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Seymore Butts' How To Eat Pussy Like A Champ!


Studio: Seymore Butts » Review by Crimson Clown » Review Date: 6/16/08
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XCritic's Advice: Recommended




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There is no narration, it comes off more like a porno than an instructional DVD, and Seymore Butts doesn't let the sexperts have the floor as much as he should, but "How to Eat Pussy Like a Champ" actually has something to teach us. Nina Hartley has been with women all her life, and she is a sexual expert, so who better to learn from than her? And of course there's Ron Jeremy, and Jack Lawrence, and (shocker) even Butts gets in on the action to give us a few tips in the weaker of the five segments. The fact is this is a movie that can probably help you out, and in the end I'd probably suggest you watch it.



Introduction by Seymore Butts
Don't adjust your television ladies and gentlemen, he's really that pale! Or... the camera just doesn't do the man's looks any justice. Either way, Butts sadly looks a bit like Keith Richards' clone, and his introduction is anemic, to say the least. Butts wants to teach us how to eat pussy like a champ... or like a woman... or a fifty year old man. Either way, it's not an entertaining intro because Butts never lets us know what we're in for.

Nina Hartley on Eating Pussy
It's weird that even when she's completely nude, clutching a pussy, and at the knees of a truly gorgeous young woman, she still reminds me of a science teacher who listens to Butts with raised brows as if he's asking to go to the bathroom. Don't get me wrong, she's not ugly, nor does she look aged, but I think Hartley is at that point of sexual knowledge where she just looks like a teacher even when she's having a casual conversation. If only we all had teachers like her, eh? Hartley actually takes the time out to teach us about the intricacies of the pussy showing us the "shaft" of the clit, and explores some fun tricks as she clenches the clit showing it pulse for the camera, and then teaches us how she can manipulate a pussy without even putting her mouth on it! The woman is a flipping wizard! She has a good reason for everything.



She wears gloves to make the woman feel great. And my god does this drive her partner wild. With a pussy you don't have to do a thing, most times. This may be annoying to the dudes, but wait until you hear that a woman basically jerks herself off. As if hearing of the obsoletion of men isn't infuriating enough, Hartley shows us most times men aren't necessary. Damn it all to hell. One of the few problems with this segment is that Butts can never be quiet long enough to let Hartley talk, and of course he can't get the right angle to where we see both Nina and the clit. So most times we only see Nina's chin and a blurry clit. I think it's good to have one good angle and let the rest fall in to place. For an opening segment, Nina has a lot to say, she has oodles of knowledge to give, and this is just a great opener, period.

Jack Lawrence on Eating Pussy

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Jack Lawrence is now up to the plate with the yummy Veronica Rayne who sits patiently while Jack thanks us for buying the DVD. S'alright. Lawrence is very underplayed here with a personality that's more intent on teaching than it is wowing Veronica who, for all intents and purposes, is already turned on when we start the segment. Jack's build up and conversation, and his methods of leading into the sex leave Veronica rather anxious to get down and dirty, and Jack really knows his stuff. If you please a woman enough most times you won't need to take her out and give her gifts. See, now that's a tip you can take to the grave! And Jack doesn't immediately go down on Veronica. In spite of her subtle hints for him to just munch her rug, Jack doesn't. And boy does she ever demand that he stop talking and just eat her pussy out. He teaches us about the inner walls, the physiques of oral sex, and uses her as a diagram on what a man should know. Damn it, it's useful! Lawrence's follow up to Nina thankfully doesn't repeat the information we saw with Nina. It's new, it's a fresh perspective, and the man knows his pussy eating, as is exemplified by Veronica Rayne's anguish when he stops eating her out to address the audience. I'd suggest sitting through this one, because Jack is a very comfortable instructor, Veronica is really hot, and it's a fun look at an expert performing some magic. And we now know what Rayne looks and sounds like when she's actually cumming, so we'll now know when she's faking it.



Ron Jeremy on Eating Pussy
Ms. Rayne is getting in her licks while she can as she goes up on another sexpert, Ron Jeremy. Jeremy thankfully doesn't give us any bullshit. He teaches us from the outset how to stimulate a woman's body by simply kissing their neck, which drives Rayne wild. She screeches and gets massive goosebumps. Jeremy is pleasant and low key and explains some facts and methods that Jack and Nina don't. Yet another high point. But the problem here is that there's not a lot of teaching to be had. He shows us some tricks, but the entirety is Jeremy pleasing Rayne, showing off his skills, and we don't take too much away. We know a woman can now be stimulated on other parts of the body, but where exactly? Do women have one spot or different spots? How do you approach oral on a female? Why do you use your fingers? Why do you flitter your tongue when Jack told us that wouldn't work? Can you talk for more than a minute about pleasing a woman? Thanks for nothing, buddy. Next.

Seymore Butts on Eating Pussy
Butts wants to throw his two cents in. Surprise. Mari Possa is a gorgeous little woman and what do you know? It was bad lighting, because Butts looks alive in this segment. But then eating a hot woman's pussy would turn any man into a spring chicken. While I give Seymore a bit of a hard time here, he aims to tell us what the other instructors didn't. Which is a plus. He explains that even though it does take finger stimulation, the same method doesn't always work for every woman, and many times you have to change positions even if its uncomfortable for you. Eye contact is key. Ass play is important. A woman will let you know what she wants if you communicate. All great things. Mari Possa even gets Double Penetration with both of Butts' fingers which is quite a scene, and the man isn't a porn director looking for sex. He speaks some great truths and factoids, and it's a valiant attempt to give us what the other sexperts didn't.



Pussy Eating Free For All
Step right up this way, the magical pussy free for all involving the fab four sexy women going all out and eating each other until the juices flow! What's the point of this closing segment? Who cares?! It's hot girl on girl action, a final treat from the man known as Seymore Butts! Thanks Seymore!


Audio/Visuals:
There's so much more that could have been done with this movie. The audio is often a bit difficult to make out which sucks considering audio is everything in an instructional DVD. We have to hear what the sexperts are saying or else it's just a waste of time. While Nina and Jack come through loud and clear, Ron can barely be heard, and most times we hear the distortion as Seymore struggles with his camera to change angles or get the right scene in. It's distracting, and annoying. The visuals also really suck. The opening intro makes Butts look like a zombie, and the rest of the segments are painted in dim lighting, stale colors, and set pieces that fail to keep the energy up. The sexperts look like they were yanked off the street instead of prepared and the video signals that.

Goodies:
We have a thirty minute Behind the Scenes featurette that's mostly just Seymore Butts thanking the veterans for their work on the movie, and asking basic questions, testing their validity as sexperts if only to prove to us that he didn't just wrangle a bunch of porn stars for name recognition. Believe it or not Ron Jeremy provides more instruction and teaching here than he did in his actual segment and it's quite curious why. I mean, if you just want to eat pussy, do it elsewhere, teach us something NOW! Butts goes in to a candid conversation between the four women who close out the movie, we prepare for the big orgy, and finally we get another interview with Nina Hartley who is preparing for her opener, while most of the time is spent on Ron cleaning up to eat Rayne. It's a good Behind the Scenes feature, for sure. On the rest of the Disc, we have a minute and a half photo gallery, six trailers to Seymore Butts films, an ad for Seymore Butts' offer to throw your bachelor party. Now that's a bachelor party.

After Thought:
All in all it's a pretty good DVD. It's not as great as it could be, and I especially struggled with Highly Recommending it or just Recommending it, but all things considered, the sub-par sound, poor picture, hit or miss segments, and a closer that does nothing but pad the time, I'd just Recommend it, because Jack Lawrence, Nina Hartley, and even Seymore Butts have things to teach us. Ron Jeremy just wanted to eat pussy.

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