of her own. "The fucking dinner is ruined! Why can't you call when you're going to be late? TV dinners don't age well you know and the cigarette lighter you call a stove nearly blew up in my face!" Too bad it didn't.  That night while over-dramatic music blares on the soundtrack, Bill lays in bed stroking his hard clipped tool sliding his tight fist up 'n down until he busts a thick nut on his sexy hairy stomach. Bill 'n George finally hook up for a romantic fling complete with roaring fire and haunting opera music as the two make love feeling each other up, sucking hard cocks, face fucking, deep throat, and frantic doggy-style fucking with no penetration shots. With some neat-o Kaleidoscope camera techniques and frantic piano music, George shoots a nice thick load.

Queen Bitch plans a birthday party for George and orders an interesting list of groceries including "Six quarts of tonic water, one large jar of olives, one jar of Vaseline, one tube of KY, and two large cucumbers...oh, what the hell....make it three. We can always eat one!" Ha! Well, the party gets into full swing with plenty of booze, pot, more music lifted from "Barbarella", and some cock sucking and butt fucking (no penetration shots). There is one odd dude who is clutching a Raggedy Ann doll and when someone suggests playing Joan Baez on the stereo, he simpers, "Play something for my dolly." Ha! While all this is going on, Bill and George are in the locked bedroom having their own "private party".


The movie is shot on what looks like 16 MM with a very grainy picture quality and plenty of picture jumping throughout that is very distracting. The camera work is okay with some nice shots of the cock sucking but drops the ball with no penetration shots during the fucking.


The movie has horrible audio that sounds like it's being played through a tin can. I also found it curious that the soundtrack to "Barbarella" and various other sources were used. I wonder if permission was obtained.


The disc contains an interactive menu, scene selection, and previews for: "Navy Blue", "Killing Me Softly", "Jr. Cadets", "Arch Braun's Dynamite", "Red Ball Express", "In the Name of Leather", "Oil Rig #99", and "Tough Guys". The previews have the same bad picture quality as the main feature does.


First off, I want to applaud Director Francis Ellie for creating a porn movie with an actual plot with themes of loneliness and pent up lust. The acting is horrible but the longing looks George and Bill give each other come off as realistic. The highlights here are hunky George Payne, hilarious dialogue from Queen Bitch, and the overall oddness of the party scene with the "Barbarella" music and Raggedy Ann doll. The picture quality and sound are horrible so I have no choice but to give this title a Skip It.  

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