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Gov Love: The Eliot Splitz-her Story

Studio: Hustler Video » Review by Crimson Clown » Review Date: 7/1/08

XCritic's Advice: XCritic Pick

The Gov is one stand up Joe. He's so intent on getting his senators in Washington to loosen up, that he is willing to enlist a series of prostitutes and mates to cheer them up and make their time at Washington a little better. At least that's what I assumed. Man, I have to become a politician. Or someone important. Anyway, I didn't think this movie would be that good. I mean it's based around a now famous scandal involving a politician and a prostitute. Why are prostitutes still very volatile topics in the media? And why are we still surprised when we read about politicians engaging in scandalous behavior? Wow, Elliot Spitzer had a very high priced hooker!

And this just in: Water is wet! Religion is pointless! The world is ending! I digress. Director Canterbury tries at creating an actual arc, and I admire pornos that attempt to avoid the doldrums of segments and just build a story based on a paper thin premise, there is a rather funny preamble to the entire movie with Mike Horner trying for comedy with innuendos and double entendres flying our way faster than "Three's Company" on X, and Horner's double takes and comedic mugging work. "Gov Love" tries to be dark comedy and often it succeeds. "Gov Love" is just as good as the cover of the DVD insists it is, and the mock newspaper headlines plastered on the cover promise a great ninety minutes. You know what? It was.

The Pimperor's Club, New York, New York: Kayla Paige
Kayla Paige is happy the Gov is going to Washington to visit her girls, and celebrates by fucking her pimp. After even more double entendres, the two get down to it with deep kissing. She goes down on her pimp sucking his cock, and slides over to the desk to be spread and kissed by him. After sucking on her tits, he gets to work pinning her legs back near her head and eating her out. After the oral, he mounts her and fucks her on the edge of the desk hard, and she mounts him with her legs spread riding his cock rough and fast. She's bent over and he dominates her fucking her ass, pounding her rapidly finally cumming in her mouth after a hand job from Paige.

FBI Field Surveillance Unit, Washington DC: Angela Stone
It turns out that the FBI are investigating the governor and his ring of prostitution. The agents are very excited that they can hear the sex going on, and agent Veronica Jett seems almost anxious to convince her partner to engage in some on duty activities, but he resists. They can hear what's happening in the Gov's office, and lo and behold, lobbyist Angela Stone is in the office with the Gov's assistant kissing and groping. He's tearing off his clothing and sucking on her tits as she cries out, and goes down on her munching her pussy while she screams. She reciprocates by sucking him off on the desk, and he straddles her fucking her pussy with her left leg along his arms. He pounds her hard and fast, inspiring a massive stream of cum from her pussy, and gets back to work pummeling her. He turns her on the desk and fucks her ass anxiously, and she straddles him with her legs spread riding his cock fast. She stops momentarily to spray again and goes to work on his cock sucking him off as he cums on her face.

Veronica Jett and On Duty fun

-- sponsored by --

The prostitutes are frustrated and angry that Christine is going to be able to fuck the governor. The pimp eases their anxieties but they threaten to strike, to which Paige insists they go fuck themselves. They're more than happy to oblige. Back at Field Surveillance, Veronica Jett just can't get over the fact that people will be fucking as they listen. Almost as if she's been in a convent her whole life, she's so aroused at the potential voyeurism that she eventually subdues her partner who submits to her seduction as she strips her clothes off and then his. After stripping his clothes off, she gets to work on his cock, sucking him off and groping him. He reciprocates by feeling on her ass and enjoying the recreational time. After more sucking, he gets her on the bed to fuck her ass softly as she smacks his thighs egging him on to fuck her harder. Wouldn't you know it? The Governor is listening in on THEM the whole time! She mounts him riding him backwards, and smacks his balls, and then turns to take it up her pussy while he clutches on to her cherry bottom. This is a great segment if only because the performers seem very in to it, and it's funny seeing the Gov listening in and jerking off as they do it to each other. I loved how the segments didn't feel detached from the narrative, and this one is probably the hotter of the bunch.

Emma Heart and Kissy Kapri go fuck themselves
After finishing up, the agents get back to work shushing each other as Canterbury pans over to the Gov who is listening in the next room comically. The Gov engages in a hilarious montage of groping himself, smacking belt along the bed, and running over to the room with a funny G-String. Cassandra has arrived and he is more than happy to chase her around with his woody in tow. Whatever comedic effect Canterbury was going for is more than pulled off as watching Horner aim for gags instead of simply taking the character on in name only is great. He puts in an effort, and it pays off. I laughed the whole time.

"How would anyone ever find out?" Cassandra asks.
"Riiiight, I wouldn't want to get famous for this," the Gov giggles.
"I always wanted to be famous," Cassandra purrs.
"Maybe tonight is your... lucky night," he snickers.

Clunky winks to the current events, but still... Funny. So, back to Emma and Kissy who have agreed to take Paige literally. They're going to go fuck themselves, and my my do they ever look hot in their hooker get up. Usually most girl on girl scenes feel shoehorned in the movies for the sake of pleasing more than one viewer with the fetish, but this segment is great. The women are beautiful and they look like they're in to it too. Kissy makes out with Emma and then pulls up her skirt to fondle and smack her bubble butt. She feasts on Emma's tits, and she reciprocates by fondling her breasts. After more groping, Emma leans back to have her pussy eaten by Kissy. They get in to a 69 eating each other out anxiously, and Kissy whips out a large dildo to which they fuck each other in the asses with. After more dildo ramming, they finally finish off with some light kisses.

Gov Love with Cassandra Cruz
All the FBI can hear is the heavy breathing and kissing and Jett is anxious to listen in. Jett wants to go through all the politicians to hear if they're engaging in prostitution, but her partner finally grabs on to the money shot. The Gov and Cassandra are going at it. She's feasting on his cock as he lies back groaning and moaning, and she stands up to let the Gov suck on her tits, and awe at her body. She leans back and spreads it as the Gov eats out her pussy hungrily, and she mounts him fucking him hard and fast. She bends over and the Gov charges in from behind fucking her ass with a large shit eating grin, popping it in and out of her hole and dominates her mounting her from behind. This is a great closer, with Cassandra Cruz never failing to be very sexy on camera. I just wish Cruz would have put more conviction in her moans and groans. I know these performers aren't trained actors, but you figure by now they'd know how to convince us they're having a great fuck. This segment didn't disappoint, either way. Horner milks this Gov character with flying colors, and it's hilarious to see Jett barely paying attention to the surveillance as she fingers herself.

"This will be our little secret, right?" The Gov asks.
"Of course," Cruz assures him, "No one will ever find out."


As with usual Hustler releases the Audio and Visuals are great. "Gov Love" is filmed in a crisp wide screen transfer with soft shades of blue and white and some great set pieces that almost convince me this is all in New York and Washington. The movie consists of very soft colors that make the energy very brisk and live. As for the audio, it's a very important element to the comedy and wink wink political commentary and not a single piece of dialogue goes missing in the haze of fuzzy voice work. As for the "Behind the Scenes," you can barely hear what anyone is saying. That's unfortunate.

Kissy bored? Kissy bored.

We get the fifteen minute "Behind the Scenes" feature that works quite well to compliment the movie. We get to see interviews with star Cassandra Cruz who talks about why being a porn star is easy on her life. She also talks about her cats. Neato. Now it's kids and cats I don't want to hear about from people. They just aren't interesting stories. I almost expected her to say "My cat's breath smells like cat food." There are interviews with the other stars that seem very impromptu and unprepared which leads our director in to questions about movies, and one woman shows with the porn stars feeling themselves up for the camera. Didn't the movie just end? So the rumors are true, there is sex even between filming! There's also a slideshow of stills from the movie and the usual Hustler perks like trailers and URL sign posts. I wish there'd have been more.

After Thought:
In spite of the lacking extras, "Gov Love" is competing for my favorite porno in the last two years with "Kung Fu Nurses a Go-Go!" It has a slew of really hot women, great segments, a hilarious attempted story, and a comedy element that's pulled off thanks to star Horner's mugging for the audience. While the political nods can be a bit clunky, I was never bored with this wonky porno. Thus, it's a Critic's Pick!

Follow Crimson Clown: https://twitter.com/DeltonProuse

Email Crimson Clown! [email protected]

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